Sunday, March 23, 2008

The One about Grandy in the Trash

Folks, I'm off working on my 100th post. Remember when I mentioned that I was going to post 100 comments on different posts and put the link love back here? Wait...was that before my liquid crack, I mean pain medication? Hmmmmm...someone remind me that postage stamps come self adhesive now.

Anyway...I'm off commenting away and working on this. I'm working on 100 comments from when I started the post, which was Friday.

I feel remiss in not sharing anything with you all, so I thought I would share another repeat post from the days where I had minimal readers. A couple of you may remember this, but may not mind this encore post. :)

I promise to have the post for you in the next couple days. Oh yea...and a repeat post doesn't count as a new post...for those of you counting.

(Originally posted 11/19/07)

Don't Tell Anyone
Pssst! Over here!!

Can you keep a secret? Promise? You mustn't tell a SOUL!!

Remember how I mentioned that to be with me it's always an adventure? I'm like Laverne without her Shirley, Lucy without her Ethel. I usually have to warn my girlfriends, if it's going to be a one-on-one day, to watch out. We're going to have some 'splainin' to do when we get done. Well, I have to tell you, it's worse when I'm by myself.

I have to get something off my chest, and feel close enough to you that I might be able to trust you. I once got caught...dumpster diving. You know, diggin' through the trash, mining for goodies. Well, I wasn't actually looking for goodies.

Really, there was a good reason!!

I was cleaning out my car at the gas station, because I absolutely live in it during the week, and was throwing out the random trash from boys in the back seat. I pumped my gas AND checked my oil. I was feeling quite productive and like Supermom!! Able to multi-task in a single bound.

I got back in the car, humming a little song, and went for my keys. Beyond that, I suddenly had an "other" body experience, ya know the kind...where you wish you were someone "other"? I vaguely remember it going something like this:

Keys? WTF? What did I do with my flippin' keys?? Mustn't panic...Look around car...notice large trash can...NO WAY!! They're not in there!! Check the car again, oh sure NOW I clean it. Ok...check under the hood. I had just checked the oil after all. How about the hood? I can't tell you how many things I've lost because I drove off with it on top of the car. Nope...not there!! SHOOT!! Good news is there is no one else at the gas station. NO ONE!! Dare I? What are my options? Call Hubby and have he and son drive 20 miles to get me another set of the keys...while NEVER hearing the end of it until I die?? I'm not thinkin' so. Ummmm...running out of options. Perhaps I can get them out of the top? Here goes...

Ewww...what a smell!! Ok, like the little blue napkin thingy is really helping protect my hands. (Quick...buy stock in Propel NOW!) I remove the lid and look around the top...no keys. DARN!! Don't tell me the darn things took the plunge to the bottom, like they do with my purse.

Just as I get about elbow deep in the can, a car pulls up and stops just next to me. Frozen, and having a new understanding for what deer feel like when caught, I thought if I stood there, no one would notice this lone white woman, who seems bathed and ok, with her entire arm in the trash can. Out walks the most distinguished looking white haired man I've ever seen. Get me out of here!!

Grandy: *Self-Conscious smile* Hi
Handsome white haired man: You CAN'T be having a good day.
Grandy: *Still Smiling* I can't find my keys, I'm afraid I've thrown them in the trash.
HWHM: *Now standing right next to Grandy, looking in the trash* Mind if I watch?
Grandy: Huh??
HWHM: Frankly, my wife's sister just got to the house so I really have NO HURRY to get anywhere, and I get the feeling this is going to be the best laugh I'm gonna get all weekend.
Grandy: Um...Nope...I'm good. But thank you folks, I'm here all week.

Out of sheer horror, and this sudden urge to fake fainting, I pulled my arm out and said, maybe I should check my car again. I walk around the other side, and this time reach into my pocket. ACK!! MY KEYS!! No time to show my excitement at finding them. Now have to somehow exit stage left with any remote shred of self respect I could pull out of my shoes.

Must think fast...how to make this happen...HWHM is still standing there, but his back is to me at the moment. I quickly run to the garbage can, grab keys out of pocket, knock them against the can and say "HERE THEY ARE!!" HWHM can't hide the disappointment as he shakes his head. "Good luck with the sister-in-law," I shout to him. "Gotta run!!"

I pull out of there as if I'm in the Daytona Grand Prix (or whatever it's called) drive about 2 blocks, pull over, and thrust my head repeatedly on to the steering wheel.

Why do I do this to myself?? I need help....but for now...just another bath.

