Grandy followed up with the Urologist (like a good little girl) first thing Monday morning, from work. She held off on taking any pain meds that day because she had a HUGE presentation at 1:00, but had a back-up plan for taking the meds
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Grandy followed up with the Urologist (like a good little girl) first thing Monday morning, from work. She held off on taking any pain meds that day because she had a HUGE presentation at 1:00, but had a back-up plan for taking the meds
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Grandy has pretty much established that she brought on the sucky year she's had. She had coined Suck-It2008 & Bring-It2009, where she figuratively stuck her chin out to the cosmic gods and said, "HEY YOU!! I CAN TAKE IT!!"
Well, Grandy's 2009 New Years resolution was a pretty easy task (so she thought). She had resolved to have no anesthesia or "-oscopy" in 2009. You see, 2008 she had several "oscopies" and 2 surgeries, she was DONE.
So far...so good. Grandy has had several issues come up, that have caused her to make frequent trips to the doctor, but so far nothing major.
UNTIL...Christmas Eve 2009
Grandy wakes up with nothing short of labor pains. Considering the fact that Grandy is NOT (allow me to repeat NOT) pregnant, this was alarming. Grandy gets in to the doctor, who can't understand what's causing this. "Could this be another kidney stone?" Grandy asks (knowing my history for kidney stones). "Maybe?" He says.
Please understand that the issues Grandy references earlier all have been going on for several months, and for those months, Grandy has asked "Could I be having another kidney stone?". Each time, I've been forced to see a different doctor, go through my medical history, and get yet another round of antibiotics for what they all believed was "a bladder infection". FOR THREE MONTHS?
Grandy gets a free pass to radiology at the Hospital. The ultra-sound makes an unusual exit from the room mid-exam, and comes back. She says she can't make me drink any more water because, "You have a HUGE kidney stone."
There's no reason to be upset, or even anxious about this news. A kidney stone is totally doable and fixable. She takes me back to the waiting room and asks me to wait there. After waiting there for about 20 minutes, another lady says she's there to take me to the emergency room.
"Why?" I ask her.
"Because you apparently have a HUGE kidney stone." She replies.
At this point, no one has been able to give me any specifics, but I'm quickly escorted into the emergency room and given a bed. Luckily, early on Christmas Eve, they're not very busy.
Within a few moments, the ER doctor and nurse are there to see the "modern marvel". "How is it that you're wearing a smile?" the doctor asks me. "You didn't see me earlier, but right now I can finally sit without too much pain. WHY?" I replied.
"You have a 1.4cm kidney stone obstructing your tube." He says.
"Is that big?" I ask.
"Well, we usually measure these in MILIMETERS, and you have 1.4CENTIMETER." He enunciates.
"So...I still don't understand the connection." I replied.
"Hmmm...Let's see. We get patients in here in tears and screaming with 3-5mm stones. You have 3 times that size, and it's creating an obstruction, and you're being nice to my staff." He tries to explain.
"Well, it's not their fault." I replied.
We all laughed at that.
Regardless...Grandy's 2009 resolution may not come to fruition. As of today, I have made it 361 days into the year. The doctors say that I cannot pass this on my own. They've given me pain meds (some dang good ones) and I have to follow up with the Urologist tomorrow.
Good news... I got to come home for Christmas Eve.
Bad News... I will have to have the procedure...probably before the year is out.
Good News... PAIN MEDS!
Bad News... Pain meds make me SO SLEEPY.
Good News... I WAS RIGHT!! And my ongoing issues will be gone when this goes.
Bad News... Anesthesia.
Oh well. Maybe I'll make it to day 364?
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Grandy does have a small problem, however. Despite all the chiming bells, decorations, and
She has tried watching all sorts of holiday movies that might help, but she can't make it past the 33rd commercial break in the first 20 minutes. She attended a Christmas parade last weekend, and proceeded to provide sarcastic commentary with some friends. (Ok Santa, that was pretty fun, but probably not the fun you had in mind.)
There's no tree. No decorations. No baking. It's two weeks before Christmas, and Grandy is feeling ever-so-ebinezer-ish. In fact, there are only a couple differences between Scrooge and Grandy at the moment. Scrooge has tons of money, and no friends. Grandy has tons of friends, and no money.
WAIT!! That's IT!!!
Grandy gets it now!! Christmas is about appreciating those you
Ok Santa, tomorrow Grandy will try to get her tree up. She will pull some frozen cookie dough out of the freezer, and bake it (these domestic things take time). Since Scrooge finally found the meaning of Christmas, I suppose Grandy can too.
p.s. If it's not too much trouble, Grandy would really appreciate you overlooking some of her
stupidity antics this past year. She knows you won't buy the temporary insanity bit for too much longer.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
There are few things I WON'T say to ANYBODY. Grandy tends to use the "out-loud-voice" whenever possible, regardless of your title. It's not that I don't have any respect for authority, or recognize the importance of a position...quite the contrary. I just happen to think that just because you hold a certain title, it doesn't bar you from getting the real Grandy.
Big Man 1 (Regional VP of HUGE Company): Thank you for helping us work through this, Mary.
Big Man 2 (Owner of FANCY Restaurant): Now that I'm back in the states, Mary, I need to understand this better. I knew you were just the person to call and ask.
Me: What are you buttering me up for?
Big Man 2: I'm not buttering. I'm just saying you know all this stuff, and will tell me honestly.
