Managing Expectations

For the most part, Grandy is very good at managing other peoples' expectations.  I try very hard not to disappoint folks, and work diligently at doing what I say I'm going to do.  At the same time, if someone is being unrealistic about their expectations, Grandy will be the first one to tell them too.

Here's an example:

Client says, "Grandy, do you think there's a chance the money will come this week?"

• Knowing they had been working on getting their carrier to pay these funds for several months before they became our client, and now I have only been on this project for two weeks, I respond with...

Um...Let's put it this way...I'm not going to pee on your head and tell you it's raining. 

Granted, Grandy could have just used a simple "NO", or even gone as far as saying "HECK NO", but he wasn't hearing NO, or even the HECK NO part of the conversation.  The only thing that sank in was the pee comment.  Sad...but true.

When someone is in the midst of a "crisis", the worst thing to do is give them unrealistic expectations.  You can't promise that things will get done "by the end of the week", when you know darn well it's taken months to get to this point.  What can I promise?  An update by the end of the week.  And guess what...that update will be there.  It may not have the information you hoped for, but that was never promised.  Just an update.

It's kind of like trying to pretend you know something when you really don't.  People see through you, and there's nothing wrong with saying, "I don't know.  Let me check and get back to you."  They will respect you more in that case anyway, but some people just don't seem to get that and "fake it til they make it".  It's so frustrating!!

There are days that I want to stick my head right out the window and say, "Everybody just calm down and DO YOUR JOB". 

That said, Grandy is having a particular difficult time managing certain expectations this week.  Can you tell?  Whether it's the full moon, the long hours of endless phone calls, or the sheer timing, it's been difficult to be "Grandy" to all people. 

This week, Grandy is going back to basics.  Brutal honesty.  Setting boundaries.  Directing traffic. 

Big week ahead folks.  Lot's of expectations and people counting on me for many things.

Wish me luck!!!

Yes...this is what it feels like

Grandy has been absent for a couple months.

It has been a difficult time in the Grandy home, as fubby has lost his mother. The process of grieving and dealing with her effects has been a bit overwhelming to deal with. There have been many times where I have started to write a blog post or a poem, or post a picture, and then I stop. I didn't realize the impact it all would have on me, nor did I want to acknowledge it out loud.

Grandy stayed strong for Fubby & Little Man Grandy, who I am proud to say have been doing amazing with how they are coping with the loss.

In the last two months, Grandy has also been in charge of various events. Coordinating events, "task forces", putting out fires on my desk at work, and essentially giving new meaning to the phrase "directing traffic", has left me feeling a bit like...

...well...

THIS!!

Grandy-isms...Work Edition Again

There were about 15 people who reached out to me this week saying, "WTF Grandy!! What's up with the blog?" (alright, perhaps that's a bit of a paraphrase)

So...in honor of all my friends who have been waiting for me to entertain, Grandy presents another rousing chapter of "Grandy-isms". The last couple of weeks have provided for some EPIC material. Remember folks, I can't use names, and must keep it vague as to WHO I may be having these conversations or email exchanges with, in order to keep my job protect the sometimes innocent.

Him: So, what happened with that? Did it slip through the cracks?
Me: Not my crack...yours.

Email exchange:
Adjuster: (received first thing in the morning) Dear Mary, as I promised you last week I will be calling you today to discuss.
Me: (sent at the end of the day) Dear "Adjuster", technically the promise was that you would call me yesterday, given that our deadline is tomorrow. How bout you just tell me in your email, what it is you don't seem to want to tell me on the phone?

Shared on FB...but good enough to repeat:
Him: How did you get so smart?
Me: I surround myself with truly gifted people who help me, or really stupid people who make me look good.
Him: Which one am I?
Me: That depends on the day.

Different "Him": ::smiling:: You were snippy with me in that email.
Me: Which one?
Him: Which email were you trying to be snippy in?
Me: No, they were all meant to be snippy. Which one finally worked?

Her: Why does your office IM status always show as "busy"?
Me: Because there was no status available for "Drowning within an inch of my life".

