Who's Yer Baby's Daddy?

YEARS ago Maury Povich used to have a pretty good talk show. Somewhere along the way, the producers of the show turned him into a bit of a daytime Jerry Springer.

I rarely catch any daytime TV (having sworn it off with my medically induced sabaticals) but I had noticed the commercials for the program usually centered around the subject of paternity testing. I once caught an episode where the poor girl had already been on the show 6 times before (or something insane like that) and they still had yet to drill down to who the daddy was.

I felt bad for the poor girl. Really!!

Yesterday, while at the pharmacy, I noticed this:

Oh yeah...Maury should be worried about what this over-the-counter-do-it-yourself paternity test could do for his future episodes.

With this modern little piece of science, little Suzy could buy these in bulk and still have enough for a ring-pop and a root beer. I didn't actually catch what the percentage of accuracy is, but I'm quite certain it couldn't be nearly as accurate as the results on Maury's show. Right? One can hope.

Poor Maury. How will he survive such competition?

Grandy's Early Signs of Stupid Things

In trying to reconnect with some of her long lost blogging community, Grandy came across a great post over at The Junk Drawer. Kathy has a great way of sharing her silly moments, laughing at them, and making us all laugh with her. Hmmm...wonder why Grandy likes her?

Well recently she posted Careful Where You Stick That, which of course lured Grandy straight to reading. She talks about a silly thing she did while AT the doctor's office that caused her an injury. Then she challenged her readers to share a story of something stupid they did as kids that caused an injury.

Psssttt... Would now be a good time to let out my secret that Grandy STILL does stupid things that cause injuries?

For this "episode" Grandy was about 7 years old. Remember the times when your parents could leave and tell you to "stay inside" and it was just assumed that's what you did? These were the days before people like CPS would kick your ass ask questions for leaving two small children at home while Mom ran to the store "real quick".

The boy down the street, his name was Matt, came over and wanted to ride bikes. My twin told him we couldn't go outside, and Grandy of course said "PISHAW, let's do it!" We rode our bikes around in front of the house, in the street, and the whole time Twin is saying, "MOM SAID NOT TO".

Just as Grandy could spit out the words, "Mom will never know", IT happened. The front tire of my bike caught the curb just so and the wheel came to a screeching stop. Grandy goes FACE FIRST over the handle bars and into the pavement.

While laying on the ground, Grandy does a quick body check. Nothing broken. She sits up, and then it hits her. OH THE HEADACHE!! She touches her face, and realizes there is blood. No tears, just panic. "See ya Matt!" as Grandy sprints into the house to assess the damage. As she's always done, Twin picks up Grandy's bike and takes it to the garage, before coming in to assess the damage herself. Yep! It's complete road rash on the right side of the face. OUCH!! Now, with Mom coming home any time, we do our best to try to "mask" the damage. Twin does her best to help fix it.

Now...here is where you ask yourself...how would two 7 year old girls "fix" the fact that the top layer of the right side of my face is now gone? With a comb-over, of course. How else?

Grandy's hair at the time was cut in this cute little boyish cut, and she had more curls than Shirley Temple. So imagine how that worked out for us.

When Mom got home, we thought we would only show her the "left" side of my face. Imagine, walking sideways to Mom, greeting her with a hug like nothing happened. Yeah, that lasted about...um...20 seconds.

Needless to say, Grandy got a good spanking that night when Dad got home. Not sure what hurt more, the spanking or the time Grandy spent over Dad's knee waiting for the spanking. While hanging over Dad's knee, with all the blood rushing to my brain and face throbbing, he decided THEN would be a perfect opportunity to discuss how what I did was wrong, and how something more serious could have happened, blah.blah.blah. Just as the stars started appearing in my eyes, the ass beating blessing of the spanking finally came.

I don't remember much more after that but needless to say, when Mom says she used to make decisions about whether or not she would allow me to do things based on whether Twin was doing it with me...she had a valid point. She says she "questioned my judgment".

Gee... I wonder why?

WTF Wednesday - Getting Older

Lots of my friends and family are having birthdays lately. Yes, I know they have birthdays all the time, but it seems to be that many of them are having MILESTONE birthdays.

