TOP DROPPER DAY

Entrecard has dubbed today as TOP DROPPER DAY, or something like that. It's a special day for all those dedicated droppers who faithfully drop their cards.

Unfortunately this is not a list you will ever see Grandy on. It's not that I don't try to stop by and see people, I just don't get to log in every day. I am a faithful follower of many sites, but I can't always drop on all my favorites. The people that have consistently dropped on me for so long are all awesome.

Entrecard has been a great way to find many different blogs. It's introduced me to many of my followers and bloggy friends. I think I'll keep it around, and hope to get to know more of you.

Thank you to my TOP DROPPERS!!!

Dropper/ # of drops
The Junk Drawer/ 31
Blog Fiction/ 28
Redhead Ranting/ 26
Behind the Bit/ 25
Orient Lodge/ 22
THE Andrea/ 22
PaulsHealthBlog.com/ 21
Forced Green/ 21
Argo's Journey/ 20
RagingRev/ 19

YOU ALL RAWK!!!

Another Reason I LOVE My Camera

Yep!! I took this picture on our way back from a trip over Memorial Weekend. It overlooks the canyons not far from where we live.

Nope!! I'm not a pro.

But I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once.

How did you find me?

Grandy has finally got a program on this site that will show how traffic gets to this site. I had SiteMeter before, but it wouldn't tell me what searches were done to land people on my site. That's half the fun, isn't it?

I'm being forced to look at things differently, since starting my other blog and I'm kinda having some fun learning some things. Here are some of my favorite searches that have prompted people to find Functional Shmunctional (and of course my comments on each):

"superhero boobs" - Were you looking more for Batman's Man-Boobs, or did you have more of a Wonder Woman cone thing goin' for ya?

"parent driving kids around jokes" - Is it the fact that the parent is driving the kids around that is the joke? Not sure. Whatever the cost, the comedian looking for that material is not pulling from experience. Any real parent knows the jokes come from WITHIN the car when driving the kids around.

"mean nicknames your child may be called" - Oh man...I want to find out the results of that search. I don't know what it would say about me, but YIKES it sounds serious.

"polyvinylrododospagaspamomo" - HUH?

...and of course...

"meaning polyvinylrododospagaspamomo" - Really... HUH?


...and my favorite...



"what nickname can i call my crazy friend matt?" - BOB

When a Hubby Explodes

My hubby is a very mellow guy. He doesn't get mad very often, and I know that having read my previous post some of you might agree this is a good thing for the sometimes exciteable Grandy.

There have been a few occassions where Grandy will admit she has ticked hubby off to a point where he is yelling at her (or trying to yell over her might be more appropriate) but those times are very few and far between. I know a couple family members have felt his temper flare, but really, he's a very mellow guy.

So when hubby does get upset for what appears to be no good reason, or something neither my son and I did or could control, it is sometimes just safer to stay out of the way and let it come out.

Imagine this scenario:

**Location - Grandy Home

**Time - 9:00 pm Friday

**Scene - The boy scout troop is scheduled to leave at 7:45 am for a snow campout the next morning. He has just gotten home from being on the road and just gotten out of the shower. Grandy has just returned home earlier that afternoon from traveling on business. Essentially we're both tired and he's not prepared... bad combination.

Him: Where are my long johns?

Me: (Having logged in to get some more work done) I don't know...what did you do with them?

Him: I can't find them. I didn't do anything with them. You did.

Me: Did I?

Him: (walking back into bedroom...begins throwing shoes around in the closet, although I don't know why) You need to find them!

Me: I do?

Him: Yeah, you lost them.

Me: Nope! I washed them, folded them, and put them in your stack.

(pause)

Him: S*(@#& - blah blah blah - tired - blah blah - can't find - yada yada - crap! - blah blah.

Ty enters the dining room where I am still working. He looks cautious as he hears shoes and blah blah coming from the bedroom.

Ty: What happened?