Different "Her": If I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer?
Me: Will you be able to tell if it wasn't honest?
Her: I suppose not.
Me: Well there you have it. Let's play!!

There you have it folks. Another brief chapter of Grandy-isms. I really do have a lot of fun at my job. I am easily amused, and it helps get me through the day. :)

Stay tuned next week for "Grandy-isms...Back Stage Edition"

Singing & Dancing Grandy

It has been almost 15 years since Grandy has performed on stage.

It has been even longer than THAT since she has had to kick, two-three-four, turn, kick, turn.

This Friday, June 17th, Grandy makes somewhat of a comeback in The Producers.

When my friend asked me about 6 weeks ago (days before my 39th birthday) if I would consider, I of course hesitated. The work/life balance hasn't exactly been the best feng shui mode lately. 60 hour work weeks. Board Meetings. Boy Scouts. Boosters. There was just not enough hours in the day.

But my girlfriends talked me into it because there are never enough hours in the day. They were right, and it's been a blast. My daily schedule continues, but somehow I'm mustering up the strength to get my butt there. And although my body is asking me, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING TO ME?" it is lots of fun.

Really. My body hurts like no other. There has been a lot that's happened to me physically since I last did this. If I were in the finance world (which I'm not) I would suggest the following stock tip: Buy stock in Ben-Gay and 5-hr Energy. WOOF!!!

I think my boys notice I'm having fun with it too. Although I come home tired and hurting, I'm smiling.

So...Friday is opening night. There are 6 performances. And Grandy's anxiety level is reaching new heights. It has dawned on me...my past life and my present life are colliding. NOBODY in my current day-to-day life (minus my mom and sisters) have ever seen me perform on stage. They didn't even realize that's what I used to do for a LIVING.

There are A LOT of people dying for the opportunity to catch this. "What? You're going to be funny ON STAGE? REALLY?!?" To which I respond..."Let's hope so."

Kind of exciting...kind of anxious...kind of hope I don't fall off the stage. While Grandy can't promise she will take this on as a regular hobby (remember all the stuff going on), it's good to be "back".

"Let's Do This!!!"

Too Much Talky

Grandy wants to take a moment to say THANK YOU to everybody for their comments on last week's post here. PLEASE NOTE: The above picture is NOT directed at any of you. This picture is solely directed at yours truly.

Really.

I have re-read my post from last week and WOW is it LOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG WINDED. It would appear Grandy's lessons on "less is more" need a little fine-tuning.

The other day I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at a guy notorious for leaving long voicemail messages. He must have spoken for about 3 minutes when the machine cut him off, and I'm not even sure he ever got to his point.

Now...the polite thing for Grandy to do when he asked me "are you laughing at me?" would be to say, "No, not at all. I got a funny instant message." But alas...you readers know I don't roll downhill. What came out was "Heck yeah!! I HATE IT when you leave me messages like that and wish MINE had a time limit."

We laughed about it because he knows how he rambles. But next time (if I think about it) I am going to DEFINITELY just hand him this picture while he's leaving the message. It is TOO classic!!

Good thing he has a sense of humor. YAY FOR GOOD SPORTS!!!

Benefits of B12

There many benefits to getting your daily B12 vitamin.

Grandy is pretty deficient in B12, so she supplements with an injection. The rule of thumb (or the prescription) says that Grandy should take a GINORMOUS needle amount every two weeks, via a garden hose for dispensing.

Grandy loves it when she can get the shots injected on a regular basis (aka as prescribed) but because of the size of the needle, she will not let FUBBY give her the shot. It scared her when over a year ago the pharmacist cringed when I mentioned the possibility of letting Fubby give me my injections.

Her: How were you going to administer the shot?
Me: I take daily shots of insulin, I should be able to do this.
Her: Oooohhh...no. Not with THIS needle. This needle is your every day variety "garden hose".
Me: Huh?
Her: My husband tried to give me a shot with this sized needle before, and he thought for sure he was playing darts.
Me: Nevermind.

So, needless to say, Grandy finds others (in the nursing field) to administer the shot. Scheduling said shot administration was a horse of a different color. When I did see my girlfriends or my sister, I never had it with me. It got to a point where the shots were coming every 2 months, as opposed to every 2 weeks. My energy level was really suffering.

