Sunday, January 24, 2010

It Happened!!

Grandy is pretty sure she has experienced all things embarassing, and was completely un-phased by any other antics that may cause her to blush. Friday...yes, this Friday...I continued in my journey to out-do even myself.

Grandy had a very good meeting with a long term banking client. We reviewed business, we laughed, we accomplished a lot.

When we were done, and realizing I would be stuck in traffic for some time, I asked to use the restroom. When done, I walked back out and my contact took my co-worker and I around to see the other officers of the bank. After exiting about the 3rd office in the 2nd story of the bank, my co-worker makes something like a squeeky noise.

What? - I asked her.

She doesn't speak, but instead she hurries up behind me and I feel a rustling in my long flowy skirt.

What? - I again asked her.

Then it clicked. She can't speak because she's laughing so hard. Then my contact at the bank realizes what's going on and begins laughing hysterically.

Yep! It happened!! Grandy had her long flowy skirt tucked into her leggings and her leopard print underwear was showing for all the world to see. My response?

Well were my panties straight?


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Cranky Pants

WOW!!! It's been a while since Grandy has had 2 sticks to rub together for a brain time to sit down and write you all a post while NOT under the influence of pain meds.

I won't bore you with all the gory details, but I will confirm that it appears the stone is still there. Had a procedure last week, so the doctor could go and "get" the stone. Now we insert a lot of blah blah blah, stone was not in the bladder, yada yada, "NO WONDER YOU ARE HAVING SO MUCH PAIN", blah blah's lodged.

Now I have a pretty high threshold for pain, but even GRANDY has her limits. So...the fun continues. All the while, life goes on.

Over the last few days, I have noticed that perhaps I have not been myself. It appears that either the pain medication, the lack of being able to take it during the day so I can function in my job, or the dang pain itself is making Grandy a dull girl. I've had several meetings this week (and today is only Wednesday), and had to put my "game face" on. The only problem with that is, when I'm done...I'm DONE.

So while Grandy was in between meetings, had 20 minutes to accomplish 3 completely different tasks, while 4 people were stopping at her desk with different questions, her co-worker made the mistake of asking a question. It was not the question itself she was asking, but rather the fact that I had answered her question, and she had re-worded it 3 different times to see if she would get a different answer. THAT was an unfortunate incident.

This is a VERY sweet lady. She is actually very likeable. I felt short with her, but didn't mean to.


Maybe those warnings where you should NOT mix alcohol with the pain meds should be ignored from time to time. Maybe that would help?? Nahhhhhh...who needs more loopiness?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Grandy Strikes Again

I think it's safe to assume that when Grandy is out in public, the adventures never stop. It's sometimes a good thing when there are people around to witness the hilarity that ensues. And then there are times almost wish that there were no witnesses, because when there are, you will NEVER live it down.

Case in point...Grandy's most recent adventure.

The scene: VERY fancy and elegant Dim Sum restaurant in San Francisco. My co-workers and I are sitting at a VIP table with the owner and her family. These are elegant and almost royal Asian women. They disply nothing short of class and grace. (Grandy is intimidated a bit by their presance but they are so gracious, they make you feel comfrotable.) It's lunchtime, and this restaurant is bussling with business. There's quite a bit of ambient noise.

Daughter: Mary, are you "Adventurous"?
Me: Sure! I'm game for anything! (of course I am)
Daughter: Really? We have "Chicken Feed" (and she does the quotes with her fingers) on the menu. It's kind of a delicacy, but some people don't like it because they can't get past the texture.
Me: Why? How bad can it be? Is the corn raw or something?
Daughter: Are you up for trying it?
Me: (Not one to refuse a challenge) Sure!
Daughter: Mom! Mary's going to TRY the "Chicken Feed".
Mother: REALLY?!? That is WONDERFUL!! Oh Mary, I do hope you like it.
Me: Oh I'm sure it will be fine.
Daughter - To the waitress: We're going to have an order of ::raise of the eyebrows:: "Chicken Feed".
Waitress: Oooohhhh! Okay!!
Me: Why did you do your eyebrows like that, when you said that?
Daughter: Oh, it's just because I'm excited.
Me: ::thinking to myself...what's the big deal? It has to be raw corn, maybe mixed with something::

The waitress returns with a silver platter, covered with a dome lid. There's a sense of excitement as she delivers it with flair and sets the platter in front of me on the table. My co-workers are smiling at me, seemingly impressed with what I'm about to do.

