Sunday, June 7, 2009

Writing Begets Feeling

Quite often this blog has helped me to put my life into perspective. If I'm trying to cope or deal with something, it has been a source of release to either vent or joke here. Writing helps me find the humor in things, and if I can laugh about them, they don't bother me as much.

Through things like, "Grandy has to have another surgery", I post about the horrible food or the crazy whacked out nurse that helped me. It's kind of a great coping mechanism.

Lately, I'm afraid even the blog hasn't been able to give me the outlet I've been searching for. I realize that my posts lately have been uber-crap (or at least in the Grandy-caliber scale). I come to my blog, see my "community" and apologize to you all for the lack of quality here in Grandy-land of late.

Recently I've been carrying a load that has tinted my blog-colored glasses. I can't mask things this time. I can't find the humor. It just plain sucks. So what did I do? I pulled away, posted randomness, and failed you all. I haven't even been able to bring myself to come read many of you in quite some time. Believe me, my readers are not the only ones to realize I'm different lately.

This morning I read this post over at Mama Mary Show. Mary is a beautiful writer who has a club. It's called the Dead Dad's Club. A club for daughters who have lost their fathers. She's even compiling a book of stories from members of the club (yes, a few of mine have been accepted for this book). The post made me cry, and it made me feel.

That's what I try to do here, and that's what's been lacking. Because I've been afraid of feeling anything, I've been blocked from writing anything of quality. Even as I write this, I'm choked up with the sense of..."Uh-Oh...here it comes!" But I write anyway because I realize it's time for me to do so. Wherever the journey takes me, we shall see. Whether I post all my writing here, we don't know that either.

Thank you for sticking around when I couldn't. You couldn't understand what it means to me, but I will try to make it up to you.

I now know it's time for me to write, to cry, to laugh, to feel.

And it's time for me to make you do the same.

19 comments:

Theresa said...

I can't think that anything that you put out is "crap." Not by a long shot. It's ok to show different sides of yourself - it's all YOU!

I like you!

Fill in the holes as you go, and I'll read it all.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I do think the writing and sharing really helps us process. I hope it helps you.

Mike Golch said...

Nice posting.

Suzanne said...

We bloggers begin because we need to express ourselves, have something that is on our mind.

It sucks when we can't do that.

Hugs across the country to you.

Christina said...

Hugs.

songbird's crazy world said...

hugs, Grandy. we've all had times when we haven't been able to write because we've been dealing with stuff...

Mama Mary said...

Grandy, I am so glad you were touched by my post and happy if it got your writing juices flowing again. I am feeling much the same way as you described lately and it so difficult to get it out or to make sense of it. YOu are a wonderful writer and I look forward to reading your "crap"!

Renie Burghardt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Renie Burghardt said...

Grandy,

I messed up the above post, so deleted it. I would drink some coffee to wake up my brain, but I need some sleep tonight, for a big day tomorrow.

I feel as you do. No inspiration lately. I think the blog muse is on vacation. But you did a great post right here, and I enjoyed it. So you're way ahead of me. I haven't done a new one in two week.

Have a great week, funny (and lovely) lady!

Huggies,

Renie

NJDecorator said...

Sometimes we have nothing to say, or time to say it. It's all good.

Hasta Pasta said...

You still and always will ROCK!

Love ya.

Joyce-Anne said...

We're all human, good days, bad days...some totally crappy days. I love reading you even when it's "crap" as you say. ((HUGS))

The Mother said...

I've been enjoying it!

dkuroiwa said...

Just for the record...I'd read anything you wrote and so far? it's all been good...pure Grandy.
Don't be so hard on yourself...but do what you have to do...find the inspiration where you need to but always remember that we will be here, offering you whatever it is that you need from us.
'cause that's how this whole process works, luv.

Momisodes said...

Grandy, I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you never feel guilty for not posting or visiting.
I'm glad you are able to release some of the emotions through writing. I find that I end up crying and feeling emotionally sucked dry after writing some posts. They're usually the ones that make me "feel" as well.
I'm always here for you. Just a message away. *hugs*

Mrs. F said...

I can't say that I have been the best blogger lately, either. But I love what you write, and I am going to keep coming back.

We still on for lunch next week?

Grandy said...

Theresa~ It's those different sides of myself I don't even want to see sometimes. ;)

Jenn~ Thanks...me too.

Mike~ Thank you sir!

Suzanne~ Hugs back toots!!

Christina~ Thank you sweetie!!

Grandy said...

Songbird~ I know you get it.

Mama Mary~ You have a special place in my heart, as I just welcomed a friend into our club this week. *sigh*

Renie~ You sweet classy lady!! Thank you.

NJ~ Oh...that time thing. ;)

Hasta~ LOVE YOU BACK!! MISS YOU!!!

Grandy said...

Joyce-Anne~ You are so kind, beautiful mama!!

Mother~ Ha! A blog only a mother can love. ;)

DK~ Can I run away to Japan to live with you?

Sandy~ Damn feelings!

Paloma~ Damn straight we're on for lunch next week!! :)