Me: Uh-Oh... What did you do?
Big Man 3 (CFO of Company...not sure what they do): Please review this document from our Paris location, and tell me what you think.
Me: Ummm... I think it's in FRENCH!
Not-So-Big-But-Fun-Man: I'm afraid we're about to make your client unhappy, and need to schedule a conference call. We'd like you to be on the call.
Me: Why? Do you need back-up or a witness?
Oh yeah...Grandy is having more fun than should be allowed...with her clothes on.
I wonder if any of these will reflect on my performance appraisal.
Wonder if I care?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Oh yeah...Maury should be worried about what this over-the-counter-do-it-yourself paternity test could do for his future episodes.
With this modern little piece of science, little Suzy could buy these in bulk and still have enough for a ring-pop and a root beer. I didn't actually catch what the percentage of accuracy is, but I'm quite certain it couldn't be nearly as accurate as the results on Maury's show. Right? One can hope.
Poor Maury. How will he survive such competition?
Friday, November 27, 2009
Well recently she posted Careful Where You Stick That, which of course lured Grandy straight to reading. She talks about a silly thing she did while AT the doctor's office that caused her an injury. Then she challenged her readers to share a story of something stupid they did as kids that caused an injury.
Psssttt... Would now be a good time to let out my secret that Grandy STILL does stupid things that cause injuries?
For this "episode" Grandy was about 7 years old. Remember the times when your parents could leave and tell you to "stay inside" and it was just assumed that's what you did? These were the days before people like CPS would
The boy down the street, his name was Matt, came over and wanted to ride bikes. My twin told him we couldn't go outside, and Grandy of course said "PISHAW, let's do it!" We rode our bikes around in front of the house, in the street, and the whole time Twin is saying, "MOM SAID NOT TO".
Just as Grandy could spit out the words, "Mom will never know", IT happened. The front tire of my bike caught the curb just so and the wheel came to a screeching stop. Grandy goes FACE FIRST over the handle bars and into the pavement.
While laying on the ground, Grandy does a quick body check. Nothing broken. She sits up, and then it hits her. OH THE HEADACHE!! She touches her face, and realizes there is blood. No tears, just panic. "See ya Matt!" as Grandy sprints into the house to assess the damage. As she's always done, Twin picks up Grandy's bike and takes it to the garage, before coming in to assess the damage herself. Yep! It's complete road rash on the right side of the face. OUCH!! Now, with Mom coming home any time, we do our best to try to "mask" the damage. Twin does her best to help fix it.
Now...here is where you ask yourself...how would two 7 year old girls "fix" the fact that the top layer of the right side of my face is now gone? With a comb-over, of course. How else?
Grandy's hair at the time was cut in this cute little boyish cut, and she had more curls than Shirley Temple. So imagine how that worked out for us.
When Mom got home, we thought we would only show her the "left" side of my face. Imagine, walking sideways to Mom, greeting her with a hug like nothing happened. Yeah, that lasted about...um...20 seconds.
Needless to say, Grandy got a good spanking that night when Dad got home. Not sure what hurt more, the spanking or the time Grandy spent over Dad's knee waiting for the spanking. While hanging over Dad's knee, with all the blood rushing to my brain and face throbbing, he decided THEN would be a perfect opportunity to discuss how what I did was wrong, and how something more serious could have happened, blah.blah.blah. Just as the stars started appearing in my eyes, the
I don't remember much more after that but needless to say, when Mom says she used to make decisions about whether or not she would allow me to do things based on whether Twin was doing it with me...she had a valid point. She says she "questioned my judgment".
Gee... I wonder why?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Golf is NOT an easy sport. You are hitting a small ball, not much bigger than a shooter's marble, with a very long "stick", to find a hole that is FAR AWAY. Really? Who invented this game? I haven't done any homework on this, but I imagine it was someone with a little too much time on his hands.
While Grandy participated in her first EVER golf tournament (yes, she managed to get a few lessons in beforehand) she learned that the sport is full of little sillies that made her giggle and think to herself "That's what she said."
So here are some of the doozies that Grandy witnessed, and giggled about.
**I lost my ball.
**Which size should I use?
**You almost got the hole!
And of course, my favorite of the day...
**I'll leave it in just long enough, until you get close...then I'll pull it out.
Really folks. Grandy couldn't recover from this one, she ended up "putting" the ball across the green and falling to the ground.
So although golf is a hard sport, it's great fun for the 12 year old mind of mine. I can see that there will be much more to learn about this sport. Time for me to invest in some YouTube time with this little guy.
Monday, November 23, 2009
We have all been faced with moments where our parents have said, "I'm not mad ... I'm just disappointed."
Some synonyms for disappointment are failure, defeat, frustration.
While learning about different personality types, Grandy has always fallen into the category of that upper right quadrant. It never fails what the test is, the quadrant is always the same: Energizer, Talker, "Yellow" (for the color of the quadrant, not my lack of courage).
Description: Stimulating, Enthusiastic, Gregarious, Impulsive, Emotional
Strengths: Communication, Motivation, Relationships, Creativity, Humor
One common thread in all these tests is that the "Energizer", "Talker", and "Yellow" quadrant hates to disappoint others. We rarely say NO. We suffer from a sincere desire to please EVERYONE.
