A letter to Grandy's Bank

Dear F*CK*NG Bank Management:

I very much appreciate the level of efforts you go to to make sure that Grandy's account is safe from identity theft. I can even appreciate that although it was somehow YOUR FAULT that somehow our information may have gotten into the wrong hands, you thought it was most prudent for them to issue new cards. That was very thoughtful.

What I don't exactly understand, however, is that although you sent me a new card last week, and a letter explaining what had happened, that you decided that all of a sudden SATURDAY would be a good day for you to flag the flipping card.

You see, your bank is not open past 1:00 on Saturday. So when Grandy has a ga-zillion things going on at one time, she maybe doesn't make it to the bank to activate her card so she can set her pin. After all, nobody remembers the damn codes you send in the mail, so I need to get to branch to activate a pin. Because Grandy likes to promote local commerce, she uses your small bank for the sense of "community" she gets when she walks in to your remote location, she can't necessarily make it to your branch before you close at 5:00 30 miles away from her dang office.

Please allow me to explain the inconvenience experienced with your decision.

Grandy is at her new favorite store, BevMo. Did you know they are having their 5cent wine sale? Oh yeah, Grandy walks up to the counter with 6 bottles of wine (I swear they were not all for me alone) with her debit card in hand. She swipes the card, and has the following dialogue with the cute young man at the register:

- Him: Ma'am (because Grandy LOVES being called Ma'am) do you happen to have another card? This one is not working.
- Me: What? Why? There's money in there!
- Him: I'm not sure.
- Me: There must be some sort of mistake. ::swipes the card again and notices long line forming behind her with only this ONE register open::
- Him: Ma'am (there's that word again) would you please look at my screen.
- ::Ty and Grandy look up at the same time to witness the following:: PICK UP...SUSPECTED FRAUD.

WTF?!?!

- Him: Ma'am (now he's starting to piss me off)...I don't want to have to take your card.
- Me: Okay, there is obviously some mistake. Please set this box aside and I'll go outside, call the bank, and see if I can straighten this out.

Grandy walks outside thoroughly pissed off and calls the bank. YEP!! The money is there! She proceeds to a nearby credit union to get some cash, ass-u-me (ing) that there is some sort of issue with BevMo's machine.

Guess what Bank Management...THAT DANG ATM KEPT MY F*&K*!!G CARD!!!

When Grandy called your bank to calmly discuss her predicament today, and could hear several customer service reps in the background discussing the same thing, she was a little more than irritated when Lucy (the bank twit) acted like it was not a big deal at all.

All cards were deactivated.

WTF? REALLY??

You are lucky, you bank butt-heads. You are lucky that I drove 20 miles home, activated the card, and could use it as a credit card so I could put gas in her car to get to the Special Olympics the next day. We would have missed out on some amazing experiences, and Grandy would have had to come down you and show you WHY she doesn't like to be called Ma'am.

F*CKE*S!!