Wednesday, December 30, 2009

WTF Wednesday - This TOO Shall Pass

Guess what folks?!? UPDATE!!!

Grandy followed up with the Urologist (like a good little girl) first thing Monday morning, from work. She held off on taking any pain meds that day because she had a HUGE presentation at 1:00, but had a back-up plan for taking the meds on my way out the door AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Urologist office tells Grandy, "Our first opening is a week from Tuesday."

::blink blink::

Excuse me?!?

She says, "I'm sorry, but he only sees patients on Monday and Tuesday afternoons, and we're all booked up already."

::blink blink::

Excuse me?!?

Oh yeah, Grandy decided to make the appointment for NEXT Tuesday, but apparently her body realized that was WAY too long. Yesterday Grandy wakes up and logs in to work at 6am. She decided she would work from home that day, knowing that she had to try to get in to see someone else sooner.

At about 7:30am she gets a call from her primary doctor. "I'm trying to get you a referral somewhere else."
Too late!!! HELP?!?! IT HURTS!!!!

Grandy gets a front row pass to the ER again. After going through the initial stuff, going through the whole "WTF" from the doctor, but getting the same great nurse that helped on Christmas Eve, the CT scan is done. The doctor comes in shaking his head. "You are NOT going to believe this," he says. "Try me" I tell him with a smile. (Oh yeah, serious drugs are kicking in.)

The rest of the conversation went like this:

Him: You have passed the stone into your bladder!!! The chances of you doing that on your own was like 1-2%. I've never seen someone pass one this size.
Me: Did you say 1-2% chance??
Him: Yeah.
Me: Well THAT explains everything!! I'm the queen of 1-2% health chances.
Him: Well, you shouldn't be having any more pain, but there's still the last hurdle.
Me: Which is...?
Him: It's still in your bladder.
Me: Ummmmm... So what does that mean?
Him: You have to try to PEE IT OUT.
Me: Really?!? So, I'm not supposed to have any more pain...but I still do. I wasn't supposed to pass this at all...but I have. So...what are my odds now?
Him: I just don't know.

Lottery ticket?...Here I come!!

Either way. Grandy has made it 364 days into her 2009 resolution with no anesthisia or "oscopies".

YAY!!!




Sunday, December 27, 2009

361 Days and Counting...

***Warning: The following post may be written under the influence. It has been a while since Grandy has BUI (Blogged Under the Influence) of medication...but she wanted to warn you in the event of moments of rambling...beyong her normal rambling...in fear of babbling.***

Grandy has pretty much established that she brought on the sucky year she's had. She had coined Suck-It2008 & Bring-It2009, where she figuratively stuck her chin out to the cosmic gods and said, "HEY YOU!! I CAN TAKE IT!!"

Well, Grandy's 2009 New Years resolution was a pretty easy task (so she thought). She had resolved to have no anesthesia or "-oscopy" in 2009. You see, 2008 she had several "oscopies" and 2 surgeries, she was DONE.

So far...so good. Grandy has had several issues come up, that have caused her to make frequent trips to the doctor, but so far nothing major.

UNTIL...Christmas Eve 2009

Grandy wakes up with nothing short of labor pains. Considering the fact that Grandy is NOT (allow me to repeat NOT) pregnant, this was alarming. Grandy gets in to the doctor, who can't understand what's causing this. "Could this be another kidney stone?" Grandy asks (knowing my history for kidney stones). "Maybe?" He says.

Please understand that the issues Grandy references earlier all have been going on for several months, and for those months, Grandy has asked "Could I be having another kidney stone?". Each time, I've been forced to see a different doctor, go through my medical history, and get yet another round of antibiotics for what they all believed was "a bladder infection". FOR THREE MONTHS?

Grandy gets a free pass to radiology at the Hospital. The ultra-sound makes an unusual exit from the room mid-exam, and comes back. She says she can't make me drink any more water because, "You have a HUGE kidney stone."

WHEW!!!!!!

There's no reason to be upset, or even anxious about this news. A kidney stone is totally doable and fixable. She takes me back to the waiting room and asks me to wait there. After waiting there for about 20 minutes, another lady says she's there to take me to the emergency room.

"Why?" I ask her.

"Because you apparently have a HUGE kidney stone." She replies.

At this point, no one has been able to give me any specifics, but I'm quickly escorted into the emergency room and given a bed. Luckily, early on Christmas Eve, they're not very busy.

Within a few moments, the ER doctor and nurse are there to see the "modern marvel". "How is it that you're wearing a smile?" the doctor asks me. "You didn't see me earlier, but right now I can finally sit without too much pain. WHY?" I replied.

"You have a 1.4cm kidney stone obstructing your tube." He says.
"Is that big?" I ask.
"Well, we usually measure these in MILIMETERS, and you have 1.4CENTIMETER." He enunciates.
"So...I still don't understand the connection." I replied.
"Hmmm...Let's see. We get patients in here in tears and screaming with 3-5mm stones. You have 3 times that size, and it's creating an obstruction, and you're being nice to my staff." He tries to explain.
"Well, it's not their fault." I replied.

We all laughed at that.

Regardless...Grandy's 2009 resolution may not come to fruition. As of today, I have made it 361 days into the year. The doctors say that I cannot pass this on my own. They've given me pain meds (some dang good ones) and I have to follow up with the Urologist tomorrow.

Good news... I got to come home for Christmas Eve.
Bad News... I will have to have the procedure...probably before the year is out.
Good News... PAIN MEDS!
Bad News... Pain meds make me SO SLEEPY.
Good News... I WAS RIGHT!! And my ongoing issues will be gone when this goes.
Bad News... Anesthesia.

Oh well. Maybe I'll make it to day 364?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Annual Christmas Letter

Dear Friends & Family,

Wow! I can't believe another holiday season is upon us. It's been an amazing year! Bob got that big promotion at the Extenze plant. He's been really selling the "dick-ens" out of those little blue pills (forgive the pun). No complaints from his female boss either. All those long nights of work with her have finally paid off, and she gave him the promotion AND a raise. I'm still not exactly sure why he had to buy her the diamond earings to show his appreciation, but he IS very sweet that way.

Little Timmy is currently on the honor roll in his 3rd grade class. We've finallly convinced him to stop eating the paste during arts and crafts. Ever since we started sending him to school with lunch money, however, he seems to be coming home even more hungry than before. I'm sure it's just a hungry spurt, because I know he's spending every last penny because he never even comes home with a dime of change. That cafeteria food must be a real treat..

Things haven't changed much for me this last year. I'm still working the drive-thru at the big McDonalds on Main Street. I'm next in line to be head cashier, and then it's only a matter of time before I get to be a shift leader.

As you can see, we're doing great things in the family this year. But I am looking forward to 2009 coming to an end. I'm hoping that you all get a little something special under your tree.

Merry Christmas!!!


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Parenting 101

Grandy knows exactly where this street is. I did not take this picture but if I had witnessed this, I would have most certainly approached the baby and stood between it and traffic.

All while saying W-T-F?!?




Sunday, December 13, 2009

Dear Santa,

Grandy has NOT been a very good girl this year. She knows this. In fact, she knows that there may very well be a special place in hell gift waiting for her on Christmas morning.

Grandy does have a small problem, however. Despite all the chiming bells, decorations, and massive ass crowds holiday shoppers, Grandy has had some difficulty mustering up the Christmas spirit.

She has tried watching all sorts of holiday movies that might help, but she can't make it past the 33rd commercial break in the first 20 minutes. She attended a Christmas parade last weekend, and proceeded to provide sarcastic commentary with some friends. (Ok Santa, that was pretty fun, but probably not the fun you had in mind.)

There's no tree. No decorations. No baking. It's two weeks before Christmas, and Grandy is feeling ever-so-ebinezer-ish. In fact, there are only a couple differences between Scrooge and Grandy at the moment. Scrooge has tons of money, and no friends. Grandy has tons of friends, and no money.

WAIT!! That's IT!!!

Grandy gets it now!! Christmas is about appreciating those you haven't killed yet love. It's about gathering with family and requiring more therapy reliving old memories. What was I thinking?