Unfortunately, it's that fear of disappointment that forces Grandy to either take certain action, or decide not to take action in circumstances. When this post started a few weeks ago (I had to set it aside because I was in the midst of sincerely disappointing someone and it made me cry to think about it) it was all coming to a head for Grandy.
Thankfully, this week, Grandy is not working. She's relaxing, and taking time for herself. She was being faced with possibilities that she would not be able to take the whole week off, but didn't waver. When the president of her company sent her an appointment, she boldly (and diplomatically) declined and reminded him she would not be there.
Since Grandy has felt like nothing but a disappointment in many arenas lately, she's going to get back to basics and drill down. One of the areas where she's really failed lately is this blog. Not just this blog, but her lovely blogging community. As you can see, community and relationships are a big thing for Grandy. She's at a loss without you folks.
Grandy will be peaking in on all of you and catching up soon. But if you happen to stop by before she checks in, please tell me... What's new with you?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
There's something interesting about interviewing people for the position you've put so much into. The people participating in the interviews with me are interesting because I keep hearing, "But they're not Mary!"
Well yeah!! Hello!! I'm MARY!!
With the economy being what it is, and the fact that we had over 50 candidates apply for the position, one would think that we would have a plentiful supply of qualified folks. What I've learned, however, is there are a lot of wierd people out there...(and of course I'm irritated to no end that I don't get to do the initial screening process, or the wierdos wouldn't even make it through the door).
So, here are some "gems" that were shared with Grandy over the last couple months:
Me: So you've read the job description?
Candidate: Yes I have.
Me: So what was it about the description that interested you most when you applied?
Candidate: Well, you know.
Me: I do?
Candidate: Yeah, pretty much all of it.
Me: Could you be a bit more specific?
Candidate: Ummmm...yeah...I didn't read it. I just need a job.
Me: So, you mentioned you left your last job 5 years ago because there were "issues"?
Candidate: Yes I did. I was horrible to work with, got too big for my britches and ended up leaving because I thought they weren't being very nice to me.
Me: So how was the job you went to after that?
Candidate: They were worse.
Me: And what's different now?
Candidate: I learned the problem was all me, after going through a great 12 step program. I'm much better now!
Me: Your resume says you were still with **** company. But your recently filled out applications says you left in October?
Candidate: Yes.... Ok... I might as well tell you, you're going to find out anyway. I got fired.
Candidate: I was the manager, and I gave an employee permission to fudge something on a report because she was struggling to make her quota, and I got fired. I was trying to help... and IIIIII GOT FIRED.
Oh yeah...Grandy could have eliminated at least 3 of the candidates from the 15 interviews we actually had to SIT through. Really? We couldn't narrow it down more than that?
Oh that's right. I wasn't part of that screening process.
Alas...I just work here.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
This picture absolutely made me laugh.
We have all had our share of bottle goggles on, while under the influence. But to be the one that knows you are what the end result once those goggles are on...That is AWESOME!!
There must be a certain confidence in walking into a bar, knowing you only stand a chance between the hours of 12:30 am and 2:00 am. Think of all the money one would save by not having to show up earlier.
Oh yes, this gentleman would be one fine woman's knight in shining...um...armor...for sure.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Sing it with me ladies, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was HOT.LIKE.ME?"
Monday, November 2, 2009
When we posted Ty's dirt bike on Craig's List, we knew we were pretty new at trying to sell stuff online. But hey, people buy and sell stuff online all the time... We can do this.
When your first email, offering to buy the dirt bike came in without you seeing it, Grandy was first a little blinded by her joy at the thought of getting it sold. You asked for different pictures of the bike, and Grandy was thrilled to send them you you.
You came back with your offer, and Iwas even willing to overlook the fact that you offered $50 if I would pull it from Craig's List right away, and said you wanted to send a check. While trying to sound cordial, Grandy offered to let you keep that $50 in exchange for sending a Money Order.
While trying to make conversation with you in the email, and find out where you were from, I should have known the direction you were headed because you never got specific.
Another day goes by, and you send another email. Trust me, this is where you absolutely blew your scam...
There is something i think i must bring to your notice.After a reconciliation of my account,i discovered that somehow my partner must have over paid you.The payment that was meant for another transaction was sent to you and the one meant for you was sent to another,however i want to believe i wont have a problem with you. Please once you receive your payment,i will like you to deduct your money and send the remaining via western union to the manager of the shipping company that will help me with the pickup.
I'm not sure what turnip truck this putz thinks I fell off of, but the grammar alone should have given me a clue in the earlier emails.
So...he wanted me to deposit his check (which we all know would be a bad check) and return the extra money back to him. Really? WOW!!
Please folks! PLEASE tell me you haven't fallen for this. Grandy was close to falling for it, while blinded with everything going on, but finally woke up. It breaks my heart to think these people are successful even some of the time.
PLEASE DON'T FALL FOR THESE SCAMS!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Grandy is NOT feeling in the holiday spirit at all lately.
I realize the house on the left may seem a bit Hum-Bug like...but I have to give the guy props for creativity.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Grandy can't believe it's been a week and a half since getting the opportunity to post on this blog.
This sign pretty much indicates the state my life has been in for some time.
Unfortunately...I've gotten to close to this platform's edge and am on the verge of getting "sucked off".
Hang in there readers...I will come back soon.
I just didn't want you to think I was physically hurt somewhere...or that the light at the other end of that tunnel was in fact a train that has made impact already.
Hope you are all well??
