Sunday, April 13, 2008

Confessions of a Reformed 9 Year Old

We all have our mistakes we've made along the way. As I watch my son try to "squeak" by on some things, and appreciate how generally good he is, I'm reminded of my youth. Although I had a pretty good upbringing...I have a past...Oh yes...Was there ever any doubt??

When Grandy was a little girl, she was THE biggest tomboy.

She would do anything to fit in with the boys. ANYTHING!

Once, she was double dog dared to to into the local Thrifty and pilfer a candy bar. "They won't miss it," the boys said.

Oh boy!! The object of my affection?

I walked in and paced around those candy bars for what it seems like an hour. I'm sure it was probably only about 5 minutes, but hey, I was only nine. I must have looked so guilty.

As soon as I grabbed the candy bar, I went to put it in the pocket of my vest, and the manager walked by. "Can I help you with something?"


"Oh no, thanks!!" - as my face went red.

"What's that, in your pocket there?" he pushed.

"Oh! Um!! This?! It's a candy bar...sir!" - I'm not very good at this, can you tell?

"I can see that. What I can't tell is why you have it in your pocket." - This guy was tough!

"Well, I wasn't sure I wanted it and was walking over to my sister down there to see if she had enough money to split it with me." - WHA? Now I'm getting my sister involved? I'm going to hell for sure!

"Where's your sister?" - Oh...he had me there...that's right...sis was outside because she was the good one.

"She's around the corner looking at the ice cream." - He keeps firing...I keep dodging.

"Well, alright then. I hope she agrees to help you buy it." - You mean it worked?

I end up putting the candy bar back. Guilt had overcome me, as I bamboozled this man. Although, ya know, looking back he probably wasn't fooled for a minute but knew I was really bad at this.

I went outside and the boys were out there. They were giving me all sorts of crap about not getting the candy bar. My heart was still racing from the possibility of my parents finding out (they knew EVERYONE in town) what I had almost done.

I didn't care what these so called friends said. I was mad at them for almost getting me killed (because that's what would have happened) AND I was still mad at them for the last little thing they had me try.

Those A**HOLES never told me I was supposed to SPIT!!


Mrs. F said...

Yuck. All the years I smoked and I never tried tobacco. Cause I do not like to spit. I probably would have not spit--on purpose. Ewwwww.

Also, the manager did you a HUGE favor that day. I got busted for shoplifting some candy when I was 7-at the pressure of my friends- and my ass was grass. You are so lucky your parents did not get involved.

Jennifer H said...


Some friends.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Serious yuck.

dkuroiwa said...

I grew up with older boy cousins around all the time and one of the worst "sicks" I got was when they were teaching me how to much more was swallowed than spit out...hence, the "sick"!! Damn boys!! I think they convinced me to take a Reese's one time...couldn't even enjoy it I felt so bad.
I was just the little girl trying to be "one of the boys".
Sooo glad I got over that!!!

Melissa said...

4 or 5 years old. Mini roll of lifesavers (maybe 5 in the roll?) Right at checkout, standing next to my mom who was oblivious. Didn't get caught. Also never did it again. Not because of guilt (I felt more guilty when I got older!). Just didn't.

MP said...

I don't believe I EVER took something from a store..I think the guilt would have killed me..we never tried snuff..but we did try other things..

Anonymous said...

Ack, having two older brothers in the 70s in the South, you KNOW I was bound to try some of that yummy-yummy brown stuff in the groovy fun colorful plastic container. BLUCK. Truly nasty and only takes one try to learn a lesson.

Candybarlifting - I don't think I tried that one.

I also didn't fall for the neighbor's homebrewed "mello yellow." ;-)

Mike Golch said...

Never tried to lifting a candy bar,swiped a couple packages of caps for my cap gun and got caught,While I was getting a lecture from the store owner my Dad walked in to the store and man was I ever so busted.Not to mention a really sore behind.Never tried that stunt again.

April said...

GROSS!! I swear I think tomboys are too cute...trying so hard to be like the boys. :-)

Travis said...


I never tried the tobacco, but my one attempt at thievery was successful. was successful in that I walked out the door with a handful of Jolly Ranchers in my pocket. But it wasn't so good when I started to feel guilty about it!

I never ate the Jolly Ranchers. I wasn't brave or noble enough to actually take them back, but I couldn't eat them and just got rid of them.

Grandy said...

Mrs. F.~ To this day I cringe at the sight of the stuff.

Jennifer~ EWWW is right!


dk~ Did you and I live in a parallel universe somewhere?

Melissa~ You don't STILL do you?

OTC~ EWWW..Mello Yellow?

Mike~ I bet you didn't.

April~ Yeah, too hard.

Travis~ Guilt sucks!!

Melissa said...

Grandy: Don't still what? Feel guilty? A little bit, yeah. :o/

Hazel Chua said...

First time here... I loved your posts... Uhm, your candy bar post made me remember those good ole' days, too... I believe they're not so long ago, but sometimes, in our busy lives they seem to be and it feels good to come by stories that remind us of those happy, innocent and uhm, ignorant days... :)

Grandy said...

Melissa~ Yeah, I meant you don't still feel guilty? Good grief...let's have a drink about it (definitely not a spit) ;)

Hazel~ Thanks so much for stopping by. Glad you like. It does seem like it goes fast, doesn't it?

Tina Coruth said...

ROFL!! Grandy, you were as funny as a kid as you are now! Thank you for the laughs.