Ok Santa, tomorrow Grandy will try to get her tree up. She will pull some frozen cookie dough out of the freezer, and bake it (these domestic things take time). Since Scrooge finally found the meaning of Christmas, I suppose Grandy can too.

Thanks Santa!!

xoxo

Grandy





p.s. If it's not too much trouble, Grandy would really appreciate you overlooking some of her stupidity antics this past year. She knows you won't buy the temporary insanity bit for too much longer.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Titles Shmitles

Although these comments aren't as funny as previous episodes of "Things You Hear At My Desk", they are indicative of the how much fun we have in Grandy-land.

There are few things I WON'T say to ANYBODY. Grandy tends to use the "out-loud-voice" whenever possible, regardless of your title. It's not that I don't have any respect for authority, or recognize the importance of a position...quite the contrary. I just happen to think that just because you hold a certain title, it doesn't bar you from getting the real Grandy.

Watch out!!

Big Man 1 (Regional VP of HUGE Company): Thank you for helping us work through this, Mary.
Me: Cum-ba-frickin-ya!

******
Big Man 2 (Owner of FANCY Restaurant): Now that I'm back in the states, Mary, I need to understand this better. I knew you were just the person to call and ask.
Me: What are you buttering me up for?
Big Man 2: I'm not buttering. I'm just saying you know all this stuff, and will tell me honestly.
Me: Uh-Oh... What did you do?

******

Big Man 3 (CFO of Company...not sure what they do): Please review this document from our Paris location, and tell me what you think.
Me: Ummm... I think it's in FRENCH!

******

Not-So-Big-But-Fun-Man: I'm afraid we're about to make your client unhappy, and need to schedule a conference call. We'd like you to be on the call.
Me: Why? Do you need back-up or a witness?

******

Oh yeah...Grandy is having more fun than should be allowed...with her clothes on.

I wonder if any of these will reflect on my performance appraisal.

Wonder if I care?

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Monday, November 30, 2009

Who's Yer Baby's Daddy?

YEARS ago Maury Povich used to have a pretty good talk show. Somewhere along the way, the producers of the show turned him into a bit of a daytime Jerry Springer.

I rarely catch any daytime TV (having sworn it off with my medically induced sabaticals) but I had noticed the commercials for the program usually centered around the subject of paternity testing. I once caught an episode where the poor girl had already been on the show 6 times before (or something insane like that) and they still had yet to drill down to who the daddy was.

I felt bad for the poor girl. Really!!

Yesterday, while at the pharmacy, I noticed this:



Oh yeah...Maury should be worried about what this over-the-counter-do-it-yourself paternity test could do for his future episodes.

With this modern little piece of science, little Suzy could buy these in bulk and still have enough for a ring-pop and a root beer. I didn't actually catch what the percentage of accuracy is, but I'm quite certain it couldn't be nearly as accurate as the results on Maury's show. Right? One can hope.

Poor Maury. How will he survive such competition?

Friday, November 27, 2009

Grandy's Early Signs of Stupid Things

In trying to reconnect with some of her long lost blogging community, Grandy came across a great post over at The Junk Drawer. Kathy has a great way of sharing her silly moments, laughing at them, and making us all laugh with her. Hmmm...wonder why Grandy likes her?

Well recently she posted Careful Where You Stick That, which of course lured Grandy straight to reading. She talks about a silly thing she did while AT the doctor's office that caused her an injury. Then she challenged her readers to share a story of something stupid they did as kids that caused an injury.

Psssttt... Would now be a good time to let out my secret that Grandy STILL does stupid things that cause injuries?

For this "episode" Grandy was about 7 years old. Remember the times when your parents could leave and tell you to "stay inside" and it was just assumed that's what you did? These were the days before people like CPS would kick your ass ask questions for leaving two small children at home while Mom ran to the store "real quick".

The boy down the street, his name was Matt, came over and wanted to ride bikes. My twin told him we couldn't go outside, and Grandy of course said "PISHAW, let's do it!" We rode our bikes around in front of the house, in the street, and the whole time Twin is saying, "MOM SAID NOT TO".

Just as Grandy could spit out the words, "Mom will never know", IT happened. The front tire of my bike caught the curb just so and the wheel came to a screeching stop. Grandy goes FACE FIRST over the handle bars and into the pavement.

While laying on the ground, Grandy does a quick body check. Nothing broken. She sits up, and then it hits her. OH THE HEADACHE!! She touches her face, and realizes there is blood. No tears, just panic. "See ya Matt!" as Grandy sprints into the house to assess the damage. As she's always done, Twin picks up Grandy's bike and takes it to the garage, before coming in to assess the damage herself. Yep! It's complete road rash on the right side of the face. OUCH!! Now, with Mom coming home any time, we do our best to try to "mask" the damage. Twin does her best to help fix it.

Now...here is where you ask yourself...how would two 7 year old girls "fix" the fact that the top layer of the right side of my face is now gone? With a comb-over, of course. How else?

Grandy's hair at the time was cut in this cute little boyish cut, and she had more curls than Shirley Temple. So imagine how that worked out for us.

When Mom got home, we thought we would only show her the "left" side of my face. Imagine, walking sideways to Mom, greeting her with a hug like nothing happened. Yeah, that lasted about...um...20 seconds.

Needless to say, Grandy got a good spanking that night when Dad got home. Not sure what hurt more, the spanking or the time Grandy spent over Dad's knee waiting for the spanking. While hanging over Dad's knee, with all the blood rushing to my brain and face throbbing, he decided THEN would be a perfect opportunity to discuss how what I did was wrong, and how something more serious could have happened, blah.blah.blah. Just as the stars started appearing in my eyes, the ass beating blessing of the spanking finally came.

I don't remember much more after that but needless to say, when Mom says she used to make decisions about whether or not she would allow me to do things based on whether Twin was doing it with me...she had a valid point. She says she "questioned my judgment".

Gee... I wonder why?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Getting Older

Lots of my friends and family are having birthdays lately. Yes, I know they have birthdays all the time, but it seems to be that many of them are having MILESTONE birthdays.

Hubby turned 40 last week, Brother turned 40 a few weeks ago, along with some other friends. Some of my friends have hit 50 this year, and several have hit other milestones. This poem made me laugh out loud...and I hope it does the same for you.

Remember, you're only as old as you FEEL! If you feel and act like a 12 year old... then perhaps you are.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

That's What She Said

Recently Grandy has been introduced to a new adventure. GOLF!

Golf is NOT an easy sport. You are hitting a small ball, not much bigger than a shooter's marble, with a very long "stick", to find a hole that is FAR AWAY. Really? Who invented this game? I haven't done any homework on this, but I imagine it was someone with a little too much time on his hands.

While Grandy participated in her first EVER golf tournament (yes, she managed to get a few lessons in beforehand) she learned that the sport is full of little sillies that made her giggle and think to herself "That's what she said."

So here are some of the doozies that Grandy witnessed, and giggled about.

**I lost my ball.

**Which size should I use?

**You almost got the hole!

And of course, my favorite of the day...

**I'll leave it in just long enough, until you get close...then I'll pull it out.

Really folks. Grandy couldn't recover from this one, she ended up "putting" the ball across the green and falling to the ground.

So although golf is a hard sport, it's great fun for the 12 year old mind of mine. I can see that there will be much more to learn about this sport. Time for me to invest in some YouTube time with this little guy.






FORE!!!!!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Dis-ap-point-ment

A heavy word that carries more weight than anger or sadness.

We have all been faced with moments where our parents have said, "I'm not mad ... I'm just disappointed."

Some synonyms for disappointment are failure, defeat, frustration.

While learning about different personality types, Grandy has always fallen into the category of that upper right quadrant. It never fails what the test is, the quadrant is always the same: Energizer, Talker, "Yellow" (for the color of the quadrant, not my lack of courage).