Me: It's not important.

Ty: Was it ME?

Me: Nope! Not me either, which is why it might be best for you to brush your teeth and get to bed. Safer for all.

Ty: Done.

Hubby still going: ($&*@)* Tired - Yada yada - sh!t - blah blah - #S!!

After a little while he emerged... without those dang long johns. He did look better though, but beat. We all decided it was for the best to call it an early night since they had to get upso early to go camp in the snow (doesn't sound much fun to me) but I love the way those two get excited to do these things together.

I find that when he is having one of those moods, it's just easier to let him vent. I have this blog, my friends, or my family that I can call. Men often need their own place to be able to vent their frustration.

My thing...the hard part for me... is to NOT laugh when he's in the middle of one.

I'll keep working on that one.

Tee Hee...

I Restrained but Didn't Want to.

Dear Mr. Think-You-Are-Way-Better-Than-Grandy;

I write this letter to you the day AFTER my f*ck you hangover wore off you decided it would make you feel better to open a can of "I'm a 45 year-old baby and am going to pee in the corner" attitude all into my business.

It has been a long time since Grandy has had to address such aggression over the phone. Your anger and pompous attitude was absolutely NUTS!! Have you considered anger management? Perhaps you should. Maybe your company offers some sort of psych eval.

You might remember how I mentioned my inclination to explode and say what is on my mind when feeling compelled to do so. Well maybe not, judging by the way you spoke to me as if I was your submissive whore.

Here's the deal. I was polite and civil to you over the phone for only one reason, my concern for my client. Well that, and I promised my boss I would really work on NOT dropping the F-Bomb at people...something about it keeping me from that ultimate VP title someday. When I apologized to you yesterday, it was NOT because I did something wrong. Quite the contrary actually. I apologized because I truly did not intend to hurt your feelings by trying to do my job.

So here are all the things I wanted to say to you, and was ready to say to you...but I'm better than you:

F**!~@!~~$@%K-O##@#*F">F**!~@!~~$@%K-O##@#*FFffffff!!!

Regards,


Grandy

A New Energy

The energy is in the air.

Can you feel it?

Record crowds gathered...without incident.

People are just so positive, and that alone is exciting.

Congratulations to this adorable family, and all those who got them there.

Goodness knows I wouldn't want the job.

Rejection

Everyone in the blogosphere, and in real life, has an image they try to portray. I've never really known what my image could or should be, I'm kind of all over the map and it's actually worked okay for me so far.

I find that when I try to "categorize" my blog, I can't. I don't really count as a humor blog because let's face it, I'm not really funny all the time. I'm not a news blog. My other site doesn't even exactly (actually not at all) count as a technology site, unless one is trying to laugh at the daily struggles of the technically challenged. Really people, I had NO IDEA that I could find something to blog about every day, as far as all things technology...and how I struggle with them. WOW!

Grandy has a bloggy buddy that had a Birthday yesterday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN! I know, I'm a day late...but I was a day late on posting even my own birthday. Jen has 3 blogs.

She blogs at Red Head Ranting, in which she rants about the daily happenings in her world. Her EC card looks like this:


Her next blog is Ergodic Cogitation/ I'm too tired to remember exactly what that means, but it's another good place for her to air her daily witticisms. The card she uses for EC is this:

I believe her last blog speaks for itself in the title. Kids of Queers is a blog that has some funny stuff. I think they are still Jen's outtakes on life but sprinkled a little more with a definite focus. It's more of a chronicle of how she grew up the product of a gay father, and a straight mother. That card used to be this:

But then I hooked her up with some killer resources and now it looks like this:

Part of the fun of Entrecard is the exposure you get to other blogs and learn more about the blogosphere. To earn credits you drop your "cards" on people, and to buy exposure to your blog, you pay with those Entre-Credits that you earn by clicking. Well, each blogger has the opportunity to accept or reject an ad.

