Too Much Talky

Grandy wants to take a moment to say THANK YOU to everybody for their comments on last week's post here. PLEASE NOTE: The above picture is NOT directed at any of you. This picture is solely directed at yours truly.

Really.

I have re-read my post from last week and WOW is it LOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG WINDED. It would appear Grandy's lessons on "less is more" need a little fine-tuning.

The other day I couldn't help but laugh hysterically at a guy notorious for leaving long voicemail messages. He must have spoken for about 3 minutes when the machine cut him off, and I'm not even sure he ever got to his point.

Now...the polite thing for Grandy to do when he asked me "are you laughing at me?" would be to say, "No, not at all. I got a funny instant message." But alas...you readers know I don't roll downhill. What came out was "Heck yeah!! I HATE IT when you leave me messages like that and wish MINE had a time limit."

We laughed about it because he knows how he rambles. But next time (if I think about it) I am going to DEFINITELY just hand him this picture while he's leaving the message. It is TOO classic!!

Good thing he has a sense of humor. YAY FOR GOOD SPORTS!!!

Yeah...THIS is how it is!

Really? Is THIS what men thought??

Give me whatever vitamins SHE is taking!!!

So...If the harder your wife works, the CUTER she looks is the key, then GRANDY IS ADORABLE!!!

WTF Wednesday - A Day or So Late

Since the Grandy Wednesdays have been a bit more crazy (and I suppose it's not just Wednesdays), I've been remiss in sharing some funny tidbits that I've stumbled upon.

You may know that my dear husband (insert "bless his heart" comment here) has a nickname. The nickname I came up with for him is "FUBBY". He's always been HUBBY on this blog, but there are moments he is just a F***N HUBBY!!

Well, we have never gone this far in our disagreements...but I like the way these people think.

Fantasies Shmantasies

This email has made the rounds a couple times, and there's not a single time that I've seen these pics that I'm not laughing.

How fairy tales REALLY end...

SNOW WHITE



BELLE



CINDERELLA



And my favorite of all time...

THE LITTLE MERMAID

Who Has Time for THIS?

We all get VERY busy at work. Grandy would like to confess that lately she has been blowing chunks big time slipping back into her old ways in the work-life balance arena. It always amuses me to see how people find little ways to cope with work stress.

So, when this email was sent to me at work, I glanced at it and saw the pictures attached, and OH-MY-GOOD-GRACIOUS!! They struck a funny bone. This guy gets an award for creativity, while at the same time gets a "weirdness" award for having all those dead flies around.

A day at the beach...

A day at the races...

A day at the pool...

And of course...A night at the bar...

Who has THIS MUCH time on their hands??

Not I, said the fly!!!

A New Winter Olympic Sport

Watching the Olympics this time around, I have been amazed by the athletisicm of these individuals. I love seeing the behind-the-scenes stories, and getting to know the person and family behind the goggles, or on the skates. With all the inspiring stories, it definitely inspires even the most athletic challenged to try and do "something".

Grandy has never skiid, never snow boarded, never even sledded in snow. I've played, walked, shoveled, ridden my quad, and of course even built a snow man, but because of all my knee surgeries I have never attempted to do those thins in fear of activating my medical plan.

Friday...this past Friday...Grandy decided it was time to try. There was a sponsored trip to Squaw Valley by one of our clients. All expenses, lessons, rentals, lift tickets, drinks, all paid for by someone else...who wouldn't want to go? I've gone before, but have hung out with the few that braved the weather by holding up the bar. This year, it would be different.

So...how did it go, you ask?

It was a beautiful day. It was snowing and raining, and there were all sorts of people everywhere. Grandy looked every bit the part of the professional snow boarder in her snow outfit, holding her rented board, and rocking her shades. THAT, fair reader, was the end of her skills.

Grandy invented a new olympic sport. I'm sure nobody has heard of it. NO ONE!!

Snow Butting.

Grandy went down the entire hill (oh yeah, because the guy teaching me didn't want to hike the 1/4 mile to the bunny slope so we were on a "blue diamond" hill) on her rear. Slid down. The entire way. On her BUTT!!!!!!!

The only thing that DIDN'T hurt Grandy the next day? Yep!! Her butt!!

Good times folks!! Good times!!!