Description: Stimulating, Enthusiastic, Gregarious, Impulsive, Emotional

Strengths: Communication, Motivation, Relationships, Creativity, Humor

One common thread in all these tests is that the "Energizer", "Talker", and "Yellow" quadrant hates to disappoint others. We rarely say NO. We suffer from a sincere desire to please EVERYONE.

Unfortunately, it's that fear of disappointment that forces Grandy to either take certain action, or decide not to take action in circumstances. When this post started a few weeks ago (I had to set it aside because I was in the midst of sincerely disappointing someone and it made me cry to think about it) it was all coming to a head for Grandy.

Thankfully, this week, Grandy is not working. She's relaxing, and taking time for herself. She was being faced with possibilities that she would not be able to take the whole week off, but didn't waver. When the president of her company sent her an appointment, she boldly (and diplomatically) declined and reminded him she would not be there.

Since Grandy has felt like nothing but a disappointment in many arenas lately, she's going to get back to basics and drill down. One of the areas where she's really failed lately is this blog. Not just this blog, but her lovely blogging community. As you can see, community and relationships are a big thing for Grandy. She's at a loss without you folks.

Grandy will be peaking in on all of you and catching up soon. But if you happen to stop by before she checks in, please tell me... What's new with you?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

WTF Wednesday - UH-OH!!


I'm not even sure what to say about this picture.

I do wonder...

The guy taking the picture...

Did he ever WARN her?

Good grief!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

What NOT to Say When Interviewing with Grandy

Grandy has been going through the interview process, on the other side. Since moving up in my company, we have been on the hunt for looking for my replacement. During this time, I've been doing the full-time job of 2 people (as usual) while trying to make things happen in the new position.


There's something interesting about interviewing people for the position you've put so much into. The people participating in the interviews with me are interesting because I keep hearing, "But they're not Mary!"


Well yeah!! Hello!! I'm MARY!!


With the economy being what it is, and the fact that we had over 50 candidates apply for the position, one would think that we would have a plentiful supply of qualified folks. What I've learned, however, is there are a lot of wierd people out there...(and of course I'm irritated to no end that I don't get to do the initial screening process, or the wierdos wouldn't even make it through the door).


So, here are some "gems" that were shared with Grandy over the last couple months:

Me: So you've read the job description?
Candidate: Yes I have.
Me: So what was it about the description that interested you most when you applied?
Candidate: Well, you know.
Me: I do?
Candidate: Yeah, pretty much all of it.
Me: Could you be a bit more specific?
Candidate: Ummmm...yeah...I didn't read it. I just need a job.

::blink blink::


Me: So, you mentioned you left your last job 5 years ago because there were "issues"?
Candidate: Yes I did. I was horrible to work with, got too big for my britches and ended up leaving because I thought they weren't being very nice to me.
Me: So how was the job you went to after that?
Candidate: They were worse.
Me: And what's different now?
Candidate: I learned the problem was all me, after going through a great 12 step program. I'm much better now!


::blink blink::


Me: Your resume says you were still with **** company. But your recently filled out applications says you left in October?
Candidate: Yes.... Ok... I might as well tell you, you're going to find out anyway. I got fired.
Me: Oh?
Candidate: I was the manager, and I gave an employee permission to fudge something on a report because she was struggling to make her quota, and I got fired. I was trying to help... and IIIIII GOT FIRED.


::blink blink::

Oh yeah...Grandy could have eliminated at least 3 of the candidates from the 15 interviews we actually had to SIT through. Really? We couldn't narrow it down more than that?

Oh that's right. I wasn't part of that screening process.

Alas...I just work here.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

A Saturday Funny


This is a great picture to post on a weekend post.

Really...Dr. Suess has taken on a whole new meaning with this one. This post is dedicated to all my blogging friends who can appreciate the humor.

CHEERS ALL!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Drinking



This picture absolutely made me laugh.

We have all had our share of bottle goggles on, while under the influence. But to be the one that knows you are what the end result once those goggles are on...That is AWESOME!!

There must be a certain confidence in walking into a bar, knowing you only stand a chance between the hours of 12:30 am and 2:00 am. Think of all the money one would save by not having to show up earlier.

Oh yes, this gentleman would be one fine woman's knight in shining...um...armor...for sure.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Romance

When having a tough day, everyone should stop by The People of WalMart site.

Their whole site could be referred to as the "WTF" site. I know I get a giggle and feel a bit better about my life. Let's call it picture therapy. :)

Check out THIS picture of true love in the aisle of WalMart.




Sing it with me ladies, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was HOT.LIKE.ME?"

OH YEAH!!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Dear Craig's List Scammer~~~

Grandy wants you to know that she may have been born at night...but it wasn't LAST night.

When we posted Ty's dirt bike on Craig's List, we knew we were pretty new at trying to sell stuff online. But hey, people buy and sell stuff online all the time... We can do this.

When your first email, offering to buy the dirt bike came in without you seeing it, Grandy was first a little blinded by her joy at the thought of getting it sold. You asked for different pictures of the bike, and Grandy was thrilled to send them you you.

You came back with your offer, and Iwas even willing to overlook the fact that you offered $50 if I would pull it from Craig's List right away, and said you wanted to send a check. While trying to sound cordial, Grandy offered to let you keep that $50 in exchange for sending a Money Order.

While trying to make conversation with you in the email, and find out where you were from, I should have known the direction you were headed because you never got specific.

Another day goes by, and you send another email. Trust me, this is where you absolutely blew your scam...

There is something i think i must bring to your notice.After a reconciliation of my account,i discovered that somehow my partner must have over paid you.The payment that was meant for another transaction was sent to you and the one meant for you was sent to another,however i want to believe i wont have a problem with you. Please once you receive your payment,i will like you to deduct your money and send the remaining via western union to the manager of the shipping company that will help me with the pickup.

Really?

I'm not sure what turnip truck this putz thinks I fell off of, but the grammar alone should have given me a clue in the earlier emails.

So...he wanted me to deposit his check (which we all know would be a bad check) and return the extra money back to him. Really? WOW!!

Please folks! PLEASE tell me you haven't fallen for this. Grandy was close to falling for it, while blinded with everything going on, but finally woke up. It breaks my heart to think these people are successful even some of the time.

PLEASE DON'T FALL FOR THESE SCAMS!!

Sincerely,

Grandy

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Classic Christmas Feelings

So someone emailed me recently and said there were less than 60 days to Christmas.

Grandy is NOT feeling in the holiday spirit at all lately.

I realize the house on the left may seem a bit Hum-Bug like...but I have to give the guy props for creativity.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

WTF Wednesday - The Edge


Grandy can't believe it's been a week and a half since getting the opportunity to post on this blog.

This sign pretty much indicates the state my life has been in for some time.

Unfortunately...I've gotten to close to this platform's edge and am on the verge of getting "sucked off".

Hang in there readers...I will come back soon.

I just didn't want you to think I was physically hurt somewhere...or that the light at the other end of that tunnel was in fact a train that has made impact already.

Hope you are all well??

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Save Them!!

It's that time of year.

Are you going to help?

What will you be doing?

Raise awareness folks...


SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Woman Scorned


Gentlemen Beware.

Grandy learned a joke the other day.

What do you get when you cross PMS with a GPS?

A BITCH WHO KNOWS HOW TO FIND YOU!!!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Belated Blogversary Post

October 3, 2007: Functional Shmunctional is BORN with this post.

October 3, 2008: Grandy has to undergo surgery on the 2nd, but still manages to pre-post so that she doesn't miss her 1st Blogversary on the 3rd, while she's in the hospital.

October 3, 2009: *blink blink* Really? NOTHING?!? How does Grandy blow this exactly? No telling...but we suspect Grandy has been trying with all her might to mimic those dang ostriches in the banner up there. HEAD BACK IN THE SAND!!! At any rate, perhaps Grandy will just say that she was off rockin' the night away while celebrating her 2nd Blogversary on a hot happenin' Saturday night. Yeahhh...that's the ticket.

People often keep journals for many reasons. My English teachers back in school used to make us keep one every year. Grandy always struggled with the personal commitment of keeping a journal. I'd go 2 weeks, maybe 3, and then run out of steam or focus. SHOCKING!! Grandy has a tendancy to lose focus!!