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
October 3, 2008: Grandy has to undergo surgery on the 2nd, but still manages to pre-post so that she doesn't miss her 1st Blogversary on the 3rd, while she's in the hospital.
October 3, 2009: *blink blink* Really? NOTHING?!? How does Grandy blow this exactly? No telling...but we suspect Grandy has been trying with all her might to mimic those dang ostriches in the banner up there. HEAD BACK IN THE SAND!!! At any rate, perhaps Grandy will just say that she was off rockin' the night away while celebrating her 2nd Blogversary on a hot happenin' Saturday night. Yeahhh...that's the ticket.
People often keep journals for many reasons. My English teachers back in school used to make us keep one every year. Grandy always struggled with the personal commitment of keeping a journal. I'd go 2 weeks, maybe 3, and then run out of steam or focus. SHOCKING!! Grandy has a tendancy to lose focus!!
Somehow this "journal" has survived 2 years, and 365 posts.
HOLY UNDERWEAR BATMAN!!
This blog would not have lasted as long as it has, were it not for you out there. You laugh and cry with me, exactly when I needed you to. Here are some highlights from the last couple years.
First post where Grandy realized her MOM read her blog: YABUTS - Yeah...she suspected some of it was directed at her, but she got over it.
First post that got over 30 comments: A Letter to Ty - Also one of my personal favorites. This will last way longer than the birthday cards I've given him over the years. I happen to know he's gone back to read this one over and over...and yet the room remains un-clean.
Some apparent fan-favorites: I Couldn't Make This Up, Things You'd Hear at My Desk 1 & 2, and one several of us STILL giggle about at the office...Commuter's Emergency Kit.
As I reflect back on the last two years that have been shared with you all, I realize what I have gained from having this blog. I have my outlet. I've had a release. I've had perspective. I've had FUN. My writing has made me laugh, vent, and cry. This blog is all things random, and yet not all things that mean nothing. There are some rant blogs out there with rarely a theme. This blog is out there, but rarely without a purpose.
Thank you to all my readers, followers and stalkers. Thanks for keeping me honest, keeping me real, and welcoming me back to share more.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Recently Grandy came across some great notes that have been left for co-workers who eat others' lunches. These folks...seriously... need to evidently release some built up aggression.
Oh sure...blame the economy. Everyone else does!!
I have often asked myself this same question. This is just taunting people now.
Handwriting analysis might need to be done on this one... This person should be watched.
This one gets an A+++ in the creativity department. Who goes to that much effort for their Diet Coke??
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I suppose that would be a good thing that works in my favor in sales. You don't celebrate the big win for too long, before you are already focusing in on the next win. I will admit that is part of why my gears shifted so quickly, but would be lying if I said that were all.
You've seen Grandy post in the past about all that she has on her plate. You've seen me confess to the fact that her boss has referred to her as "Molotov Mary" (some truth to that). You are aware of my struggles with saying no, and thus being over-committed to every blasted thing (more truth to that). And whether or not I say this enough...Grandy is truly blessed with a lot of beautiful friends and family (all truth to that).
Let's see if Grandy can focus on some little successes in her
1. You will be pleased to know, that even after drinking copious amounts of wine (and even a drink called a scorpion), Grandy did not make an a$$ of herself at this event. As a matter of fact, she has managed to work 16-hour days, doing multiple jobs, and her head hasn't popped once (alright...maybe once...but not many people witnessed it). - Score 100 points for Molotov!!!
2. Another success? Grandy has resigned as the co-chair of the School's Site Council. This council wasn't a whole lot of extra work, but it was extra work and a commitment that maybe, towards the end of the last school year, I wasn't really able to give my all to. Weekly I keep threatening to quit the scouts...but I also threaten to get my lazy butt to the gym more...Grandy apparently lacks some commitment there. - Score 50 points for the SUCKER!
3. Friends...Grandy can't say enough about her friends and family. Grandy's friends are her family...and her family is most certainly her friends. Over the last few weeks, few months even, they have shown me sides of themselves that touch me so deeply. Were it not for these people surrounding me, Grandy would have popped months ago. When I posted my featured health success story from the med center's website here, I had also sent an email to all my friends and family thanking them for their support (crying as I wrote it of course).
Grandy learned about 2 weeks ago that despite all the
::yep...Grandy is crying again::
We are winding down 2009 (and what a hellacious year it has been) and it's looking good that her New Year's resolution of "NO ANESTHESIA OR -OSCOPY" could come to fruition. Grandy had kissed good-bye to SUCK-IT08 and rang in BRING-IT09 with focus. Looking back, maybe I brought this year upon me by sticking my chin out and saying...I CAN TAKE IT. ACK!!
Hmmm...This will make Grandy pause and seriously contemplate what phrase she coins for 2010. PAY-ME10? BLOW-ME10? We'll have to give this more thought...
For now, as Grandy struggles with what she feels like is an elephant balancing on dental floss, she is going to try to focus on these smaller successes. By themselves, they may not seem like much, but when you put them all together...it's these things together that get Grandy through the next day.
Why not share with Grandy what some of your successes have been lately? As you can see, no success is too small, but it's often those small ones that get overlooked or forgotten. Did you lose a pound? Finish a project? Land a job? Make a new connection? Let's combine all the successes in Grandy-land, and use it as a launching pad into a good week ahead.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Can you tell?
Wanna know why?