Annual Christmas Letter

Dear Friends & Family,

Wow! I can't believe another holiday season is upon us. It's been an amazing year! Bob got that big promotion at the Extenze plant. He's been really selling the "dick-ens" out of those little blue pills (forgive the pun). No complaints from his female boss either. All those long nights of work with her have finally paid off, and she gave him the promotion AND a raise. I'm still not exactly sure why he had to buy her the diamond earings to show his appreciation, but he IS very sweet that way.

Little Timmy is currently on the honor roll in his 3rd grade class. We've finallly convinced him to stop eating the paste during arts and crafts. Ever since we started sending him to school with lunch money, however, he seems to be coming home even more hungry than before. I'm sure it's just a hungry spurt, because I know he's spending every last penny because he never even comes home with a dime of change. That cafeteria food must be a real treat..

Things haven't changed much for me this last year. I'm still working the drive-thru at the big McDonalds on Main Street. I'm next in line to be head cashier, and then it's only a matter of time before I get to be a shift leader.

As you can see, we're doing great things in the family this year. But I am looking forward to 2009 coming to an end. I'm hoping that you all get a little something special under your tree.

Merry Christmas!!!

That's What She Said

Recently Grandy has been introduced to a new adventure. GOLF!

Golf is NOT an easy sport. You are hitting a small ball, not much bigger than a shooter's marble, with a very long "stick", to find a hole that is FAR AWAY. Really? Who invented this game? I haven't done any homework on this, but I imagine it was someone with a little too much time on his hands.

While Grandy participated in her first EVER golf tournament (yes, she managed to get a few lessons in beforehand) she learned that the sport is full of little sillies that made her giggle and think to herself "That's what she said."

So here are some of the doozies that Grandy witnessed, and giggled about.

**I lost my ball.

**Which size should I use?

**You almost got the hole!

And of course, my favorite of the day...

**I'll leave it in just long enough, until you get close...then I'll pull it out.

Really folks. Grandy couldn't recover from this one, she ended up "putting" the ball across the green and falling to the ground.

So although golf is a hard sport, it's great fun for the 12 year old mind of mine. I can see that there will be much more to learn about this sport. Time for me to invest in some YouTube time with this little guy.

FORE!!!!!!

A GLORIOUS WEEKEND

Grandy's weekend is all about good times.

The last few weeks...let's face it, MONTHS...Grandy has been wrought with "issues". Furlough issues, pay cut talks, family unemployment, family cancer issues, long days, short nights, and all sorts of other crap have been ruining my days and limiting my enjoyment of life.

Tomorrow and Monday are Grandy's first two furlough days, and she is down in Salinas for her...are you ready for this...20 year high school reunion. Technically it's only 19 years, but since Grandy's high school is celebrating their 50th year anniversary, they have combined 3 years together.

I have vowed to NOT WORK FOR 4 DAYS. Really. Grandy works on vacation and sick days, because that's the way that she operates, and she's already getting paid for them, but seriously...they are not getting my blood when they don't want to pay me. So that alone will be a nice break.

I'm really looking forward to connecting with old friends from the grades that graduated around me. Sunday is the anniversary of Dad's passing, and I get to go see him on that day. Tonight I'm hanging with a life-long girlfriend (remember Dens who never blogs enough?). It doesn't get much better.

This weekend Grandy will drink, laugh, drink, cry, drink and love.

I am SO looking forward to it!!

I Never Expected Gold

Despite triple digit temperatures, Grandy & Ty ventured out to volunteer with the Special Olympics of Northern California today. We worked the Tennis Venue, and met some AWESOME folks.

Barbara was an independent woman, who lives on her own, who had such a joy about her. She was AWESOME!! She used that word with everything, and her enthusiasm was so contagious. She also happened to think that the "babe shagging the balls was SO CUTE". Oh yeah...the babe? You guessed it...

Obviously Barbara has excellent taste. She was adorable as she hit Mr. Ball Fetcher directly with the tennis balls, and giggled profusely.

As a scorekeeper, I got to interact with the participants in the skills competition. These are some talented folks who, although they work hard, don't necessarily possess the skills to compete in a full match.

My partner athlete was Shilo. She was equally adorable and enthusiastic. She seemed to get a bit nervous when it was her turn, but as her scorekeeper, I would stand where she could aim at me and she did GREAT!! Each person had this charm and enthusiasm about them, it was absolutely great. We didn't even mind the fact that it was hotter than the depths of hell...so much.