Hubby turned 40 last week, Brother turned 40 a few weeks ago, along with some other friends. Some of my friends have hit 50 this year, and several have hit other milestones. This poem made me laugh out loud...and I hope it does the same for you.

Remember, you're only as old as you FEEL! If you feel and act like a 12 year old... then perhaps you are.

That's What She Said

Recently Grandy has been introduced to a new adventure. GOLF!

Golf is NOT an easy sport. You are hitting a small ball, not much bigger than a shooter's marble, with a very long "stick", to find a hole that is FAR AWAY. Really? Who invented this game? I haven't done any homework on this, but I imagine it was someone with a little too much time on his hands.

While Grandy participated in her first EVER golf tournament (yes, she managed to get a few lessons in beforehand) she learned that the sport is full of little sillies that made her giggle and think to herself "That's what she said."

So here are some of the doozies that Grandy witnessed, and giggled about.

**I lost my ball.

**Which size should I use?

**You almost got the hole!

And of course, my favorite of the day...

**I'll leave it in just long enough, until you get close...then I'll pull it out.

Really folks. Grandy couldn't recover from this one, she ended up "putting" the ball across the green and falling to the ground.

So although golf is a hard sport, it's great fun for the 12 year old mind of mine. I can see that there will be much more to learn about this sport. Time for me to invest in some YouTube time with this little guy.

FORE!!!!!!

Dis-ap-point-ment

A heavy word that carries more weight than anger or sadness.

We have all been faced with moments where our parents have said, "I'm not mad ... I'm just disappointed."

Some synonyms for disappointment are failure, defeat, frustration.

While learning about different personality types, Grandy has always fallen into the category of that upper right quadrant. It never fails what the test is, the quadrant is always the same: Energizer, Talker, "Yellow" (for the color of the quadrant, not my lack of courage).

Description: Stimulating, Enthusiastic, Gregarious, Impulsive, Emotional

Strengths: Communication, Motivation, Relationships, Creativity, Humor

One common thread in all these tests is that the "Energizer", "Talker", and "Yellow" quadrant hates to disappoint others. We rarely say NO. We suffer from a sincere desire to please EVERYONE.

Unfortunately, it's that fear of disappointment that forces Grandy to either take certain action, or decide not to take action in circumstances. When this post started a few weeks ago (I had to set it aside because I was in the midst of sincerely disappointing someone and it made me cry to think about it) it was all coming to a head for Grandy.

Thankfully, this week, Grandy is not working. She's relaxing, and taking time for herself. She was being faced with possibilities that she would not be able to take the whole week off, but didn't waver. When the president of her company sent her an appointment, she boldly (and diplomatically) declined and reminded him she would not be there.

Since Grandy has felt like nothing but a disappointment in many arenas lately, she's going to get back to basics and drill down. One of the areas where she's really failed lately is this blog. Not just this blog, but her lovely blogging community. As you can see, community and relationships are a big thing for Grandy. She's at a loss without you folks.

Grandy will be peaking in on all of you and catching up soon. But if you happen to stop by before she checks in, please tell me... What's new with you?

WTF Wednesday - UH-OH!!

I'm not even sure what to say about this picture.

I do wonder...

The guy taking the picture...

Did he ever WARN her?

Good grief!!

What NOT to Say When Interviewing with Grandy

Grandy has been going through the interview process, on the other side. Since moving up in my company, we have been on the hunt for looking for my replacement. During this time, I've been doing the full-time job of 2 people (as usual) while trying to make things happen in the new position.


There's something interesting about interviewing people for the position you've put so much into. The people participating in the interviews with me are interesting because I keep hearing, "But they're not Mary!"


Well yeah!! Hello!! I'm MARY!!


With the economy being what it is, and the fact that we had over 50 candidates apply for the position, one would think that we would have a plentiful supply of qualified folks. What I've learned, however, is there are a lot of wierd people out there...(and of course I'm irritated to no end that I don't get to do the initial screening process, or the wierdos wouldn't even make it through the door).