Somehow this "journal" has survived 2 years, and 365 posts.

HOLY UNDERWEAR BATMAN!!

This blog would not have lasted as long as it has, were it not for you out there. You laugh and cry with me, exactly when I needed you to. Here are some highlights from the last couple years.

First post where Grandy realized her MOM read her blog: YABUTS - Yeah...she suspected some of it was directed at her, but she got over it.

First post that got over 30 comments: A Letter to Ty - Also one of my personal favorites. This will last way longer than the birthday cards I've given him over the years. I happen to know he's gone back to read this one over and over...and yet the room remains un-clean.

Some apparent fan-favorites: I Couldn't Make This Up, Things You'd Hear at My Desk 1 & 2, and one several of us STILL giggle about at the office...Commuter's Emergency Kit.

As I reflect back on the last two years that have been shared with you all, I realize what I have gained from having this blog. I have my outlet. I've had a release. I've had perspective. I've had FUN. My writing has made me laugh, vent, and cry. This blog is all things random, and yet not all things that mean nothing. There are some rant blogs out there with rarely a theme. This blog is out there, but rarely without a purpose.

Thank you to all my readers, followers and stalkers. Thanks for keeping me honest, keeping me real, and welcoming me back to share more.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Fun in the Co-Worker Kitchen

Several months back, Grandy posted about someone who was stealing her lunch from the fridge at work. It was a bit of a rant, but it made her feel better. Grandy knows who it was stealing the food, but never confronted him about it. Just knowing it was him...was enough for me. The enabling Grandy even started to bring a little extra. I figured, hey, he must really need it.

Recently Grandy came across some great notes that have been left for co-workers who eat others' lunches. These folks...seriously... need to evidently release some built up aggression.




Oh sure...blame the economy. Everyone else does!!



I have often asked myself this same question. This is just taunting people now.


Handwriting analysis might need to be done on this one... This person should be watched.


This one gets an A+++ in the creativity department. Who goes to that much effort for their Diet Coke??

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Celebrating Even the Smallest Successes...

Grandy's recent celebration for the work win, was unfortunately pretty short lived. Regrettably, there's just so much going on in Grandy's head, and her heart, that makes it difficult to truly celebrate big things.

I suppose that would be a good thing that works in my favor in sales. You don't celebrate the big win for too long, before you are already focusing in on the next win. I will admit that is part of why my gears shifted so quickly, but would be lying if I said that were all.

You've seen Grandy post in the past about all that she has on her plate. You've seen me confess to the fact that her boss has referred to her as "Molotov Mary" (some truth to that). You are aware of my struggles with saying no, and thus being over-committed to every blasted thing (more truth to that). And whether or not I say this enough...Grandy is truly blessed with a lot of beautiful friends and family (all truth to that).

Let's see if Grandy can focus on some little successes in her hell other world, that might just help put things in perspective for her...

1. You will be pleased to know, that even after drinking copious amounts of wine (and even a drink called a scorpion), Grandy did not make an a$$ of herself at this event. As a matter of fact, she has managed to work 16-hour days, doing multiple jobs, and her head hasn't popped once (alright...maybe once...but not many people witnessed it). - Score 100 points for Molotov!!!

2. Another success? Grandy has resigned as the co-chair of the School's Site Council. This council wasn't a whole lot of extra work, but it was extra work and a commitment that maybe, towards the end of the last school year, I wasn't really able to give my all to. Weekly I keep threatening to quit the scouts...but I also threaten to get my lazy butt to the gym more...Grandy apparently lacks some commitment there. - Score 50 points for the SUCKER!

3. Friends...Grandy can't say enough about her friends and family. Grandy's friends are her family...and her family is most certainly her friends. Over the last few weeks, few months even, they have shown me sides of themselves that touch me so deeply. Were it not for these people surrounding me, Grandy would have popped months ago. When I posted my featured health success story from the med center's website here, I had also sent an email to all my friends and family thanking them for their support (crying as I wrote it of course).

Grandy learned about 2 weeks ago that despite all the crap misfortune going on, her health is still where it needs to be. - Grandy scores PRICELESS points!!!!

::yep...Grandy is crying again::

We are winding down 2009 (and what a hellacious year it has been) and it's looking good that her New Year's resolution of "NO ANESTHESIA OR -OSCOPY" could come to fruition. Grandy had kissed good-bye to SUCK-IT08 and rang in BRING-IT09 with focus. Looking back, maybe I brought this year upon me by sticking my chin out and saying...I CAN TAKE IT. ACK!!

Hmmm...This will make Grandy pause and seriously contemplate what phrase she coins for 2010. PAY-ME10? BLOW-ME10? We'll have to give this more thought...

For now, as Grandy struggles with what she feels like is an elephant balancing on dental floss, she is going to try to focus on these smaller successes. By themselves, they may not seem like much, but when you put them all together...it's these things together that get Grandy through the next day.

Why not share with Grandy what some of your successes have been lately? As you can see, no success is too small, but it's often those small ones that get overlooked or forgotten. Did you lose a pound? Finish a project? Land a job? Make a new connection? Let's combine all the successes in Grandy-land, and use it as a launching pad into a good week ahead.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Grandy shoots! SHE SCORES!!!

Grandy is really excited.

Can you tell?

REALLY EXCITED!!!

Wanna know why?

At the end of last year, Grandy decided she needed to focus on her professional growth. She's been doing the same job for 6 years, and in the same industry for 14 years. (Yeah, I did start when I was 7...yeah-huh!)

Grandy went to her bosses and said..."I want to do this!" Bosses looked at her like she was a dumbass bit crazy, because it was completely different than what she was already doing, but patted her on the head, and pretty much said "here are 52 flaming hoops for you to leap through...let's see ya do it."

Well hell...give Grandy a challenge and she'll take it head on. Unfortunately it's that fine line between challenges and DARES that sometimes gets Grandy into a world of fun trouble...but that's another post entirely.

As of today, Grandy has successfully scaled hoops 26-38! Why not all 52? I still have a lot to learn, and so much more a$$ to kick along the way. I would never say I'm quite there. As soon as I get to 45...there will be more lined up...53...54...96...97...you get the point.

Grandy has to give her big bosses credit though. Times have not been easy on the company (as with any other company) but with every hoop scaled, they have stood by their commitment. Grandy gives them swift kicks pause with some of her antics, but somewhere in there...they trust Grandy.

Thank you, bosses. Your fear confidence in my abilities gives me a new sense of commitment. Grandy will make you proud...and make you a lot of money!!!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

WTF Wednesday - More with Duct Tape?


Grandy has had this picture saved for some time. I can't even remember if I've posted it before, so I'm sorry if I have.
Looking at this picture, Grandy wonders a few things.
  • How many people actually stayed in the plane, to see if it would take off with the duct tape.
  • If the guy who put the tape on the wing is still employed at the airline.
  • If the airline served free drinks to all passengers who agreed to stay.
  • Would you fly this plane??

Maybe it's not a big commercial plane. Maybe it's just a crop duster.

All I can say is, there's not enough liquor in the world to make me stay on this plane. Ever!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Is it safe here?

Grandy has only been doing Facebook since February. Since that time, there have been a few little hiccups in the "friend" department, but nothing that Grandy couldn't handle.

There was one girl who was not really ever very nice to Grandy as a kid. Why does she want to friend me now? That's odd. Not thinking much of it, I went ahead and accepted her. I just don't pay any attention to her when she shows up on my home page.

A few weeks ago, however, there was another "friend" who was updating her status with a huge diatribe about how one of her "friends" was slamming her all over facebook. I knew who this person was, never liked her, but kept my mouth shut. In fact, this person kept showing up on my "friend suggestion" list, and I purposely would avoid her. My sister, on the other hand, commented on one of the diatribes, and ultimately got sucked into the high school drama. Talk about your total he said/she said (trust me on the weirdness of this one).