Grandy is trying to get better at this, and trusting more people to give me the shot (still no Fubby) while making it a point to get the shot. I think there's a noticeable difference in my energy level, considering I'm not taking the dose I need to get me OUT of the negative category.

One bad thing about the B12, and having friends administer it for you?

My friend came over at about 8:00 to give me my shot. It's now 2:00 AM, and Grandy is already writing a post for the day, because I CAN'T SLEEP!!

YAY ENERGY!!

Who Has Time for THIS?

We all get VERY busy at work. Grandy would like to confess that lately she has been blowing chunks big time slipping back into her old ways in the work-life balance arena. It always amuses me to see how people find little ways to cope with work stress.

So, when this email was sent to me at work, I glanced at it and saw the pictures attached, and OH-MY-GOOD-GRACIOUS!! They struck a funny bone. This guy gets an award for creativity, while at the same time gets a "weirdness" award for having all those dead flies around.

A day at the beach...

A day at the races...

A day at the pool...

And of course...A night at the bar...

Who has THIS MUCH time on their hands??

Not I, said the fly!!!

A Moment of Reflection

Usually Grandy is so sarcastic every where she goes on this Blog. A lot of it is truly a defense mechanism, or perhaps a coping skill (that I continue to work on). There's been a lot going on in Grandy-Land lately, and Grandy has decided to take a moment and try to LET GO to some of it.

If you are unable to read this poem, it goes as follows...

The Knots Prayer

Dear God:

Please untie the knots
that are in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind

Erase the will nots,
may nots,
might nots that may find
a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,
would nots and
should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,
Dear God,
I ask that you remove from my mind,
my heart and my life all of the 'am nots'
that I have allowed to hold me back,
especially the thought
that I am not good enough.
AMEN

Author Known to God

It's About Time

Remember my post last week? The one that said Grandy was spending quality time with her niece and Mom in the hospital? Well, remember the posts a few weeks back that said Grandy was dealing with her own stupid stones issues?

Well the next day after that post, everything came to a head for Grandy. She called the doctor and got an appointment first thing. The little guy Grandy also had injured himself while snowboarding with the scouts on Saturday, and his knee was looking worse. So Grandy also called and got an appointment for him that afternoon.

Here's how the day transpired after that...

- Fubby (new nickname for Hubby for the last 10 months that stands for F-N Hubby) has to drive Grandy to the 10:00 doctor's appointment.
- Pain so bad for Grandy that tears are coming down.
- Doctor takes one look at Grandy and tells Fubby to get me to the hospital, they will do emergency surgery that afternoon.

"We stand a 50% chance of fixing it this time," the doctor says.

::blink blink::

"Ummm...what about that other 50%?" I ask.
"We'll worry about that after" he says, with a crazy look on his face as he speaks only to Fubby.

- Fubby drives Grandy to the Hospital, where nice people are waiting for me with pain meds. They all remembered me from my surgery 2 weeks ago...which helped.
- Grandy calls the office (fully medicated) and tells everyone she won't be in for a few days.
- Medications roll...Fubby leaves the hospital to go pick up Little Guy Grandy from school 20 miles away, so he can be back in time to see the doctor before surgery.
- Fubby & Ty make it back just in time to meet the staff rushing me in.
- Nite Nite Grandy
- Fubby takes Ty to the doctor, where they send him for x-rays.
- Grandy has sweet friend working recovery that day, taking very good care of her.
- Fubby & Ty (now on crutches) return to hospital in time to meet Grandy on her way to her way to her room.

"WHAT? You're keeping her?" Fubby asks.

- Doctor shows Fubby & Ty the stones he removed. The largest of them is the size of Fubby's pinky tip. The smallest was the size of his finger nail.

"Nevermind." Fubby says.

Grandy proceeds to pass several more stones through the course of the next couple days and develops a new affection for morphine and norco and comes through with a smile. (On a side note, Grandy is hoping that she passed the last of the big ones last night).

- Several more appointments for Ty are sprinkled in over the next couple days because they're worried about a blood clot, among other things.