I have to say that my ad has only been rejected once, in the entire time I've been with EntreCard. That rejection came by way of a (are you ready for this?) convention blog. I don't mean any old convention either. I mean you must imagine the type of convention that requires you to have either pointy ears or speak in another language entirely. Really...the Girly Anti-Geek has been rejected by geeks. And the reason given? Not relevant.

Hey, I'll admit even I've declined a couple ads here and there. I won't post ads where the chick is hotter than me. Granted, there are a couple on the adgitize site, but at least he polices them regularly.

What I have not had to deal with is how society still views homosexuality even today. Why would I? I'm not gay. I have a couple gay friends and family members, and love them very much, but I have not had to face the adversity they do every day.

As you can imagine, Jen has had her last ad rejected quite regularly. The reason given? Not relevant. Really? Is that it? Because I'm afraid you might be judging that book by a cover and really missing out on something good. That is truly a loss.

In honor of Jen's birthday I am here to show her some bloggy lovin'. I'm also here to say that Grandy judges no one, as she has no room to talk. I was only a little irritated when I got rejected by the geek squad (but only until I remembered the William Shatner SNL classic moment) so I can only imagine how it felt to continuously be rejected.

Sometimes I hide in the fog of what's considered a "mixed bag" of life, but do envy those brave enough to take a stand on something and be strong in the face of adversity.

What about you, reader? Have you ever been rejected for no darn good reason? Please share.

Whether you are part of Entrecard or not, would you share the KOQ card on your site? I just did. :)

Happy Belated Birthday, Red!!

Who Changed the Rules?

***Psssttttt***

Readers...It's Grandy! Blogging LIVE from the public library. I only have a minute before the pleasant lady at the desk kicks me outta here, but I could not leave without posting a few observations.

When the HELL did they abolish the rule that it was ok to TALK in here?

Really? It's not okay to yell to your friend in the magazine section, is it Mr. 40 year old bald man?

Readers...what are your libraries like? Chaos? I feel like I'm missing out on the hot new action scene here. What rock have I been under??

When Did He Get So Smart??

Actual conversation in the Grandy household.

Me (talking to a friend): I can't believe it. I make $XX per hour and yet I'm excited for earning $1 on a blog post. What's wrong with this picture?

Ty (without missing a beat while playing Guitar Hero II): Mom, that's because you got paid something for doing what you love. You're not just doing it because you have to, or for the money. That makes it a bonus.

From the mouths of babes...I'm so proud!!

Too Much Testosterone?

What has happened to my American Movie Classics channel? You know...the one with "AMC" in the corner?

While watching a movie with Hubby, it is one thing to see a commercial for medicine to correct the ED problem, but completely another thing to watch Rocky and get a commercial for: Pos-T-Vac which is a suck pump vacuum "Natural Male Enhancement" for erectile dysfunction (oh my...the Grandy spammers are going to kick me in the pants for this one). You know what this thing is? It's that thing from Austin Powers where he kept repeating, "It's not mine, baby."

That really made me laugh because I thought...HA! They have done a demographic survey of the target audience that will watch this movie, and men with struggles in that area of "practice" must be the primary group. Well...we are talking about a Rocky marathon here. So much testosterone on one little screen.

Then they want to make the guys feel even worse because the very next commercial is for "fono-chat", a chat line for Hispanic people.

These poor lonely guys don't stand a chance. First they must take a pill, then hook up the vacuum, then call and have someone whisper sweet nothings to them in a language they don't understand. Then they back to the regularly scheduled programming.

It was one thing to see those commercials for the KY His & Her Jelly, the ones where they talk about how each one does just the right thing for him and her, and when the meet WAMMO! Oh yeah, watching TV with my almost 13 year old son and seeing that commercial is nice. It shows how truly ready I am for addressing these things.

Him: I don't get it.
Me: NEVERMIIIIIIND! (This is where I proceed to leave the room and giggle/panic/and all the other things we mothers do when we realize it's getting close to that talk.)