So yesterday it happened... Grandy goes into her Facebook and finds a friend request. ::jaws music playing:: it's HER. It's the one that started it all. Facebook says we have 47 friends in common... GOOD LORD! Grandy wants nothing to do with this person, and actually is steering clear of the other one too, but doesn't know what to do.

If Grandy ignores the friend request, she will most certainly know. If not...she's stuck.

Any tricks out there for kindly ignoring folks? Many of my blogging buds are masters at all things Facebook and Twitter (haven't gone there) and Grandy looks to you for advice.

What's your vote? IGNORE?? Will you protect me if I do and she's mad? I'm pretty sure this one, and there aren't many, could kick my butt. I'm just sayin'.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Grandy has a date!!

Grandy never quite got into the whole fraternity/sorority thing in college. Most of the time, they bored me. I must have been too serious then. In fact, in the whole time I was there, I only went to one football game. That says a lot, considering the fact that for one year I lived across from the stadium. I just had other things going on all the time, even though I really liked football.

It's funny how some things change.

Today Grandy has a DATE with her son. She's pulling him out of school early (does the principal read this blog?) and we're going down to the biggest game of the year tonight at my alma mater. He absolutely loves football, and has been obsessed with it since I took him to a game four years ago. Watching him get excited about the game, and my old school, has given me a renewed energy about my old school.

So, we're driving 3 1/2 hours to get to the game, going to have a blast (even though we will lose), staying at my brother's, then turning around to come back in time for his own game tomorrow. It will be tiring...but so worth it.

I don't know that my weekend will slow down at all by Sunday, but I promise, I'll blog more next week folks. So much going on, that I cannot share here, but always a story in my head for you all.

See you at the game!!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Crazy Clumsiness

Grandy had a college lighting professor who used to always explain that "black-out" was not black. It was the complete absence of light.

What Grandy wants to know is whether or not bad luck was the complete absence of luck?

Yesterday I alluded to my skills in the lame-ness category, and I'm sorry I didn't exactly specify. Yes, Grandy went down a friend's deck like a slinky. Nothing broken. Very bruised.

This is only one example of how Grandy is not an accident waiting to happen, but rather an accident looking for a PLACE to happen. I get frustrated sometimes at the depth of my crazy clumsiness. Some of my injuries have been out of my control (car accidents, flying objects, etc.) whereas other injuries are thrust upon me, and perhaps I should have avoided it.

Yesterday, when I walked out of my friend's house I noticed that her husband had pressure washed the deck. So...knowing my inclination for such gravitational pulls...I walked over to the top step and reached out for the railing, so I could be careful walking down. So much for that.

Grandy steps down the first step...her feet fly...then thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. THUMP.

Grandy knocked her ankle, her arms, her knee, and felt an immediate 3rd butt-cheek growing out of her hip. All I could think of was, "get to the car and cry there". Grandy drove home, embarrassed and crying (because now the adrenaline is wearing off and the swelling is commencing).

If my mom reads this, I'm fine. If my sisters read this, I'm okay. If my girlfriends read this, I'm hosed, and could take a collection for a massage certificate. Except...That 3rd butt cheek. It's not going to let ANYONE touch it any time soon.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Grandy is Lame

Dictionary.com has the following definitions for the word LAME:

–adjective
1. crippled or physically disabled, esp. in the foot or leg so as to limp or walk with difficulty.
2. impaired or disabled through defect or injury: a lame arm.
3. weak; inadequate; unsatisfactory; clumsy: a lame excuse.
4. Slang. out of touch with modern fads or trends; unsophisticated.

–verb (used with object)
5. to make lame or defective.

–noun
6. Slang. a person who is out of touch with modern fads or trends, esp. one who is unsophisticated.

Let's recap where Grandy fits into the definition and how it applies to her...

1. Yep
2. Got that covered
3. Uh-huh
4. Certainly
5. Already there
6. That too

Wow... Although I'm able to scale the depths of an entire front deck like a dang slinky, and walk away (slowly), it never ceases to amaze me how many times I CAN bounce down those stairs.

Grandy is fine. Bruised. Sore. LAME ON ALL LEVELS!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Safety Warnings


Grandy can't tell you enough how many times she has had to remind herself, "Grandy, you MUST be smarter than the machine."

Although this reminder seems to help me through the immediate moment (that and a good swift kick of the machine) I can't help but think that a sign like this would go far in the world.

Think of the revolution we could start...
  • At the slurpee machines: When you think you've stopped in time to make it stop spewing out, only to have Mount St. Helens all over your hands.
  • At gas stations (where the air pump things are): Just when you think that even the smallest car in the world parks within an inch of its life to the air pumps, and yet the hose is still.not.long.enough.
  • Drive-Up ATMs: Don't get me started on the braille thing (that's a different post all together). Wait...Do you think the sign would come in braille?
  • Touchless Paper Towel Dispensers: Really... Grandy tends to be the one that punches those things because her "wave" just won't register.

What piece of machinery do you think could use one of these signs? I'm sure there are many more out there. Grandy's just drawing a blank at the moment.

Maybe we should post the sign on my laptop.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Powers of the Perfection Perception

As Grandy was racing down the hill on Saturday last week, she thought to herself...

30 Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwhiches made, all the scouts and leaders are fed - Check

Laundry has been transferred - Check

Took care of man who cut his leg with the chain saw - Check (seriously...I had 30 scouts and leaders in my dang back yard and I'M the one taking care of the chain saw injury because the Dad didn't want anyone "to know".)

Did Grandy get her house cleaned? - NO Check

Grandy was now racing to a 1:00 baby shower, an hour away, and then a 5:00 bridal shower also an hour away. (For the record, they were two different people and yes, they were about 15 minutes from each other at least.)

BUT Grandy's house is NOT clean. It's anything but! UGH!! A nap is on the schedule on or about January 13, 2010...when will Grandy get a chance to CLEAN?

The thought crossed my mind that perhaps I'm just not built to be domestically inclined. There are those people...maybe I'm just one of them. Grandy tries to keep it all together, but can only keep up the appearance for so long. If any of those scouts had to actually come into the house, I'm pretty certain it would give Ty a nickname that would carry him through high school.

That night I was instructed to meet the boys at a friend's house who is having a "get together", I dutifully arrived at around 9:00. My girlfriends were obviously well ahead of me in their quest to escape all reality and get their drink on, and I decided I wasn't going to try to catch up (shocking I know). Hey...Grandy can still get her party on, and have a good time, without alcohol.
The conversation took an interesting turn when one girlfriend started talking about how hard she works to be perfect for her husband and family. WTF? Perfect?!

I asked her to define what her take on perfection was, and she was able to tell me quicker than blinking. One of the keys to her perfection was a clean house. Not just a "clean" house, but an uber-no-dirt-to-be-found-cans lined in a row-everything in its place-clean.

THEN I asked her to define what her husband thought perfection was... blink... blink. A clean house.

She asked me how I do it all, and I laughed and rolled my eyes. I don't do it ALL. I do a lot, and fake the rest. She says, "NO!! You are amazing with all the stuff you do, and do well." Now, this woman has seen the inside of my house, maybe it was a while ago, but she's been inside. It is nowhere near perfection. Doesn't she know that?

This woman carried on (and I do love this woman) with talking about all the committees I'm on, and run, all the events I do, the hours of work I put in, and how hard the work is. Bless her heart, she actually said that she wants to BE LIKE GRANDY. *Put the crack pipe down and no one gets hurt* Seriously?

On a day where Grandy is questioning whether she is doing enough, and wonders how she can even do what she's doing, and someone is praising her? Someone with an immaculately clean house? Huh??

One thing my friend struggles with is how to relate to her husband. I told her she needed to sit down and ask him what he thought perfection was. If she's working so hard to be perfect, based on what she thinks is perfect and doesn't know anymore what he wants, then what's the point? All her efforts are being lost for the wrong reasons. With that, when I dropped her off, she hugged me and skipped off to her house.

"You are a wise and good soul Grandy." she called out. (she truly does call me Grandy)

It just goes to show you...just when you feel like you are at your weakest, and not fooling anyone. Someone comes along to remind you that you're doing something right... even if you can't see my dining room table.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

WTF Wednesday - In Search Of...