So, here are some "gems" that were shared with Grandy over the last couple months:

Me: So you've read the job description?
Candidate: Yes I have.
Me: So what was it about the description that interested you most when you applied?
Candidate: Well, you know.
Me: I do?
Candidate: Yeah, pretty much all of it.
Me: Could you be a bit more specific?
Candidate: Ummmm...yeah...I didn't read it. I just need a job.

::blink blink::


Me: So, you mentioned you left your last job 5 years ago because there were "issues"?
Candidate: Yes I did. I was horrible to work with, got too big for my britches and ended up leaving because I thought they weren't being very nice to me.
Me: So how was the job you went to after that?
Candidate: They were worse.
Me: And what's different now?
Candidate: I learned the problem was all me, after going through a great 12 step program. I'm much better now!


::blink blink::


Me: Your resume says you were still with **** company. But your recently filled out applications says you left in October?
Candidate: Yes.... Ok... I might as well tell you, you're going to find out anyway. I got fired.
Me: Oh?
Candidate: I was the manager, and I gave an employee permission to fudge something on a report because she was struggling to make her quota, and I got fired. I was trying to help... and IIIIII GOT FIRED.


::blink blink::

Oh yeah...Grandy could have eliminated at least 3 of the candidates from the 15 interviews we actually had to SIT through. Really? We couldn't narrow it down more than that?

Oh that's right. I wasn't part of that screening process.

Alas...I just work here.

A Saturday Funny

This is a great picture to post on a weekend post.

Really...Dr. Suess has taken on a whole new meaning with this one. This post is dedicated to all my blogging friends who can appreciate the humor.

CHEERS ALL!!

WTF Wednesday - Drinking

This picture absolutely made me laugh.

We have all had our share of bottle goggles on, while under the influence. But to be the one that knows you are what the end result once those goggles are on...That is AWESOME!!

There must be a certain confidence in walking into a bar, knowing you only stand a chance between the hours of 12:30 am and 2:00 am. Think of all the money one would save by not having to show up earlier.

Oh yes, this gentleman would be one fine woman's knight in shining...um...armor...for sure.

WTF Wednesday - Romance

When having a tough day, everyone should stop by The People of WalMart site.

Their whole site could be referred to as the "WTF" site. I know I get a giggle and feel a bit better about my life. Let's call it picture therapy. :)

Check out THIS picture of true love in the aisle of WalMart.

Sing it with me ladies, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was HOT.LIKE.ME?"

OH YEAH!!!

Dear Craig's List Scammer~~~

Grandy wants you to know that she may have been born at night...but it wasn't LAST night.

When we posted Ty's dirt bike on Craig's List, we knew we were pretty new at trying to sell stuff online. But hey, people buy and sell stuff online all the time... We can do this.

When your first email, offering to buy the dirt bike came in without you seeing it, Grandy was first a little blinded by her joy at the thought of getting it sold. You asked for different pictures of the bike, and Grandy was thrilled to send them you you.

You came back with your offer, and Iwas even willing to overlook the fact that you offered $50 if I would pull it from Craig's List right away, and said you wanted to send a check. While trying to sound cordial, Grandy offered to let you keep that $50 in exchange for sending a Money Order.

While trying to make conversation with you in the email, and find out where you were from, I should have known the direction you were headed because you never got specific.

Another day goes by, and you send another email. Trust me, this is where you absolutely blew your scam...

There is something i think i must bring to your notice.After a reconciliation of my account,i discovered that somehow my partner must have over paid you.The payment that was meant for another transaction was sent to you and the one meant for you was sent to another,however i want to believe i wont have a problem with you. Please once you receive your payment,i will like you to deduct your money and send the remaining via western union to the manager of the shipping company that will help me with the pickup.

Really?

I'm not sure what turnip truck this putz thinks I fell off of, but the grammar alone should have given me a clue in the earlier emails.

So...he wanted me to deposit his check (which we all know would be a bad check) and return the extra money back to him. Really? WOW!!

Please folks! PLEASE tell me you haven't fallen for this. Grandy was close to falling for it, while blinded with everything going on, but finally woke up. It breaks my heart to think these people are successful even some of the time.

PLEASE DON'T FALL FOR THESE SCAMS!!

Sincerely,

Grandy