At the end of last year, Grandy decided she needed to focus on her professional growth. She's been doing the same job for 6 years, and in the same industry for 14 years. (Yeah, I did start when I was 7...yeah-huh!)
Grandy went to her bosses and said..."I want to do this!" Bosses looked at her like she was a
Well hell...give Grandy a challenge and she'll take it head on. Unfortunately it's that fine line between challenges and DARES that sometimes gets Grandy into a world of
As of today, Grandy has successfully scaled hoops 26-38! Why not all 52? I still have a lot to learn, and so much more a$$ to kick along the way. I would never say I'm quite there. As soon as I get to 45...there will be more lined up...53...54...96...97...you get the point.
Grandy has to give her big bosses credit though. Times have not been easy on the company (as with any other company) but with every hoop scaled, they have stood by their commitment. Grandy gives them
Thank you, bosses. Your
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
- How many people actually stayed in the plane, to see if it would take off with the duct tape.
- If the guy who put the tape on the wing is still employed at the airline.
- If the airline served free drinks to all passengers who agreed to stay.
- Would you fly this plane??
Maybe it's not a big commercial plane. Maybe it's just a crop duster.
All I can say is, there's not enough liquor in the world to make me stay on this plane. Ever!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
There was one girl who was not really ever very nice to Grandy as a kid. Why does she want to friend me now? That's odd. Not thinking much of it, I went ahead and accepted her. I just don't pay any attention to her when she shows up on my home page.
A few weeks ago, however, there was another "friend" who was updating her status with a huge diatribe about how one of her "friends" was slamming her all over facebook. I knew who this person was, never liked her, but kept my mouth shut. In fact, this person kept showing up on my "friend suggestion" list, and I purposely would avoid her. My sister, on the other hand, commented on one of the diatribes, and ultimately got sucked into the high school drama. Talk about your total he said/she said (trust me on the weirdness of this one).
So yesterday it happened... Grandy goes into her Facebook and finds a friend request. ::jaws music playing:: it's HER. It's the one that started it all. Facebook says we have 47 friends in common... GOOD LORD! Grandy wants nothing to do with this person, and actually is steering clear of the other one too, but doesn't know what to do.
If Grandy ignores the friend request, she will most certainly know. If not...she's stuck.
Any tricks out there for kindly ignoring folks? Many of my blogging buds are masters at all things Facebook and Twitter (haven't gone there) and Grandy looks to you for advice.
What's your vote? IGNORE?? Will you protect me if I do and she's mad? I'm pretty sure this one, and there aren't many, could kick my butt. I'm just sayin'.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
What Grandy wants to know is whether or not bad luck was the complete absence of luck?
Yesterday I alluded to my skills in the lame-ness category, and I'm sorry I didn't exactly specify. Yes, Grandy went down a friend's deck like a slinky. Nothing broken. Very bruised.
This is only one example of how Grandy is not an accident waiting to happen, but rather an accident looking for a PLACE to happen. I get frustrated sometimes at the depth of my crazy clumsiness. Some of my injuries have been out of my control (car accidents, flying objects, etc.) whereas other injuries are thrust upon me, and perhaps I should have avoided it.
Yesterday, when I walked out of my friend's house I noticed that her husband had pressure washed the deck. So...knowing my inclination for such gravitational pulls...I walked over to the top step and reached out for the railing, so I could be careful walking down. So much for that.
Grandy steps down the first step...her feet fly...then thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. THUMP.
Grandy knocked her ankle, her arms, her knee, and felt an immediate 3rd butt-cheek growing out of her hip. All I could think of was, "get to the car and cry there". Grandy drove home, embarrassed and crying (because now the adrenaline is wearing off and the swelling is commencing).
If my mom reads this, I'm fine. If my sisters read this, I'm okay. If my girlfriends read this, I'm hosed, and could take a collection for a massage certificate. Except...That 3rd butt cheek. It's not going to let ANYONE touch it any time soon.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
1. crippled or physically disabled, esp. in the foot or leg so as to limp or walk with difficulty.
2. impaired or disabled through defect or injury: a lame arm.
3. weak; inadequate; unsatisfactory; clumsy: a lame excuse.
4. Slang. out of touch with modern fads or trends; unsophisticated.
–verb (used with object)
5. to make lame or defective.
6. Slang. a person who is out of touch with modern fads or trends, esp. one who is unsophisticated.
Let's recap where Grandy fits into the definition and how it applies to her...
2. Got that covered
5. Already there
6. That too
Wow... Although I'm able to scale the depths of an entire front deck like a dang slinky, and walk away (slowly), it never ceases to amaze me how many times I CAN bounce down those stairs.
Grandy is fine. Bruised. Sore. LAME ON ALL LEVELS!!!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
- At the slurpee machines: When you think you've stopped in time to make it stop spewing out, only to have Mount St. Helens all over your hands.
- At gas stations (where the air pump things are): Just when you think that even the smallest car in the world parks within an inch of its life to the air pumps, and yet the hose is still.not.long.enough.
- Drive-Up ATMs: Don't get me started on the braille thing (that's a different post all together). Wait...Do you think the sign would come in braille?
- Touchless Paper Towel Dispensers: Really... Grandy tends to be the one that punches those things because her "wave" just won't register.
What piece of machinery do you think could use one of these signs? I'm sure there are many more out there. Grandy's just drawing a blank at the moment.