Needless to say, Fubby handled it all in stride. My pain, Ty's pain (which now looks to be a slight tear of the ACL), and all the fun that goes with it.

Thank goodness this week is behind us. Thank goodness the stones are out of me.

THANK GOODNESS WE'RE DONE!!!!

I hope!!

*2010* A Note to Self

Self;

Since you decided to spend the first day of the New Year absolutely hung over relaxing in your jammies, and watching a Barney Miller marathon, you are on the right track. I am not going to let you make any resolutions this year.

You were WAY too damn serious this last year. Who cares that there were moments that you felt like you couldn't keep it together? BUCK UP GRANDY!!

You have some challenges in store for you, starting early in 2010. YOU WILL NOT let them get the better of you.

You WILL try to relax, while at the same time still busting your ass working really hard for what you have. You WILL laugh again, and again, and again...even in the face of adversity. These are not considered "resolutions", if it means you will again be YOU dumbass.

So self. Pay attention. We're going to rock this year! Nothing specific, no deadlines, no expectations... JUST ROCK GRANDY!!

Oh yeah... and self... Your liver called. It wants to know what it did to piss you off.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Grandy

Dis-ap-point-ment

A heavy word that carries more weight than anger or sadness.

We have all been faced with moments where our parents have said, "I'm not mad ... I'm just disappointed."

Some synonyms for disappointment are failure, defeat, frustration.

While learning about different personality types, Grandy has always fallen into the category of that upper right quadrant. It never fails what the test is, the quadrant is always the same: Energizer, Talker, "Yellow" (for the color of the quadrant, not my lack of courage).

Description: Stimulating, Enthusiastic, Gregarious, Impulsive, Emotional

Strengths: Communication, Motivation, Relationships, Creativity, Humor

One common thread in all these tests is that the "Energizer", "Talker", and "Yellow" quadrant hates to disappoint others. We rarely say NO. We suffer from a sincere desire to please EVERYONE.

Unfortunately, it's that fear of disappointment that forces Grandy to either take certain action, or decide not to take action in circumstances. When this post started a few weeks ago (I had to set it aside because I was in the midst of sincerely disappointing someone and it made me cry to think about it) it was all coming to a head for Grandy.

Thankfully, this week, Grandy is not working. She's relaxing, and taking time for herself. She was being faced with possibilities that she would not be able to take the whole week off, but didn't waver. When the president of her company sent her an appointment, she boldly (and diplomatically) declined and reminded him she would not be there.

Since Grandy has felt like nothing but a disappointment in many arenas lately, she's going to get back to basics and drill down. One of the areas where she's really failed lately is this blog. Not just this blog, but her lovely blogging community. As you can see, community and relationships are a big thing for Grandy. She's at a loss without you folks.

Grandy will be peaking in on all of you and catching up soon. But if you happen to stop by before she checks in, please tell me... What's new with you?

WTF Wednesday - The Edge

Grandy can't believe it's been a week and a half since getting the opportunity to post on this blog.

This sign pretty much indicates the state my life has been in for some time.

Unfortunately...I've gotten to close to this platform's edge and am on the verge of getting "sucked off".

Hang in there readers...I will come back soon.

I just didn't want you to think I was physically hurt somewhere...or that the light at the other end of that tunnel was in fact a train that has made impact already.

Hope you are all well??

Belated Blogversary Post

October 3, 2007: Functional Shmunctional is BORN with this post.

October 3, 2008: Grandy has to undergo surgery on the 2nd, but still manages to pre-post so that she doesn't miss her 1st Blogversary on the 3rd, while she's in the hospital.

October 3, 2009: *blink blink* Really? NOTHING?!? How does Grandy blow this exactly? No telling...but we suspect Grandy has been trying with all her might to mimic those dang ostriches in the banner up there. HEAD BACK IN THE SAND!!! At any rate, perhaps Grandy will just say that she was off rockin' the night away while celebrating her 2nd Blogversary on a hot happenin' Saturday night. Yeahhh...that's the ticket.