It is one of those mysteries that perplexes the mind. Like searching for Saskquatch, or the Loch-ness-monster, it is sometimes seen but rarely photographed. It is a phenomenon that can't be explained.

How does it happen?

And why?

Worse yet...and something I've never ever seen...WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS?!?



A rare photo of the Cracken Monster, trying to disguise itself with Duct Tape.

NOW I may have seen everything... almost.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Watching Your Back


Grandy feels like she's watching the shadows over her back.

It's nothing I can place my finger on exactly.

But I can definitely relate to this fish.

I'm juggling a lot (of course) and have a couple people watching to see if I fail.

I'm here to tell ya, "Putty Tat"... That is so NOT going to happen!!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Grandy Steps In It


Grandy's schedule is starting take it's toll.

It's that time of year, like clock-work, where Grandy seems to need a break. Regrettably, it is also this time of year where Grandy has been forced to take medically induced sabatticals 4 times in her lifetime.

Perhaps Grandy has some sort of adverse allergic reaction to the months of August and September?

At any rate, Grandy has not popped...yet.

HOWEVER... tomorrow Grandy is taking a day long "business trip", on a boat, with the President of the company, and the Vice President, and the other one, and every other dang executive in the company. Grandy will be the only girl on the boat.

There will be food. There will be wine. There will be Grandy.

Better take my Benedryl now to avoid the rash of Grandy-isms that could break out.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The loss of a personal hero

Grandy was 19 years old when she stumbled into the wrong corridor looking for a class, and ran into a rather kind portly gentle-man.

"Can I help you little lady?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, but I think I'm lost" I responded.

"Aren't we all?" he replied with a smile. "What is it you're looking for?"

To this day I don't even remember what class it was I was looking for. All I know is there was this man, with a larger than life personality, and the all the charm in the world. He was working on casting for some one-act plays, and convinced me to audition. He cast me... and changed my world forever.

This lovely, sweet man, who influenced and loved so many, passed away yesterday. He was my first mentor, and a personal hero. He was the man that convinced me that I could do Theatre. He never tried to tell me what I "should" do...he just reminded me of what I was capable of.

He was brilliant, artistic, sometimes impatient, and authentic. You never questioned what he meant, and always knew where you stood. This is a quality Grandy has always embraced.

Thanks to the community of Facebook, I learned of the loss, and have been able to embrace my fellow theatre family members who are still stunned from the loss. It's amazing that although I haven't worked with some of these people in over ten years, we are still connected and the love is still there. His Facebook page is now filled with love and emotion, as people express their appreciation for all he's done for them.

Thank you, Tom, for all those you've touched in your life. You have left a legacy that cannot be replaced, and will be sorely missed. I LOVE YOU!!


Friday, August 21, 2009

I DID Survive

Grandy got a message from her sweet friend the other day, on Facebook.


"HEY! I'm needing my blogging fix, and you haven't been around!" she says.


Oh good grief!! Grandy has been glued to the computer, but has not had the time to get online and post. SO sorry readers!!!


I will be back soon to update you on life in Grandy-land, but I thought I would show you a pic of me and my date from the reunion last weekend to prove that we survived.


WE HAD A BLAST!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A GLORIOUS WEEKEND

Grandy's weekend is all about good times.

The last few weeks...let's face it, MONTHS...Grandy has been wrought with "issues". Furlough issues, pay cut talks, family unemployment, family cancer issues, long days, short nights, and all sorts of other crap have been ruining my days and limiting my enjoyment of life.

Tomorrow and Monday are Grandy's first two furlough days, and she is down in Salinas for her...are you ready for this...20 year high school reunion. Technically it's only 19 years, but since Grandy's high school is celebrating their 50th year anniversary, they have combined 3 years together.

I have vowed to NOT WORK FOR 4 DAYS. Really. Grandy works on vacation and sick days, because that's the way that she operates, and she's already getting paid for them, but seriously...they are not getting my blood when they don't want to pay me. So that alone will be a nice break.

I'm really looking forward to connecting with old friends from the grades that graduated around me. Sunday is the anniversary of Dad's passing, and I get to go see him on that day. Tonight I'm hanging with a life-long girlfriend (remember Dens who never blogs enough?). It doesn't get much better.

This weekend Grandy will drink, laugh, drink, cry, drink and love.

I am SO looking forward to it!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Perplexed


The fact that they somehow got a picture of this cat holding a Rubik's cube makes me giggle.

For all the animal lovers out there, Grandy is here to assure you that this cat will have that thing figured out long before Grandy does.

These things are hard...for Grandy anyway.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

A New Prescription We ALL Need


Grandy has found a medication she is not opposed to taking. This pill is more than just a happy pill. It's a pill with benefits.

We have a friend who said that an Optimist feels like things can't get any worse, whereas a Pessimist knows that they can.

Folks...I'm not sure where Grandy fits into this spectrum...but I am dang tired of the bad luck.

Please call your doctors and ask about this prescription. I can only think of a few possible side effects, and none of them involve diarrhea or vomiting.


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

WTF Wednesday - The Joys of Summer

Summer months can be HOT HOT HOT!!!

Wouldn't you love a company like this to come and service your Air Conditioning??



I know several men that would hire them just for the great corporate name.

I love the person that stuck their camera outside the window and took this picture, because that is EXACTLY what Grandy would do.

Hahaha!! Right on!!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Hidden Keys to Relationships

Today Grandy visited the Annual Fire Department Garage Sale. It's a big thing where people all over town donate their unwanted things, in hopes that if it sells, the money goes to our volunteer fire department. Going through the discards of so many families makes it that much more fun.

Grandy could not miss the opportunity to take a picture of this...



Relationships can be a difficult thing.

I don't know a single marriage that hasn't faced obstacles from all angles.

Whether or not one is strong enough to weather the storm, can go either way.

Grandy wonders, however, whether or not the couple that bought these videos made it the distance.

I suppose it might have helped them a little... if they had maybe OPENED one of the videos though.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Joining the Club

I am fortunate to work with a lovely woman (actually many lovely women), and even more fortunate to call this woman my friend.

Over the last several weeks I have witnessed her care from her mother, who until yesterday was in her final stages of cancer. My friend would be with her mother at night, and try to work from her mother's home during the day.

When "Mom's" condition worsened a few weeks ago, my immediate reaction was pretty much like this: "Okay...here's what you can expect. You are one of six grown children. Your family will all react differently. They will act crazy...and so will you." Let's face it folks, everyone copes with things differently, and just because you're related it doesn't mean they will react as you would.

At first, I worried that my initial advice was too harsh. Maybe her family wouldn't get crazy... but I did feel pretty confident that with 6 grown children, all married, there were way too many family dynamics coming into play. It's a good thing we joked about it, because as we entered into our third week of her adventure, the pressure was starting to mount and reactions were more extreme.

Last week I got a text message from her that read, Remind me again why I can't kill my family? To which I replied with a simple...Because the "Twinkie defense" only works if you actually EAT twinkies, which you don't. She sent me a couple messages after that... LOL...and significantly later...STILL LOL!

My blessing at work regrettably joined the "LOP" (Loss of Parent) club yesterday. Her lovely mother was only 71. How beautiful that she got to be with her, in her final moments. It's even more wonderful that she feels honored by it. Deep down...I know she will be okay, but right now it doesn't help the hurt.

It doesn't matter how old your parent is. The LOP club SUCKS!!!

The only comfort I could give her when she showed up at the office today (oh yes she did folks...don't worry...I kicked her out as soon as she would let me) was that I was here in this club to be there for her. I can't promise to take her pain away, but I can take her under my wing in the club, as some wonderful people did for me.

If you are a member of the LOP club...bless you. If you are not...bless you too. If this circle of life crap happens as I'm told it's supposed to, you will be. It sucks...but you're not alone. Come into the club only when you're ready...and one of the existing members (like me) will be there to embrace you.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Swimming Up-Stream


Grandy can totally relate to this dog swimming up what she believes is up-stream.