At the end of the event, it came time for the announcement of the medals. Adorable Shilo, who had only picked up a racket a couple months before last year's event and still scored a silver, was anxious to know how she did. She wanted a gold SO BAD! Her mom was there with her, and I could tell she wanted it for her too.

The Special Olympic Oath Reads: "Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt." I couldn't help but be nervous for all these athletes who worked SO HARD, and yet want to hug each of them who were so very brave throughout.

And then...the announcement came...

OH YES SHE DID!!!

She won the GOLD folks!!

Her reaction when she won????

I never EXPECTED Gold. I HOPED for it, but didn't actually EXPECT it.

You deserved every ounce of that Gold Medal lovely lady!!

Classic Clouds

Grandy gets a lot of funnies in her email. Only some of them get shared here.

This one...I could NOT resist. With all the heaviness going on in my head and heart lately, this one SO FITS ME lately. I LOVE IT!!!

If you walk out of your house and see this staring back at you...

GO BACK TO BED!!!!

This is a sign your day will be HOSED!!!

Yard Work

Since I can't get my son to pick up all the land mines in the yard, perhaps I can teach my dog?

This one has it all figured out!

Did You Notice Grandy was Gone?

Grandy forgot to mention she had to be out of town for a few days (for business I assure you) which actually ended up meaning she was without her internet for a week.

Guess what readers...Grandy was GOOOOOOD with that one. Not even one obsession moment about it. Well...not a big one anyway.

Here are some highlights of what she's been up to, and I promise that when more sleep can be had, there will be further specific posts.

Number of bathroom stalls in the women’s restroom at John Wayne (A Terminal): 16
Number of bathroom stalls with doors that latch: 1.5

Number of times Grandy had to re-enter the counter at the car rental place before getting a car: 5
Number of times Grandy had to get at the end of the line at the car rental place: 5 (grrr)

Number of times Grandy had to charge her dang cell phone per day: 3.26
Number of times Grandy’s cell phone still died: 3
Number of cell chargers Grandy had to buy: 1

Number of crazy fun people Grandy met while on her business trip: 128921.3
Number of drinks Grandy had with all those crazy fun people: Don’t remember
Number of names Grandy remembers of those crazy fun people: Most
Number of names Grandy has forgotten of same crazy fun people: Doesn’t matter

Number of flings she had with her first true love: JUST ONE!!!

It's a tough job...but hell...it was one Grandy just HAD to do.

Off to nap now, and catch up on a ga-zillion emails. Next week we will try to return to our regularly scheduled programming.

I Want THIS Cookie!!

Because Grandy really is a 12 year old, trapped in this strange grown-up body, when this pic was found over at Geekologie.com she just had to borrow it to share with you all. Of course, I am offering up link credits all over the place, in exchange for my reader here to be able to share in my childish giggle.

This is something I would do too!!

I would find an obscure animal cracker, realize what it REALLY was, take a picture of it, and post at a later date.

In fact...I am up to the challenge... Someone get me a barrel of animal crackers!!!

Can I See Some ID?

Grandy mentioned back here that she is a bit of a success story.

One of the things she did not mention, is some of the things that go along with what happens when you lose a significant amount of weight. Some things that one would not consider.

For instance...when buying a drink (of the adult nature of course), or going to a bar with my friends...Grandy gets carded. Not a HUGE problem...except...when your license looks like THIS:

**No Neck...Several Chins**

The look of this pic. It's um...well...matronly. Maybe not "matronly" as much as a dear sweet friend said I looked like a LUNCH LADY. Don't worry, the bitch sweet girl is still my friend.

When the bouncers, servers, or anyone in general looks at my ID, they do about a quadruple check. Look at the card...look at Grandy...squint at the card...check Grandy out...hold card away from face and try to imagine that Grandy can ever be THIS Grandy.

Thank goodness Grandy's birthday is coming up soon, and it was time for a renewal.

Proudly stepping up to the counter, I explain I'm there to renew my Driver's License. Then the fun and frivolity begins...

Me: Hi, I don't have an appointment, but I'm due to renew my license and hoped I could do that today?

DMV Lady: (Try to imagine a 4 foot Margaret Cho looking lady with FAR less personality) It says here that you can renew by mail.