It just doesn't seem right. If we are watching a channel like AMC, or a movie like Rocky, I would think the demographics would point towards commercials for athlete's foot, hair loss treatment, and lawnmowers. We shouldn't have to watch commercials for this stuff. Let the guys go back to buying these things out of their magazines...or off the internet for crying out loud.

Oh, and what does it say for our demographics ladies, when we are subject to daytime programming are we only offered laundry detergents, cleaning supplies and feminine hygiene?

What is up with that?

Bring on the commercials for B.O.B.s to make it fair!!! You do know what those are...right ladies? Come on. Think real hard.

Grandy's Favorite XMas Present - 2008

The Grandy family was very fortunate again this year for Christmas. Although I did feel a bit remiss and hesitant that this year could in no way compete with last year's Christmas in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I mean...come on...it's pretty tough to compete with this beauty:

Not to mention the fact that we got to immerse ourselves into their culture. It was a swell experience for all of us, but the lessons that Ty got from it will stay with him and made him thirsty to learn more about different cultures.

So this year, this Grandy was not overly looking forward to Christmas. Last year's trip of nearly killing myself while zip-lining through the canyons of Mexico left me feeling...well...a bit ho-hum.

Well that feeling soon faded when I discovered I needed nothing more than a simple holiday with my family. Just the 3 of us, spending quiet time together. That was all someone who spends her days running in 12 different directions, for the company, the community, and everyone in between, needed.

And in the gift department, the Grandys are together making a concerted effort to save money this year. Hubby will turn 40 in November and we've decided to save money for a trip to Alaska. So the gifts between me and Hubby were simple. While at the same time, very special.

Hubby has not always mastered the gift giving. Quite often I will open a gift, like slippers for example, and he will go into our room and get the pair he had gotten himself as well. I am truly about the thought of the gift, but when left to wonder if the thought came from meeting his needs or mine, then sometimes my appreciation is not what it should be. It may sound ungrateful, and I don't mean to be, but I like to know he thought about my little cold feet when he bought them. I don't need to wonder if he said "Ooooh, I need some of these," and figured he better get some for me too.

Call me sentimental.

So this year Hubby did something I would have NEVER anticipated. And it wasn't even just the gift that thrilled me so, it was the acts that followed the gift. He bought me this:

This is NOT a movie that Hubby would have any interest in. Oh sure, I bought him Casino Royale, because I know what a 007 Bond fan he is, but he knows I wanted to see this movie in the theatre and didn't get a chance to. AND he would have no interest in watching it because musicals just aren't his thing. But guess what...on Christmas he insisted we watch it AFTER he cooked Filet Mignon for Christmas dinner.

Thank you honey!! That is exactly the thoughtfulness that I appreciate!!!! :)

YYYY I LOVE YOU!!! YYYY

Have You Ever?

The ever lovely Mariuca has tagged me for an ever-so-simple "have you ever" tag.

After answering all these, I should probably refer to this as the YEP tag. But only I'm weird enough to probably answer YEP to all 9 of the answers.

1. Have you ever been on TV?
YEP - But my mug shot has never been shown on it.

2. Have you ever sung in public?
YEP - Used to be asked to and paid to...if you can believe that.

3. Have you ever dyed your hair blond?
YEP - They're called highlights.

4. Have you ever eaten frogs' legs?
YEP - I'm usually game for trying anything...once.

5. Have you ever received a present that you really hated?
YEP - It was a horrible sweater that made me itchy and looked horrible. NO it wasn't THIS SWEATER.

6. Have you ever walked into a lamp post?
YEP - The better question is how many? Drunk or Sober?

7. Have you ever cooked a meal by yourself for more than 15 people?
YEP - It was much fun!!

8. Have you ever fallen or stumbled in front of others?
YEP - Again...how many times? I'm laughing out loud at the though of who might read this and have witnessed the many episodes (Hasta Pasta).