Maybe we should post the sign on my laptop.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
30 Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwhiches made, all the scouts and leaders are fed - Check
Laundry has been transferred - Check
Took care of man who cut his leg with the chain saw - Check (seriously...I had 30 scouts and leaders in my dang back yard and I'M the one taking care of the chain saw injury because the Dad didn't want anyone "to know".)
Did Grandy get her house cleaned? - NO Check
Grandy was now racing to a 1:00 baby shower, an hour away, and then a 5:00 bridal shower also an hour away. (For the record, they were two different people and yes, they were about 15 minutes from each other at least.)
BUT Grandy's house is NOT clean. It's anything but! UGH!! A nap is on the schedule on or about January 13, 2010...when will Grandy get a chance to CLEAN?
The thought crossed my mind that perhaps I'm just not built to be domestically inclined. There are those people...maybe I'm just one of them. Grandy tries to keep it all together, but can only keep up the appearance for so long. If any of those scouts had to actually come into the house, I'm pretty certain it would give Ty a nickname that would carry him through high school.
That night I was instructed to meet the boys at a friend's house who is having a "get together", I dutifully arrived at around 9:00. My girlfriends were obviously well ahead of me in their quest to escape all reality and get their drink on, and I decided I wasn't going to try to catch up (shocking I know). Hey...Grandy can still get her party on, and have a good time, without alcohol.
The conversation took an interesting turn when one girlfriend started talking about how hard she works to be perfect for her husband and family. WTF? Perfect?!
I asked her to define what her take on perfection was, and she was able to tell me quicker than blinking. One of the keys to her perfection was a clean house. Not just a "clean" house, but an uber-no-dirt-to-be-found-cans lined in a row-everything in its place-clean.
THEN I asked her to define what her husband thought perfection was... blink... blink. A clean house.
She asked me how I do it all, and I laughed and rolled my eyes. I don't do it ALL. I do a lot, and fake the rest. She says, "NO!! You are amazing with all the stuff you do, and do well." Now, this woman has seen the inside of my house, maybe it was a while ago, but she's been inside. It is nowhere near perfection. Doesn't she know that?
This woman carried on (and I do love this woman) with talking about all the committees I'm on, and run, all the events I do, the hours of work I put in, and how hard the work is. Bless her heart, she actually said that she wants to BE LIKE GRANDY. *Put the crack pipe down and no one gets hurt* Seriously?
On a day where Grandy is questioning whether she is doing enough, and wonders how she can even do what she's doing, and someone is praising her? Someone with an immaculately clean house? Huh??
One thing my friend struggles with is how to relate to her husband. I told her she needed to sit down and ask him what he thought perfection was. If she's working so hard to be perfect, based on what she thinks is perfect and doesn't know anymore what he wants, then what's the point? All her efforts are being lost for the wrong reasons. With that, when I dropped her off, she hugged me and skipped off to her house.
"You are a wise and good soul Grandy." she called out. (she truly does call me Grandy)
It just goes to show you...just when you feel like you are at your weakest, and not fooling anyone. Someone comes along to remind you that you're doing something right... even if you can't see my dining room table.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
How does it happen?
A rare photo of the Cracken Monster, trying to disguise itself with Duct Tape.
NOW I may have seen everything... almost.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Grandy's schedule is starting take it's toll.
It's that time of year, like clock-work, where Grandy seems to need a break. Regrettably, it is also this time of year where Grandy has been forced to take medically induced sabatticals 4 times in her lifetime.
Perhaps Grandy has some sort of adverse allergic reaction to the months of August and September?
At any rate, Grandy has not popped...yet.
HOWEVER... tomorrow Grandy is taking a day long "business trip", on a boat, with the President of the company, and the Vice President, and the other one, and every other dang executive in the company. Grandy will be the only girl on the boat.
There will be food. There will be wine. There will be Grandy.
Better take my Benedryl now to avoid the rash of Grandy-isms that could break out.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The last few weeks...let's face it, MONTHS...Grandy has been wrought with "issues". Furlough issues, pay cut talks, family unemployment, family cancer issues, long days, short nights, and all sorts of other crap have been ruining my days and limiting my enjoyment of life.
Tomorrow and Monday are Grandy's first two furlough days, and she is down in Salinas for her...are you ready for this...20 year high school reunion. Technically it's only 19 years, but since Grandy's high school is celebrating their 50th year anniversary, they have combined 3 years together.
I have vowed to NOT WORK FOR 4 DAYS. Really. Grandy works on vacation and sick days, because that's the way that she operates, and she's already getting paid for them, but seriously...they are not getting my blood when they don't want to pay me. So that alone will be a nice break.
I'm really looking forward to connecting with old friends from the grades that graduated around me. Sunday is the anniversary of Dad's passing, and I get to go see him on that day. Tonight I'm hanging with a life-long girlfriend (remember Dens who never blogs enough?). It doesn't get much better.
This weekend Grandy will drink, laugh, drink, cry, drink and love.
I am SO looking forward to it!!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The fact that they somehow got a picture of this cat holding a Rubik's cube makes me giggle.
For all the animal lovers out there, Grandy is here to assure you that this cat will have that thing figured out long before Grandy does.
These things are hard...for Grandy anyway.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Wouldn't you love a company like this to come and service your Air Conditioning??
I know several men that would hire them just for the great corporate name.
I love the person that stuck their camera outside the window and took this picture, because that is EXACTLY what Grandy would do.