We have a few minutes left in this WTF Wednesday. I would have been online sooner, but well... You know.

Grandy is definitely in some up-hill swim momentum at the moment. No real updates to provide, other than I will tell you I had a different understanding of the word "voluntary" before this week.

One definition appears to be - VOLUNTARY: Before we make it Mandatory.

Grandy definitely feels like this dog, swimming, while the world around her says, "stand up idiot!"

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Would Grandy Survive?

Last week Grandy got a call from her mother-in-law.

Her: Are you stuck at home or stuck in Sac?

Me: Stuck?!?

Her: There's a big fire on the road, and your road is closed.

Me: There is?!?

Her: (laughing) Yes! You can't get home.

Me: Good thing I'm going to the show with a friend.

Her: You're welcome to stay at my place, if you need to.

Me: Oh no, thank you. I will be FINE!!


This is what was happening when she called me. Because Grandy was not in the area, she had no idea of the magnitude. This thing burned through about 600 acres in a very short time, but the fire crews (as they always are) were AWESOME!!

Grandy was able to come home, but it was late and the area seemed eerily like driving straight into the depths of purgatory. The sky was completely red, the flames were huge, there were little fires along the side of the road, where the firefighters had tried to light fires to keep it back. I've got to admit, I was a little nervous driving on the road at 10:30 at night, with flames nearby, with her convertible.

NEVER a dull moment in Grandy-land. NEVER!!!!

Grandy obviously made it home, completely in awe of how quickly things can happen. It got her thinking... If Grandy was in one of those mass distruction videos where the volcano erupts, a meteor is crashing into the earth, or we were invaded by aliens...would Grandy be one that survives?

Now, if she were on the Titanic, she wouldn't have survived. She would have been down below with the real people, partying it up and dancing on the tables. She'd be giving the bird to the folks that locked us down there.

But as far as surviving these sort of things... probably... but not without several injuries along the way. THAT is the story of my life.

*SURVIVAL WITH INJURIES*

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Feeling Hostile


Grandy thought that Tuesday was a better day than yesterday's Grumpy Grumperton from Grumpville day. REALLY.

However...this serenity prayer pretty much sums up the frustration and hostility she can't quite keep a handle on.

Can you read it? It is not intended to mock the actual serenity prayer (Grandy actually relies on that on a regular basis) but it does work for Grandy right now.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

Where do I sign for this mantra??

Monday, July 20, 2009

Grumpy Grandy

You know those days when you should just get back in bed? Well today Grandy realized before she even got out of bed that it was going to be one of those days.

FOLLOW YOUR GUT GRANDY!!

Well in classic Grandy style, rather than sit here and mope about her day, she has decided to come online and bitch and moan share with you all some clues she's had throughout the day that maybe pointed out the fact that Grandy was in a foul mood.

Clue 1: When carpool friend asks you, as you're walking to her car, "What's the matter with you today Grumpy Grumperton from Grumpville?" - Was it THAT obvious?

Clue 2: Ladies...when you use the toilet seat protector in the restroom, Grandy is pretty certain that if you didn't want to plant your ass on the seat, we don't want to plant OURS on your seat protector. Here's a hint...flush it WITH your stuff. - Normally things like that don't bug Grandy.

Clue 3: Nasty Man calls weekly to yell at Grandy. TODAY...Grandy hung up on Nasty Man. - Oh yes she did!

Clue 4: One of the owners sends a special invitation to 9 people in the company for a special event on his boat. Grandy realizes she is the ONLY female in the group, and her first thought is not one of appreciation, but an image of Grandy entering into the lion's den.

Clue 5: Grandy is having a discussion with an attorney representing a crack whore plaintiff who has a history of tormenting my client and other tenants with threats of physical harm. While cutting the conversation painfully short, Grandy let it be known he would have his hands full with his client. - Normally Grandy tries to keep those things to herself, but when she got off the phone she couldn't help but feel bad for the guy.

Clue 6: Grandy had 6.3 people ask her if she was alright today. - Seriously? I tried to keep to myself and mind my own. Is that where I went wrong?

Yep! Grandy was in a bit of foul mood indeed.

Oh well. At least she can laugh about it...tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Drawing the Line



Hahaha!! This one cracks me up!!

If I didn't know better, I would say my son might have done this road work. I've watched him "vacuum" around large items that sit in the middle of the floor. You know, a piece of paper gets knocked off the coffee table, and rather than pick it up he vacuums around it.

So...I'm guessing the guy (oh yes I'm assuming it was a guy because NO WAY would a woman do this) who did this is either about 15 years old...or he's at the bar slowly killing off more brain cells as we speak.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Making a Difference



Grandy goes through her job doing the best she can for her clients. It's not done because they PAY me (although it does help me actually GET to work if there's gas in the car). I truly do like helping the clients. Lately though, with everyone's spirits being so low, I can't help but wonder why I try so hard. Really... Does my extra effort matter? Does this client care that I'm working on their monthly summary over the weekend? Do they even NOTICE that I am responding to their inquiry asking for help at 9:00 at NIGHT?!?

Today Grandy's faith in why she does what she does, and why she tries so hard, was restored.

Back in the early part of the year we had a former client in a real bind. This sweet man, who had moved his business away from us a couple years ago due to something WAY beyond my control, found himself in such a mess. He was facing a litigation without insurance coverage that would pay for his defense. I spent MONTHS trying to dig deep through whatever lead I could find to retrace his insurance history that dated back to the early 1980's. NOT an easy task.

One day in April, this sweet man called me. He sounded like he was at the end of his rope. "I'm going to have to file bankruptcy," he said. He had already paid thousands of dollars towards the attorneys, and didn't think he could carry it any further. This case was NOT going to go away. This man has been in business for 36 years, and he was at his threshold.

"Give me 2 more weeks!" I said. "I HAVE TO TRY!"

He agreed to give me two more weeks. I had regular dialogue with his attorney, and was trying EVERYTHING. Then one week later the clouds opened. A couple of avenues I tried paid off big time. Not only did I find coverage, and they agreed to defend him...but they were also going to reimburse him for his bills he already paid. THOUSANDS!!!

Yesterday Grandy finally met this man in person for lunch. That's right...I had not met him in person before. I had only spoken to him on the phone. I reached to shake his hand, and this gruff, self-proclaimed "Oakie" knocked my hand away and gave me a big bear hug.

This gentle-man shared some amazing stories about how he met his wife, how she saved his life, and how things happen for a reason. He talked about what he's been working on since I have helped him. He's trying something new with the business, to try and generate business, and it seems to be working well for him.

He then turned to me and said the following:

I just want you to know that if you ever question how you make a difference in this world, you should know that you saved my business, and you saved me. My current broker wouldn't even look at the lawsuit. In fact he asked me, "What am I supposed to do with this?" You took care of this because YOU cared about what happened to ME, and I will never forget that.

Then he turns to the Producer who had worked on the account for many years and said, "As far as I'm concerned, you've got my business back. You make it happen."

As soon as Grandy got done tearing up (who am I kidding...I full on cried...even sniffled) he handed me a note and asked me to open it later, in private.

The note said: I want to Thank YOU from the bottom of my heart. Without your efforts, I would have had no choice but bankruptcy.

Yep!! This is going to be a great week!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Are you talking about ME?

A few months back, Grandy got a call from her Doctor's office.

This call was different.

"Grandy, we have someone wanting to do a feature for the Sutter Health Website, and we'd like to relay your information on. Would you be interested?"

Huh? Sure...I suppose.

A month goes by. The call comes from the hospital asking me to sign some documents. Perhaps they want to determine their varying levels of "success", and need to see if Grandy qualifies.

Another month goes by and the call comes from the writer doing the feature.

As she's asking me questions, I'm still a bit amazed that people want to talk to ME about being a "success" where it comes to my health. ME?!? SERIOUSLY?

Folks...the article is up. When I sent the link out to my family and friends it made me cry like a baby. The thought of the words "success" and "health" being used in the same breath, and have them talk about ME meant more than you will ever know. I have only touched the surface on my health issues here on this blog, but it is safe to know I have been through a journey.