9. Have you ever done volunteer work?
YEP - TONS You name it...

See how easy this tag was? I encourage you all to fess up to your light poles and play along.

Remember, if you do play, leave a comment here to let me know so I can come check it out.

HAPPY YEPPING!!!

What You Find When You Clean Your Desk

Today Grandy had to pack up her work desk and move....2 desks away.

There are some advantages to moving just 2-flippin'-desks away. Really. Although I can't really think of any at the moment, there must be some.

Oh yeah! You need not pack things in boxes. That's a plus, right? No...wait...instead you make a gazillion trips between the two. Suck.

It is always interesting the things you find when you have to relocate. I hadn't even thought it would be that much stuff because we only moved into the office a year ago. Well, let me tell you...I was irritated as all get out shocked and dismayed at what I found.

You see, Grandy is "paperless" at work. What does that mean? She is to work WITHOUT PAPER! I fought it along the way, but truly, it is a wonderful thing. Apparantly, I have a paper-crack addiction and didn't even know it AND my co-workers are my suppliers that should be ashamed for contributing to my habit.

When I get mail (and boy do I get mail) it is scanned to my email for me to process. Apparantly, that is not enough. They also deliver the hard copy to my desk. Then, when mail is misrouted to everyone in the office, that mail is also delivered to me (not scanned) whenever that person decides to look at it and gets around to giving it to me. It's not the most "efficient" system... but we are trying.

I've gotten so good that I maybe now send one actual physical letter per month. If I have to send anything, I print it to PDF and email it. Watch out for Grandy...she might sound almost organized.

So...here's what Grandy found when cleaning out her desk (did I mention to move 2 desks away?). Remember the key word here people...paperless.

- 2 Flashlights - I didn't even know I had 1
- 12 Note Pads - Really? Why? I am quite certain I could not have strategically placed all those.
- 62 pens - Only 2 of them worked
- 2 Catchup Packets - Hey, those are important when they hose you at the drive-thru.
- 1 Tape Dispenser - No tape...just the dispenser.
- 1 Date Stamp with my name on it - Last date stamped... 06-11-2007
- 1 FAT A$$ Binder, full of records sent by a client (already scanned) - Technically, this was strategically placed on my desk after I had told that person to shred them.
- 33 pieces of mail - So much for being paperless **Special note: I have no idea which mail has been scanned to me, and which has not.
- 16 Rubber bands - Must work on that rubber band ball sometime.
- 8 push pins - those are strategically placed to hold up my jokes
- 1 Dr. Suess Poem - Every desk MUST have one
- 267 Binder Clips - UGH!!! I need to find another use for these.
- 192,768 PAPER CLIPS - For all that paper...right?

Well, Grandy is going to go make herself a nice long noose with all thos paper clips, put 16 small braids through her hair, and strategically place 267 binder clips as a boobie trap for the person who keeps eating my cheese.

A New Blogging Adventure - 2009 1st Edition

YYYWELCOME TO THE FUNCTIONAL SHMUNCTIONAL 250th POST!!!YYY

Tonight we have quite the gala planned for you all. So many announcements...so little time.

You may have noticed Grandy making a few changes around the sidebar of this site. Well, there have been some new endeavors in more places than just this site.

Grandy has decided to take her blogging experience to a new level. Not just the blogging experience, but her writing experience all the way around.

In December I signed up for both Bukisa and eHow. Two endeavors where you write articles and generate revenue based on the number of hits and clicks to those articles.

The funny thing is, once I signed up for eHow, I panicked. I realized I don't know how to "do" much of anything. Well I do, but I'm not sure I'm an "authority" on any one thing. I stared at the screen for several days, and even considered writing an article on "I GOT NOTHIN'!" But after reading some words of wisdom from Dennis Palumbo in "The Three Cosmic Rules of Writing", found in The New Writer's Handbook (2007), he reminded me that "writing begets writing", and I was the only one holding me back.