People often keep journals for many reasons. My English teachers back in school used to make us keep one every year. Grandy always struggled with the personal commitment of keeping a journal. I'd go 2 weeks, maybe 3, and then run out of steam or focus. SHOCKING!! Grandy has a tendancy to lose focus!!

Somehow this "journal" has survived 2 years, and 365 posts.

HOLY UNDERWEAR BATMAN!!

This blog would not have lasted as long as it has, were it not for you out there. You laugh and cry with me, exactly when I needed you to. Here are some highlights from the last couple years.

First post where Grandy realized her MOM read her blog: YABUTS - Yeah...she suspected some of it was directed at her, but she got over it.

First post that got over 30 comments: A Letter to Ty - Also one of my personal favorites. This will last way longer than the birthday cards I've given him over the years. I happen to know he's gone back to read this one over and over...and yet the room remains un-clean.

Some apparent fan-favorites: I Couldn't Make This Up, Things You'd Hear at My Desk 1 & 2, and one several of us STILL giggle about at the office...Commuter's Emergency Kit.

As I reflect back on the last two years that have been shared with you all, I realize what I have gained from having this blog. I have my outlet. I've had a release. I've had perspective. I've had FUN. My writing has made me laugh, vent, and cry. This blog is all things random, and yet not all things that mean nothing. There are some rant blogs out there with rarely a theme. This blog is out there, but rarely without a purpose.

Thank you to all my readers, followers and stalkers. Thanks for keeping me honest, keeping me real, and welcoming me back to share more.

Celebrating Even the Smallest Successes...

Grandy's recent celebration for the work win, was unfortunately pretty short lived. Regrettably, there's just so much going on in Grandy's head, and her heart, that makes it difficult to truly celebrate big things.

I suppose that would be a good thing that works in my favor in sales. You don't celebrate the big win for too long, before you are already focusing in on the next win. I will admit that is part of why my gears shifted so quickly, but would be lying if I said that were all.

You've seen Grandy post in the past about all that she has on her plate. You've seen me confess to the fact that her boss has referred to her as "Molotov Mary" (some truth to that). You are aware of my struggles with saying no, and thus being over-committed to every blasted thing (more truth to that). And whether or not I say this enough...Grandy is truly blessed with a lot of beautiful friends and family (all truth to that).

Let's see if Grandy can focus on some little successes in her hell other world, that might just help put things in perspective for her...

1. You will be pleased to know, that even after drinking copious amounts of wine (and even a drink called a scorpion), Grandy did not make an a$$ of herself at this event. As a matter of fact, she has managed to work 16-hour days, doing multiple jobs, and her head hasn't popped once (alright...maybe once...but not many people witnessed it). - Score 100 points for Molotov!!!

2. Another success? Grandy has resigned as the co-chair of the School's Site Council. This council wasn't a whole lot of extra work, but it was extra work and a commitment that maybe, towards the end of the last school year, I wasn't really able to give my all to. Weekly I keep threatening to quit the scouts...but I also threaten to get my lazy butt to the gym more...Grandy apparently lacks some commitment there. - Score 50 points for the SUCKER!

3. Friends...Grandy can't say enough about her friends and family. Grandy's friends are her family...and her family is most certainly her friends. Over the last few weeks, few months even, they have shown me sides of themselves that touch me so deeply. Were it not for these people surrounding me, Grandy would have popped months ago. When I posted my featured health success story from the med center's website here, I had also sent an email to all my friends and family thanking them for their support (crying as I wrote it of course).

Grandy learned about 2 weeks ago that despite all the crap misfortune going on, her health is still where it needs to be. - Grandy scores PRICELESS points!!!!

::yep...Grandy is crying again::

We are winding down 2009 (and what a hellacious year it has been) and it's looking good that her New Year's resolution of "NO ANESTHESIA OR -OSCOPY" could come to fruition. Grandy had kissed good-bye to SUCK-IT08 and rang in BRING-IT09 with focus. Looking back, maybe I brought this year upon me by sticking my chin out and saying...I CAN TAKE IT. ACK!!

Hmmm...This will make Grandy pause and seriously contemplate what phrase she coins for 2010. PAY-ME10? BLOW-ME10? We'll have to give this more thought...

