Attack of the YABUTS

Dear Mary,

I write you this letter in the third person so that I might be able to get your advice on something. You see, I find myself in this predicament that I think only you can help me with.

You see, I have this "friend" (her name also coincidentally is Mary). Mary is typically a fun-loving person, gets along with most people, and tends to make people laugh. I have only witnessed Mary lose her temper on a rare occasion when her tourette's syndrome is triggered and she begins swearing like a sailor (unable to use trucker as Mary's husband is a trucker and she swears worse than him on occasion). That being said, even when Mary is in one of those moods, it usually passes pretty quickly and she ends up making fun of it and still making people laugh.

Recently though, I've been concerned about me, I mean my "friend". She has now developed a "stink eye" tick. You know the look...I think I've seen it in The Pink Panther movies, the one where something bothers the inspector and he closes one eye half way. I don't remember this problem being there before, and it's really only triggered on certain occasions. What triggers it?? I fear even discussing it will instigate the problem, but for the good of my "friend", I will tell you.

My "friend" is Diabetic, like yourself. She has to regulate it with multiple shots of significant amounts of insulin every day. Mary wishes she could be a candidate for the pump, but alas, her body requires the injection of too much insulin per day which disqualifies her as a candidate. She does try to take care of herself, but recently her diabetes has not been behaving well and too much stress has taken its toll on Mary. It is not this condition, although quite frustrating, that is triggering Mary's current "stink eye", however.

I have noticed, the "stink eye" is triggered by hearing anything from the YABUT people. Mary says anyone can be a YABUT person without even knowing it. It's really quite terrifying when she realizes a loved one has succumbed to the YABUT and become one of them. The YABUT's are very crafty in their disguises, but just when you least expect it, they begin to tell you how come Mary's diabetes is out of control, and what she needs to do to take care of it. They say things like:
- Yeah but you know that all you need to do is:
a) Stop eating sugar
b) Exercise 2 + hours a day
c) Eat more salads
d) Not eat after 7pm
.....and the list goes on.

It's amazing to learn how many of these YABUT people there are. I didn't believe it myself until Mary pointed them out to me. They aren't doctors, they aren't dietitians, and to the best of my knowledge, none of them are diabetics!!!

There are two kinds of YABUTS, the LFF YABUTS and the PITA YABUTS. The LFF are "Loving Family & Friend" YABUTS. They are very close to Mary, and Mary understands that they are only concerned for her well being because they love her and want her to be ok. The PITA are basically the "Pain In The A$$" YABUTS. Those are people who happen to overhear a discussion, know nothing about Mary as a person, and inject their YABUT poison.

What apparently has happened is Mary's filter to determine the difference between the LFF and the PITA has been clogged. She now gets this "stink eye" with all YABUTS. She doesn't want to, but she does. The "stink eye" is starting to offend the LFF YABUTS and she fears they are going to take it personally. She doesn't know how to explain that this is a physical reaction she has no control over. Unfortunately, the same "stink eye" is not fazing the PITA YABUTS one bit, which is part of what makes them PITA's.

Can you help? Do you have any ideas?? How does Mary make the LFF's understand that she appreciates their concern and loves them for it? I (SHE) wants the LFF's to see past the "stink eye" and know that Mary is getting their LFF YABUT message, and is trying. We don't need any commentary on how to handle the PITA's, because they are so self absorbed they don't even know they are PITA's.

Please feel free to share any thoughts you might have!! I implore you!!

Your Cybill "Friend",
Mary