Please go read my article here: http://checksutterfirst.org/bariatrics/patientstories/mary.html

Come back and comment, and enjoy the article. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I need to use it as my reminder to be strong, even when I feel like I cannot.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

What now?

I have been looking forward to today for weeks now.

It took a lot of work to coordinate the trip for 17 boys and 5 leaders but the Grandy boys, and the most of the troop, pulled away this morning without a hitch. I'm certain that the boys will have fun, both young and old. The Dads going are a great group. The boys will come home with some great stories, new merit badges, and a very distinctive odor emitting from them that will take another week to get it out.

So what does this mean?

GRANDY HAS THE HOUSE TO HERSELF FOR A WEEK!!!!

Here is my very own honey-do list for the week. I've never done my own, surrounded mostly on what I WANT...so it's kind of fun.

*Take a nap - will do that when I'm done here.

*Read a book - yep! Started one yesterday, and my goal is to finish it this week.

*Dishes - Not a biggie...I do that anyway. NOW I can do it with my Broadway Channel blaring in the background.

*Work - Didn't take any days off but I've got meetings, and one of them involves a boat trip in San Francisco one day.

*Post Daily Here - It's been a while, and I'm having difficulty with the scheduling feature, but I can do this for a week!!

*See Altar Boyz Thursday - It's a musical I'm not familiar with, but the reviews are pretty good. Going with a friend, and any night where I can get Sushi and a Musical is a great night.

*Go to Lake Tahoe Friday - Going with another friend to catch Shakespeare at Tahoe. Oh yes, a good girlfriend (she's been trying to get me to go every summer for 6 years), Lake Tahoe, good wine, and my boy Bill. It rarely gets much better.

Not a bad week, huh?

It's sad that I try to squeeze in my first loves (theatre, music, reading, writing) while my other loves are away. It just kinda works out this way. My time is not my own when the boys are around. I need to work on that balance.

This might be JUST what Grandy needs.

See you all on the other side of a week of Rest and Relaxation!!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Statistics Shmatistics


Read this one again folks!!

My guess is the frequency of teen pregnancy would drop off when they hit the age of... UM... 20??

Maybe we should buy them the condoms that were on sale last week for Mother's Day?

Monday, July 6, 2009

Nice Parking Job!


During the hustle and bustle of the Christmas holiday season, with people flocking to the malls and shopping centers in droves, parking can be somewhat...problematic.

There have been times that Grandy has come out to her car and could not get into it because someone parked so dang close to her door that there would be no way to get the leg in. Grandy has literally had to climb over the passenger seat before. It is times like these, because Grandy already hates to shop, that truly makes the head want to EXPLODE. There have been occasions when a note has been left, or even some choice words have been exchanged with the person who parked the vehicle there.

Now, don't get me wrong, my parking skills are not one for the record books. There have been occasions where maybe I have a tire on the line, or had to make a 32 point turn to maneuver into a parallel parking spot. There was that one time I drove my then boyfriend's (now hubby) truck to the mall to pick up a gift, the parking lot was packed and Grandy saw a primo spot in front of a corvette. I pulled into the space with the lifted truck, and wondered how close I was to the corvette. With the truck in park I got out to check, because I really couldn't tell.

UH-OH!

Yep! Grandy had parked over the corvette. There was absolutely no contact with the little car, but somehow I had parked far enough over it that half the hood was under the truck. YIKES!! You guessed it, Grandy backed out of the spot, checked the vette again for any possible scratches (not a one folks) and decided she would take the land yacht (aka pick-up) to the far end of the parking lot where there were no other cars.

Last week Grandy met a friend for dinner. If it weren't for the fact that this restaurant (on the outside of the mall) wasn't one of the best sushi places around, Grandy would not bother going there. But she was in a hurry, parked in the back, and there were about 20 open spaces all around her. Because she was in a hurry, Grandy didn't realize that her back tire was a little over the line of the next parking space. Besides, there seriously was about 20 open spaces around her!

Grandy had a good time at dinner with her friend, they walked around the massive bookstore inside, and she returned to her car a few hours later. As she approached, she could see something in the windshield. Oh yeah...it was a note alright. The note read: Nice parking job a$$hole!! Learn how to f*c*ing park!!

Hahahaha!!!! There are still 20 open spaces around her, she's in the back of the parking lot, and there is no one else around. The thought that I made someone irate enough to stop and leave this note, by parking out in the middle of nowhere, and having my tire over the line, made me hysterical. I seriously got in the car and laughed so hard I had tears.

Grandy would like to thank the charming soul that left that note on her car. Truly thank that soul. For you see, before that note, I had been having a rough day, consoling a dear friend, and just having an overall difficult time putting things into perspective. That note reminded me, although Grandy may feel like she's going crazy sometimes, there are still people out there WAY worse off than she is.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

My Boys

So many of you thought that I only had one boy...




Well get a load of the rest of my boys...



At any given time we have one, several, or all of these boys with us.

They're a group of knuckleheads, but I gotta love them.

I was so proud of them this morning at the 4th of July parade.

I hope you all have a glorious holiday weekend!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

WTF Wednesday - Mother's Day?



Because nothing says "I love you, Mom" like condoms.


HUH?!?!

Monday, June 29, 2009

A letter to Grandy's Bank

Dear F*CK*NG Bank Management:

I very much appreciate the level of efforts you go to to make sure that Grandy's account is safe from identity theft. I can even appreciate that although it was somehow YOUR FAULT that somehow our information may have gotten into the wrong hands, you thought it was most prudent for them to issue new cards. That was very thoughtful.

What I don't exactly understand, however, is that although you sent me a new card last week, and a letter explaining what had happened, that you decided that all of a sudden SATURDAY would be a good day for you to flag the flipping card.

You see, your bank is not open past 1:00 on Saturday. So when Grandy has a ga-zillion things going on at one time, she maybe doesn't make it to the bank to activate her card so she can set her pin. After all, nobody remembers the damn codes you send in the mail, so I need to get to branch to activate a pin. Because Grandy likes to promote local commerce, she uses your small bank for the sense of "community" she gets when she walks in to your remote location, she can't necessarily make it to your branch before you close at 5:00 30 miles away from her dang office.

Please allow me to explain the inconvenience experienced with your decision.

Grandy is at her new favorite store, BevMo. Did you know they are having their 5cent wine sale? Oh yeah, Grandy walks up to the counter with 6 bottles of wine (I swear they were not all for me alone) with her debit card in hand. She swipes the card, and has the following dialogue with the cute young man at the register:

- Him: Ma'am (because Grandy LOVES being called Ma'am) do you happen to have another card? This one is not working.
- Me: What? Why? There's money in there!
- Him: I'm not sure.
- Me: There must be some sort of mistake. ::swipes the card again and notices long line forming behind her with only this ONE register open::
- Him: Ma'am (there's that word again) would you please look at my screen.
- ::Ty and Grandy look up at the same time to witness the following:: PICK UP...SUSPECTED FRAUD.

WTF?!?!

- Him: Ma'am (now he's starting to piss me off)...I don't want to have to take your card.
- Me: Okay, there is obviously some mistake. Please set this box aside and I'll go outside, call the bank, and see if I can straighten this out.

Grandy walks outside thoroughly pissed off and calls the bank. YEP!! The money is there! She proceeds to a nearby credit union to get some cash, ass-u-me (ing) that there is some sort of issue with BevMo's machine.

Guess what Bank Management...THAT DANG ATM KEPT MY F*&K*!!G CARD!!!

When Grandy called your bank to calmly discuss her predicament today, and could hear several customer service reps in the background discussing the same thing, she was a little more than irritated when Lucy (the bank twit) acted like it was not a big deal at all.

All cards were deactivated.

WTF? REALLY??

You are lucky, you bank butt-heads. You are lucky that I drove 20 miles home, activated the card, and could use it as a credit card so I could put gas in her car to get to the Special Olympics the next day. We would have missed out on some amazing experiences, and Grandy would have had to come down you and show you WHY she doesn't like to be called Ma'am.

F*CKE*S!!