Hahaha!! Right on!!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
I don't know a single marriage that hasn't faced obstacles from all angles.
Whether or not one is strong enough to weather the storm, can go either way.
I suppose it might have helped them a little... if they had maybe OPENED one of the videos though.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Over the last several weeks I have witnessed her care from her mother, who until yesterday was in her final stages of cancer. My friend would be with her mother at night, and try to work from her mother's home during the day.
When "Mom's" condition worsened a few weeks ago, my immediate reaction was pretty much like this: "Okay...here's what you can expect. You are one of six grown children. Your family will all react differently. They will act crazy...and so will you." Let's face it folks, everyone copes with things differently, and just because you're related it doesn't mean they will react as you would.
At first, I worried that my initial advice was too harsh. Maybe her family wouldn't get crazy... but I did feel pretty confident that with 6 grown children, all married, there were way too many family dynamics coming into play. It's a good thing we joked about it, because as we entered into our third week of her adventure, the pressure was starting to mount and reactions were more extreme.
Last week I got a text message from her that read, Remind me again why I can't kill my family? To which I replied with a simple...Because the "Twinkie defense" only works if you actually EAT twinkies, which you don't. She sent me a couple messages after that... LOL...and significantly later...STILL LOL!
My blessing at work regrettably joined the "LOP" (Loss of Parent) club yesterday. Her lovely mother was only 71. How beautiful that she got to be with her, in her final moments. It's even more wonderful that she feels honored by it. Deep down...I know she will be okay, but right now it doesn't help the hurt.
It doesn't matter how old your parent is. The LOP club SUCKS!!!
The only comfort I could give her when she showed up at the office today (oh yes she did folks...don't worry...I kicked her out as soon as she would let me) was that I was here in this club to be there for her. I can't promise to take her pain away, but I can take her under my wing in the club, as some wonderful people did for me.
If you are a member of the LOP club...bless you. If you are not...bless you too. If this circle of life crap happens as I'm told it's supposed to, you will be. It sucks...but you're not alone. Come into the club only when you're ready...and one of the existing members (like me) will be there to embrace you.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
One definition appears to be - VOLUNTARY: Before we make it Mandatory.
Grandy definitely feels like this dog, swimming, while the world around her says, "stand up idiot!"
Thursday, July 23, 2009
This is what was happening when she called me. Because Grandy was not in the area, she had no idea of the magnitude. This thing burned through about 600 acres in a very short time, but the fire crews (as they always are) were AWESOME!!
Grandy was able to come home, but it was late and the area seemed eerily like driving straight into the depths of purgatory. The sky was completely red, the flames were huge, there were little fires along the side of the road, where the firefighters had tried to light fires to keep it back. I've got to admit, I was a little nervous driving on the road at 10:30 at night, with flames nearby, with her convertible.
NEVER a dull moment in Grandy-land. NEVER!!!!
Grandy obviously made it home, completely in awe of how quickly things can happen. It got her thinking... If Grandy was in one of those mass distruction videos where the volcano erupts, a meteor is crashing into the earth, or we were invaded by aliens...would Grandy be one that survives?
Now, if she were on the Titanic, she wouldn't have survived. She would have been down below with the real people, partying it up and dancing on the tables. She'd be giving the bird to the folks that locked us down there.
But as far as surviving these sort of things... probably... but not without several injuries along the way. THAT is the story of my life.
*SURVIVAL WITH INJURIES*
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Grandy thought that Tuesday was a better day than yesterday's Grumpy Grumperton from Grumpville day. REALLY.
However...this serenity prayer pretty much sums up the frustration and hostility she can't quite keep a handle on.
Can you read it? It is not intended to mock the actual serenity prayer (Grandy actually relies on that on a regular basis) but it does work for Grandy right now.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
Where do I sign for this mantra??
Monday, July 20, 2009
FOLLOW YOUR GUT GRANDY!!
Well in classic Grandy style, rather than sit here and mope about her day, she has decided to come online and
Clue 1: When carpool friend asks you, as you're walking to her car, "What's the matter with you today Grumpy Grumperton from Grumpville?" - Was it THAT obvious?
Clue 2: Ladies...when you use the toilet seat protector in the restroom, Grandy is pretty certain that if you didn't want to plant your ass on the seat, we don't want to plant OURS on your seat protector. Here's a hint...flush it WITH your stuff. - Normally things like that don't bug Grandy.
Clue 3: Nasty Man calls weekly to yell at Grandy. TODAY...Grandy hung up on Nasty Man. - Oh yes she did!
Clue 4: One of the owners sends a special invitation to 9 people in the company for a special event on his boat. Grandy realizes she is the ONLY female in the group, and her first thought is not one of appreciation, but an image of Grandy entering into the lion's den.
Clue 5: Grandy is having a discussion with an attorney representing a
Clue 6: Grandy had 6.3 people ask her if she was alright today. - Seriously? I tried to keep to myself and mind my own. Is that where I went wrong?
Yep! Grandy was in a bit of foul mood indeed.
Oh well. At least she can laugh about it...tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
This call was different.
"Grandy, we have someone wanting to do a feature for the Sutter Health Website, and we'd like to relay your information on. Would you be interested?"
Huh? Sure...I suppose.
A month goes by. The call comes from the hospital asking me to sign some documents. Perhaps they want to determine their varying levels of "success", and need to see if Grandy qualifies.