Me: Yeah, I get that...but I have this problem. ::hand her my ID::

DMV Lady: ::squinting at card...repeating same steps as above:: So what is it you need?

Me: I need to be able to buy liquor without someone thinking it's a fake ID. I'd like to NOT draw attention to the fact that I ever looked like that. Do you know what I mean?

DMV Lady: ::rolling her eyes:: Please fill out these forms.

Woo Hoo!! Grandy is on her way to putting THAT GRANDY behind her!! It doesn't even matter that the DMV Lady didn't understand her plight. She never would, because she had NO PERSONALITY!!

Who's up for a drink now?

**Collar Bones...my new favorite accessory**

WTF Wednesday

THIS IS CLASSIC!!

FAMILY BONDING AT IT'S BEST!!!

Grandy is WISHING she had this family bonding moment in HER album.

**Photo courtesy of Google Images & Ultimately Threadbombing.com**

The Grandy-Land Superhero IS HERE

She can kick ass, take names, and bring home the bacon to boot.

Let me introduce you all to the Grandy-Land Superhero, as illustrated by The Hero Factory.

She looks remarkably like the new Grandy, with her short hair cut...only WAY hotter.

Another Reason I LOVE My Camera

Yep!! I took this picture on our way back from a trip over Memorial Weekend. It overlooks the canyons not far from where we live.

Nope!! I'm not a pro.

But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.

Have You Ever?

The ever lovely Mariuca has tagged me for an ever-so-simple "have you ever" tag.

After answering all these, I should probably refer to this as the YEP tag. But only I'm weird enough to probably answer YEP to all 9 of the answers.

1. Have you ever been on TV?
YEP - But my mug shot has never been shown on it.

2. Have you ever sung in public?
YEP - Used to be asked to and paid to...if you can believe that.

3. Have you ever dyed your hair blond?
YEP - They're called highlights.

4. Have you ever eaten frogs' legs?
YEP - I'm usually game for trying anything...once.

5. Have you ever received a present that you really hated?
YEP - It was a horrible sweater that made me itchy and looked horrible. NO it wasn't THIS SWEATER.

6. Have you ever walked into a lamp post?
YEP - The better question is how many? Drunk or Sober?

7. Have you ever cooked a meal by yourself for more than 15 people?
YEP - It was much fun!!

8. Have you ever fallen or stumbled in front of others?
YEP - Again...how many times? I'm laughing out loud at the though of who might read this and have witnessed the many episodes (Hasta Pasta).

9. Have you ever done volunteer work?
YEP - TONS You name it...

See how easy this tag was? I encourage you all to fess up to your light poles and play along.

Remember, if you do play, leave a comment here to let me know so I can come check it out.

HAPPY YEPPING!!!

Off to a FUN Start

Grandy is starting the year off RIGHT people!!

She has done ab-so-flippin'-lute-ly NOTHING today. Well, not necessarily nothing, I suppose. The entire day has been spent in pajamas, playing on my laptop, listening to music...resting. SAWEEEEEETTTTT!!!

I have tried to catch up on the many blogs that I've discovered throughout the last year. As I did so, I saw many people kissing off 2008 and having a new hope for 2009. How very cool!! I can't help but think that with the douching cleansing of the difficult year, everyone has a renewed sense of hope. Hope is a good thing people!!

So, enough of the wah wah...2008 sucked... wah. Let's have some random fun.

Whenever Grandy is out and about (or in and around in the bloggy world) she finds things that amuse her. It really is quite fun to spend time in the Grandy brain sometimes because truly, the silliness is just stupid fun.

Since I got to spend all day on the laptop today, I'm going to share with you some random silliness I found.

***Seriously. Every time Grandy saw this little RSS feed guy on a blog, she had to take a double-take because she thought he was sitting on the can. That would be WAY COOL! Tacky...but kewl!!

***Grandy originally found this at Steven Humour's place, and I know he got it from here but I couldn't help but share it with all of you. This should truly be posted on some one's personal ad.

***Really? Could your job possibly be as bad as this guy? I actually got this pic in an email, so I don't know how to link it... but it was too good NOT to share.

I know I feel much better now that I got a day to slow down. I will relish this day for what it is, an opportunity to catch up with you all.

Anyone else?? How did you spend your first day of the year??