Friday, July 31, 2009

Joining the Club

I am fortunate to work with a lovely woman (actually many lovely women), and even more fortunate to call this woman my friend.

Over the last several weeks I have witnessed her care from her mother, who until yesterday was in her final stages of cancer. My friend would be with her mother at night, and try to work from her mother's home during the day.

When "Mom's" condition worsened a few weeks ago, my immediate reaction was pretty much like this: "Okay...here's what you can expect. You are one of six grown children. Your family will all react differently. They will act crazy...and so will you." Let's face it folks, everyone copes with things differently, and just because you're related it doesn't mean they will react as you would.

At first, I worried that my initial advice was too harsh. Maybe her family wouldn't get crazy... but I did feel pretty confident that with 6 grown children, all married, there were way too many family dynamics coming into play. It's a good thing we joked about it, because as we entered into our third week of her adventure, the pressure was starting to mount and reactions were more extreme.

Last week I got a text message from her that read, Remind me again why I can't kill my family? To which I replied with a simple...Because the "Twinkie defense" only works if you actually EAT twinkies, which you don't. She sent me a couple messages after that... LOL...and significantly later...STILL LOL!

My blessing at work regrettably joined the "LOP" (Loss of Parent) club yesterday. Her lovely mother was only 71. How beautiful that she got to be with her, in her final moments. It's even more wonderful that she feels honored by it. Deep down...I know she will be okay, but right now it doesn't help the hurt.

It doesn't matter how old your parent is. The LOP club SUCKS!!!

The only comfort I could give her when she showed up at the office today (oh yes she did folks...don't worry...I kicked her out as soon as she would let me) was that I was here in this club to be there for her. I can't promise to take her pain away, but I can take her under my wing in the club, as some wonderful people did for me.

If you are a member of the LOP club...bless you. If you are not...bless you too. If this circle of life crap happens as I'm told it's supposed to, you will be. It sucks...but you're not alone. Come into the club only when you're ready...and one of the existing members (like me) will be there to embrace you.

8 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

This is so strange. I just wrote something about losing my mother and yours is the first blog I opened.

She's lucky to have you.

Mike Golch said...

I despise being in the LOP CLUB AS WELL.Please pass on My condolences to your friend and co-worker.

Suzanne said...

How true this post is. I am a two time LOP member, and it doesn't get easier. We all wish we had more time with our loved ones.

Regretably, the fallout from the poor behavior when my mom was dying has meant there are several siblings I no longer interact with.

Please give your friend a hug from me and share my condolences.

Rita said...

Thank you for this post. I was drawn here by the name of your blog, which I thought was hilarious and found your words of wisdom. I still have my parents, but have lost both my in-laws, and my granny a couple of years ago. She was 99, nearly a hundred!

Greetings from Finland! - Rita -

Joyce-Anne said...

I am a member of the club too. And, it sucks! Please give my condolences to your friend and a hug (from me).

Grandy said...

Jenn~ The timing is odd. Thank you for sharing, and your kind words.

Mike~ Thank you.

Suzanne~ I'm sorry...

Rita~ Thanks for stopping by, and your kind words.

Joyce-Anne~ Thanks lady!! ;)

Hasta Pasta said...

I am a LOP club member and have been for a long time. You gave great advice to your friend.

All we can do is offer a shoulder, understand then try to laugh.

Love ya
Hast Pasta

Anonymous said...

Being a member of the LOP club does sooooooooo suck. Being a member of a large family (7 kids) can suck as well. Lots of craziness, name calling and playing the blame game. But it too shall pass when everyone starts to realize that when our beloved parents are gone, we only have each other.My condolences to your friend and kudos to you for being there when she needs you.
Cindy S.