So, I wrote my first article on How to Laugh at Yourself, because let's face it, I know how to do that quite well and do it every day. From there, I have written four more articles.

With Bukisa I found that many people at eHow are writing there too. Some are changing their articles a bit and re-posting them. I learned, however, that that can only draw away from the original articles (whatever that means) and didn't want to do that. So instead I would write an article there on a similar subject, and link back to the original. It's an interesting adventure that will be a challenge to see how it plays out. But I look at it this way...I'm polishing the ole' writing chops.

Well, things didn't stop there. As I struggled to learn my way around all these sites, and figure out the rules, I realized that I could totally have fun with the fact that I struggle with all things technical. Not just on the computer, but in the live world too. Let's face it, if batteries are required, or any sort of power whatsoever, then I struggle to learn about it.

I had noticed a few of my bloggy buddies that I've made through Entrecard had started other blogs at Today.com. That is a blogging site that pays you $1 for every 100+ word post (per day) and then some, depending on the traffic. You can find more here:

Well, what could I possibly post about every day? What subject could I possibly entertain the masses with (or at least the select few who catch on)? How about the fact that I'm so incredibly inept with so many things?

That's right, Grandy has started a new blog at GirlyAntiGeek.today.com. That's right folks, my other blog is a big girly, and a lot less geeky than so many of these other technical advice blogs. I have even engaged the services of the beautiful LadyJava, who has more blogs than that lady who lived in a shoe has children, for the banner and Entrecard widget.

...and...

Aren't they lovely? Didn't LadyJava do a GREAT JOB?

You must go check out the new digs!!!

This blog will go on, with the random Grandy-isms that you have come to know and expect, because let's face it...this is where I get to be me. I may interject with some updates on my adventures, but fear not...I like being random here.

Thanks for following me into my 250th post...and here's hoping you stick around for 250 MORE!!

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sweater Emergency

While shopping at a local retailer recently, and glancing through the clearance rack, Grandy came across the following article of clothing.

Please beware...

This is a TEST OF THE EMERGENCY CLOTHING SYSTEM...THIS IS ONLY A TEST!!

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fact that even one sweater exists like this, means there must be more.

The fact that there is only one sweater like this on the rack means that someone bought the others.

Why? Who? How???

Trust me... If Grandy were your friend...your true friend...she would NOT let you wear this thing outside.

Pinky Promise!!

Off to a FUN Start

Grandy is starting the year off RIGHT people!!

She has done ab-so-flippin'-lute-ly NOTHING today. Well, not necessarily nothing, I suppose. The entire day has been spent in pajamas, playing on my laptop, listening to music...resting. SAWEEEEEETTTTT!!!

I have tried to catch up on the many blogs that I've discovered throughout the last year. As I did so, I saw many people kissing off 2008 and having a new hope for 2009. How very cool!! I can't help but think that with the douching cleansing of the difficult year, everyone has a renewed sense of hope. Hope is a good thing people!!

So, enough of the wah wah...2008 sucked... wah. Let's have some random fun.

Whenever Grandy is out and about (or in and around in the bloggy world) she finds things that amuse her. It really is quite fun to spend time in the Grandy brain sometimes because truly, the silliness is just stupid fun.

Since I got to spend all day on the laptop today, I'm going to share with you some random silliness I found.

***Seriously. Every time Grandy saw this little RSS feed guy on a blog, she had to take a double-take because she thought he was sitting on the can. That would be WAY COOL! Tacky...but kewl!!

***Grandy originally found this at Steven Humour's place, and I know he got it from here but I couldn't help but share it with all of you. This should truly be posted on some one's personal ad.

***Really? Could your job possibly be as bad as this guy? I actually got this pic in an email, so I don't know how to link it... but it was too good NOT to share.

I know I feel much better now that I got a day to slow down. I will relish this day for what it is, an opportunity to catch up with you all.

Anyone else?? How did you spend your first day of the year??