23 comments:

wrekehavoc said...

oh yeah. the old "keys in the pocket and i have no earthly idea where the hell i put them" experience. i do that. daily. usually after harping on BC that she needs to put things away so that she can find them again.

yep. there's a circle of hell for people like us ;-)

pass the liquid crack. please.

onthecurb said...

may i also have some of the liquid crack to share with my entire family? bet i'd get a freakin' nap then. ;-)

looking forward to the centennial post!

Bridge said...

I am sooooo sorry. LOL...

Why is it that some cute guy always happens to be around when we look like an idiot.

storyteller said...

Now that was a story worth revisiting! Thanks so much for deciding to re-post it today while you work on your list of 100 comments that should be a hoot as well ;--)
If I only had a bit more time these days, methinks I'd plunge into your Archives to see what else is there ... but since that's not likely to happen, I hope you'll decide to share other 'highlights from the past' occasionally.
Hope you had a lovely Easter!
Hugs and blessings,

OHmommy said...

What a GREAT idea for the 100th post. Seriously. I have not seen that before and am looking forward to all the comments.

YIKES. I have suddenly forgotten what I have written to you and I hope you pick one of my comments that was written with a class of Syrah by my side. :)

treesflowersbirds said...

"Mind if I watch?" WTF??? I do believe that question ended up making you look like the same one in this exchange! :-)

Still...I just knew those keys were somewhere a heckuva lot less adventurous than the trash. You do have a knack. Not sure for what yet, but it's damn funny.

jennifer h said...

I'm sure I've done something like this. Icky and hilarious at the same time.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and for leaving a comment! I'm glad to find yours, and I'll be back.

Sandy C. said...

Oh man! I shuddered just from reading about it! You poor thing. What a moment to re-live and re-post ;)

Can't wait to read your 100!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Isn't that always the way?

Malone! said...

You are too funny! 100 posts already? Wow, I think I've passed 30 days in a row. You are my mentor Mary! And thanks for your nice comments on my side. I appreciate it. One of these days I will have this blog thing down like you and many others... Oh, and share the liquid crack, I've had way too many chocolate eggs!

Grandy said...

wreke~ Liquid crack is on its way.

Dee~ Oh yeah, it might help you sleep. But you need E to help you too.

bridge~ No worries...I look like an idiot with the ugly guys too.

storyteller~ Oh, there will be other re-posts. You'll have to just keep coming back. ;)

OHmommy~ Everything you do has class lady. It's not your comments I'm reposting but posting on other sites...yours included.

Grandy said...

trees~ Knick knack paddi WHACK!! ;)

Jennifer H~ Thanks so much for stopping by yourself.

Sandy~ Can't wait to finish it.

Jenn~ With me it always is.

Malone!~ Leaving comments of support was the least I could do for you, my friend.

Mrs. F said...

Oh, that is too funny.

I went dumpster diving when I was 7 months pregnant. I was on a cleaning spree in the garage and told the husband to throw an entire box out before I even looked at it. At 4 am I was lying in bed and realized I did not know where my high school yearbooks were. I got up and retrieved the whole box from the dumpster at the apartment complex. Thankfully they were in there and the dumpster diving was not for nothing.

Pamela said...

Classic moment - and of course there has to be a handsome stranger to witness it all.

Grandy said...

Mrs. F~ Wow...you had to dive into the big dumpster. YIKES!!

Pamela~ Of course. :)

Thanks for stopping by ladies!!!

Pete said...

Hilarious. I think the whitehaired man is the truly strange character in this story.

Travis said...

LOL!

Remember the mantra and perform the steps...front pockets, back pockets, chest pockets. Pat them all before going dumpster diving!

Dre the Texican said...

For a second there I thought you were a freegan! I, too, have been dumpster diving. For a friend's retainer in junior high. Good times!!! You are definitely in my cool girls club!

Huse Blog is it Anyway? said...

Your comments on my blog always make me giggle!

Thanks for being so excited to post!

krissy said...

Liquid Crack....

Share the love, Grandy.

I could use some of that!

Mike Golch said...

"don't bogart (the liquid crack) pass it over to me......" well the song I stole that from did not go that way I change it a little.It came from the Easy Rider soundtrack for the same name,different era.For those that donot know what I'm talking about Oh well.

Grandy said...

Pete~ Thanks so much for trying to make me feel normal.

Travis~ **chanting**Front Pockets, back pockets, chest...pockets... pockets... chest.

Dre~ Ooohh...the retainer! It might be best if it wasn't found there.

Huse~ It doesn't take much for me. ;)

Krissy~ On it's way to ya, girl!

Mike~ I'm familiar with Easy Rider. You didn't lose me... exactly.

Tina Coruth said...

LOL That's a good one, Grandy!
Tina