For now, as Grandy struggles with what she feels like is an elephant balancing on dental floss, she is going to try to focus on these smaller successes. By themselves, they may not seem like much, but when you put them all together...it's these things together that get Grandy through the next day.

Why not share with Grandy what some of your successes have been lately? As you can see, no success is too small, but it's often those small ones that get overlooked or forgotten. Did you lose a pound? Finish a project? Land a job? Make a new connection? Let's combine all the successes in Grandy-land, and use it as a launching pad into a good week ahead.

A New Prescription We ALL Need

Grandy has found a medication she is not opposed to taking. This pill is more than just a happy pill. It's a pill with benefits.

We have a friend who said that an Optimist feels like things can't get any worse, whereas a Pessimist knows that they can.

Folks...I'm not sure where Grandy fits into this spectrum...but I am dang tired of the bad luck.

Please call your doctors and ask about this prescription. I can only think of a few possible side effects, and none of them involve diarrhea or vomiting.

WTF Wednesday - Feeling Hostile

Grandy thought that Tuesday was a better day than yesterday's Grumpy Grumperton from Grumpville day. REALLY.

However...this serenity prayer pretty much sums up the frustration and hostility she can't quite keep a handle on.

Can you read it? It is not intended to mock the actual serenity prayer (Grandy actually relies on that on a regular basis) but it does work for Grandy right now.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

Where do I sign for this mantra??

Are you talking about ME?

A few months back, Grandy got a call from her Doctor's office.

This call was different.

"Grandy, we have someone wanting to do a feature for the Sutter Health Website, and we'd like to relay your information on. Would you be interested?"

Huh? Sure...I suppose.

A month goes by. The call comes from the hospital asking me to sign some documents. Perhaps they want to determine their varying levels of "success", and need to see if Grandy qualifies.

Another month goes by and the call comes from the writer doing the feature.

As she's asking me questions, I'm still a bit amazed that people want to talk to ME about being a "success" where it comes to my health. ME?!? SERIOUSLY?

Folks...the article is up. When I sent the link out to my family and friends it made me cry like a baby. The thought of the words "success" and "health" being used in the same breath, and have them talk about ME meant more than you will ever know. I have only touched the surface on my health issues here on this blog, but it is safe to know I have been through a journey.

Please go read my article here: http://checksutterfirst.org/bariatrics/patientstories/mary.html

Come back and comment, and enjoy the article. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I need to use it as my reminder to be strong, even when I feel like I cannot.

What now?

I have been looking forward to today for weeks now.

It took a lot of work to coordinate the trip for 17 boys and 5 leaders but the Grandy boys, and the most of the troop, pulled away this morning without a hitch. I'm certain that the boys will have fun, both young and old. The Dads going are a great group. The boys will come home with some great stories, new merit badges, and a very distinctive odor emitting from them that will take another week to get it out.

So what does this mean?

GRANDY HAS THE HOUSE TO HERSELF FOR A WEEK!!!!

Here is my very own honey-do list for the week. I've never done my own, surrounded mostly on what I WANT...so it's kind of fun.

*Take a nap - will do that when I'm done here.

*Read a book - yep! Started one yesterday, and my goal is to finish it this week.

*Dishes - Not a biggie...I do that anyway. NOW I can do it with my Broadway Channel blaring in the background.

*Work - Didn't take any days off but I've got meetings, and one of them involves a boat trip in San Francisco one day.

*Post Daily Here - It's been a while, and I'm having difficulty with the scheduling feature, but I can do this for a week!!

*See Altar Boyz Thursday - It's a musical I'm not familiar with, but the reviews are pretty good. Going with a friend, and any night where I can get Sushi and a Musical is a great night.

*Go to Lake Tahoe Friday - Going with another friend to catch Shakespeare at Tahoe. Oh yes, a good girlfriend (she's been trying to get me to go every summer for 6 years), Lake Tahoe, good wine, and my boy Bill. It rarely gets much better.

Not a bad week, huh?

It's sad that I try to squeeze in my first loves (theatre, music, reading, writing) while my other loves are away. It just kinda works out this way. My time is not my own when the boys are around. I need to work on that balance.