The lid comes off...

Grandy looks at it, puzzled. There's not a single piece of corn in this bowl. There's obviously enough for others around the table, but it looks like there are breaded things in this bowl. There are several, and it's hard to make out what it is. The waitress puts a piece on my plate.

Me: ::thinking to myself:: That's odd, it almost looks like...
Daughter: Well? What do you think?
Daughter: Yes, it's Chicken Feet! (She says proudly with a smile)

Mind you...this is the VERY first time Grandy has heard the word "FEET".

Daughter: What do you think?
Mother: ::looking so proud:: It's a delicacy, and people really either love them or hate them.
Me: ::staring at a single chicken foot on her plate, cooked in what looked like a thick terryaki sauce:: Ummm...You have to know that up until now, I thought you were talking about chicken FEED. With a "D".
Daughter: You thought we were saying FEED?
Me: Yes.

The entire table breaks out in laughter, simultaneously. My co-worker to my right has tears coming down, she's laughing so hard, as I find myself staring at a lone chicken foot on my plate. The Mother and Daughter are even graceful as they laugh hysterically at me, and the waitress puts a foot on each of their plates.

Mother: ::gathering herself:: So? Will you still try it?
Me: (Never one to disappoint. EMBARASS...but not disappoint) ::smiling:: Of Course!

The dang thing was slippery as all get out. I'm pretty good with chopsticks, but this foot kept slipping out and dropping. Now there's an audience watching for my reaction, and I can't get the dang thing in my mouth.

I take a bite...

They're watching anxiously...

Me: Not BAD!!
Daughter: Really? Do you like it?
Me: It's really not that bad. It is pretty much just skin and bones (spitting a bone into my napkin) but it just still...tastes like chicken.


Me: Well, it's official!!
Daughter: What's that?
Me: Proof now that they use every part of the chicken.


Co-worker: You are NOT going to live this down any time soon.
Me: I figure as much.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

WTF Wednesday - Money Hungry

There have been a few things that have always stumped Grandy.

Why is there a lock on the door at a 7-11, which is open 24hrs?

What is 3G? (Really, please don't define it for me because my next question will be who cares?)

Why are the bedspreads at Motel 6 so hideously UGLY and PAINFUL to look at?

One thing that has always caused me to scratch my head is braille on the buttons at a Drive-Thru ATM. Really? I get that they need their money...but are they the ones driving?

THIS picture tells us that this bank really doesn't want their clients to get their money. Can you imagine the FEES this ATM charges in the rare event that ANYONE can get their money out?


Sunday, January 3, 2010

*2010* A Note to Self


Since you decided to spend the first day of the New Year absolutely hung over relaxing in your jammies, and watching a Barney Miller marathon, you are on the right track. I am not going to let you make any resolutions this year.

You were WAY too damn serious this last year. Who cares that there were moments that you felt like you couldn't keep it together? BUCK UP GRANDY!!

You have some challenges in store for you, starting early in 2010. YOU WILL NOT let them get the better of you.

You WILL try to relax, while at the same time still busting your ass working really hard for what you have. You WILL laugh again, and again, and again...even in the face of adversity. These are not considered "resolutions", if it means you will again be YOU dumbass.

So self. Pay attention. We're going to rock this year! Nothing specific, no deadlines, no expectations... JUST ROCK GRANDY!!

Oh yeah... and self... Your liver called. It wants to know what it did to piss you off.