Another month goes by and the call comes from the writer doing the feature.
As she's asking me questions, I'm still a bit amazed that people want to talk to ME about being a "success" where it comes to my health. ME?!? SERIOUSLY?
Folks...the article is up. When I sent the link out to my family and friends it made me cry like a baby. The thought of the words "success" and "health" being used in the same breath, and have them talk about ME meant more than you will ever know. I have only touched the surface on my health issues here on this blog, but it is safe to know I have been through a journey.
Please go read my article here: http://checksutterfirst.org/bariatrics/patientstories/mary.html
Come back and comment, and enjoy the article. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I need to use it as my reminder to be strong, even when I feel like I cannot.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
It took a lot of work to coordinate the trip for 17 boys and 5 leaders but the Grandy boys, and the most of the troop, pulled away this morning without a hitch. I'm certain that the boys will have fun, both young and old. The Dads going are a great group. The boys will come home with some great stories, new merit badges, and a very distinctive odor emitting from them that will take another week to get it out.
So what does this mean?
GRANDY HAS THE HOUSE TO HERSELF FOR A WEEK!!!!
Here is my very own honey-do list for the week. I've never done my own, surrounded mostly on what I WANT...so it's kind of fun.
*Take a nap - will do that when I'm done here.
*Read a book - yep! Started one yesterday, and my goal is to finish it this week.
*Dishes - Not a biggie...I do that anyway. NOW I can do it with my Broadway Channel blaring in the background.
*Work - Didn't take any days off but I've got meetings, and one of them involves a boat trip in San Francisco one day.
*Post Daily Here - It's been a while, and I'm having difficulty with the scheduling feature, but I can do this for a week!!
*See Altar Boyz Thursday - It's a musical I'm not familiar with, but the reviews are pretty good. Going with a friend, and any night where I can get Sushi and a Musical is a great night.
*Go to Lake Tahoe Friday - Going with another friend to catch Shakespeare at Tahoe. Oh yes, a good girlfriend (she's been trying to get me to go every summer for 6 years), Lake Tahoe, good wine, and my boy Bill. It rarely gets much better.
Not a bad week, huh?
It's sad that I try to squeeze in my first loves (theatre, music, reading, writing) while my other loves are away. It just kinda works out this way. My time is not my own when the boys are around. I need to work on that balance.
This might be JUST what Grandy needs.
See you all on the other side of a week of Rest and Relaxation!!!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
At any given time we have one, several, or all of these boys with us.
They're a group of knuckleheads, but I gotta love them.
I was so proud of them this morning at the 4th of July parade.
I hope you all have a glorious holiday weekend!!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
I very much appreciate the level of efforts you go to to make sure that Grandy's account is safe from identity theft. I can even appreciate that although it was somehow YOUR FAULT that somehow our information may have gotten into the wrong hands, you thought it was most prudent for them to issue new cards. That was very thoughtful.
What I don't exactly understand, however, is that although you sent me a new card last week, and a letter explaining what had happened, that you decided that all of a sudden SATURDAY would be a good day for you to flag the flipping card.
You see, your bank is not open past 1:00 on Saturday. So when Grandy has a ga-zillion things going on at one time, she maybe doesn't make it to the bank to activate her card so she can set her pin. After all, nobody remembers the damn codes you send in the mail, so I need to get to branch to activate a pin. Because Grandy likes to promote local commerce, she uses your small bank for the sense of "community" she gets when she walks in to your remote location, she can't necessarily make it to your branch before you close at 5:00 30 miles away from her dang office.
Please allow me to explain the inconvenience experienced with your decision.
Grandy is at her new favorite store, BevMo. Did you know they are having their 5cent wine sale? Oh yeah, Grandy walks up to the counter with 6 bottles of wine (I swear they were not all for me alone) with her debit card in hand. She swipes the card, and has the following dialogue with the cute young man at the register:
- Him: Ma'am (because Grandy LOVES being called Ma'am) do you happen to have another card? This one is not working.
- Me: What? Why? There's money in there!
- Him: I'm not sure.
- Me: There must be some sort of mistake. ::swipes the card again and notices long line forming behind her with only this ONE register open::
- Him: Ma'am (there's that word again) would you please look at my screen.
- ::Ty and Grandy look up at the same time to witness the following:: PICK UP...SUSPECTED FRAUD.
- Him: Ma'am (now he's starting to piss me off)...I don't want to have to take your card.
- Me: Okay, there is obviously some mistake. Please set this box aside and I'll go outside, call the bank, and see if I can straighten this out.
Grandy walks outside thoroughly pissed off and calls the bank. YEP!! The money is there! She proceeds to a nearby credit union to get some cash, ass-u-me (ing) that there is some sort of issue with BevMo's machine.
Guess what Bank Management...THAT DANG ATM KEPT MY F*&K*!!G CARD!!!
When Grandy called your bank to calmly discuss her predicament today, and could hear several customer service reps in the background discussing the same thing, she was a little more than irritated when Lucy (the bank twit) acted like it was not a big deal at all.
All cards were deactivated.
You are lucky, you bank butt-heads. You are lucky that I drove 20 miles home, activated the card, and could use it as a credit card so I could put gas in her car to get to the Special Olympics the next day. We would have missed out on some amazing experiences, and Grandy would have had to come down you and show you WHY she doesn't like to be called Ma'am.