This might be JUST what Grandy needs.

See you all on the other side of a week of Rest and Relaxation!!!

Nice Parking Job!

During the hustle and bustle of the Christmas holiday season, with people flocking to the malls and shopping centers in droves, parking can be somewhat...problematic.

There have been times that Grandy has come out to her car and could not get into it because someone parked so dang close to her door that there would be no way to get the leg in. Grandy has literally had to climb over the passenger seat before. It is times like these, because Grandy already hates to shop, that truly makes the head want to EXPLODE. There have been occasions when a note has been left, or even some choice words have been exchanged with the person who parked the vehicle there.

Now, don't get me wrong, my parking skills are not one for the record books. There have been occasions where maybe I have a tire on the line, or had to make a 32 point turn to maneuver into a parallel parking spot. There was that one time I drove my then boyfriend's (now hubby) truck to the mall to pick up a gift, the parking lot was packed and Grandy saw a primo spot in front of a corvette. I pulled into the space with the lifted truck, and wondered how close I was to the corvette. With the truck in park I got out to check, because I really couldn't tell.

UH-OH!

Yep! Grandy had parked over the corvette. There was absolutely no contact with the little car, but somehow I had parked far enough over it that half the hood was under the truck. YIKES!! You guessed it, Grandy backed out of the spot, checked the vette again for any possible scratches (not a one folks) and decided she would take the land yacht (aka pick-up) to the far end of the parking lot where there were no other cars.

Last week Grandy met a friend for dinner. If it weren't for the fact that this restaurant (on the outside of the mall) wasn't one of the best sushi places around, Grandy would not bother going there. But she was in a hurry, parked in the back, and there were about 20 open spaces all around her. Because she was in a hurry, Grandy didn't realize that her back tire was a little over the line of the next parking space. Besides, there seriously was about 20 open spaces around her!

Grandy had a good time at dinner with her friend, they walked around the massive bookstore inside, and she returned to her car a few hours later. As she approached, she could see something in the windshield. Oh yeah...it was a note alright. The note read: Nice parking job a$$hole!! Learn how to f*c*ing park!!

Hahahaha!!!! There are still 20 open spaces around her, she's in the back of the parking lot, and there is no one else around. The thought that I made someone irate enough to stop and leave this note, by parking out in the middle of nowhere, and having my tire over the line, made me hysterical. I seriously got in the car and laughed so hard I had tears.

Grandy would like to thank the charming soul that left that note on her car. Truly thank that soul. For you see, before that note, I had been having a rough day, consoling a dear friend, and just having an overall difficult time putting things into perspective. That note reminded me, although Grandy may feel like she's going crazy sometimes, there are still people out there WAY worse off than she is.

How does one walk?

Throughout the years we find ourselves in certain situations that we suddenly look up and ask, "Where am I? And how did I get here?"

We commit to things in our lives that seem like a good fit at the time, and you start doing it for all the right reasons, but then somehow...somewhere...it's not working. We try and try...and try again...and we just can't get our heart into it. When you start to do things out of obligation, as opposed to doing things because you want to, it seems like it would be time to cut your losses and walk away.

People walk from commitments and obligations all the time. There's a right and a wrong way of doing things (as with anything) but they do it. The reasons why they walk should be unimportant to others, but that is never the case. Managing perceptions is never an easy task anyway, but I don't want to have to care. Why the heck do we care what people think and say anyway?

As you can tell, Grandy does care about what people think and feel. She swears like a sailor wears her heart on her sleeve when people around her "need" her, or are hurting. Maybe we focus on others so that we don't have to address what's happening in our own lives, in our own heart. But really, it's probably just an excuse.

At any rate, Grandy has realized she needs to grow a set of something, if she's going to find her way to the next chapter in her life. When people are counting on you, you do what you have to do. You don't have to like it...but you do it anyway.

So readers, give me your perspective. Tell me about a committment you have had to step back from. Share with me how you did it, and how it worked out. It can be big or small, Grandy takes on all committments and needs to scale WAY back.

Teach me how to walk folks!!